DP driven off with nothing - worried about him

[dontknowwhereheis]

NC, sorry.

DP has a bit of a problem with his behaviour when drunk, (generally being an arse) but he accepted this and he stopped getting so drunk and has been fine for months.

Then yesterday he got very drunk and did some very silly things (not violence), but we ended up thrown out of pub, he stomped home, went to sleep. He was saying he's no good for me and that he'll leave this morning, go and stay with his parents, even though he loves me to bits, and being very down and depressed but angry, if you see what I mean. Not angry with me, angry with himself.

He just woke up, put his shoes on, didn't say a word to me and went outside, I assumed for a cigarette. He was ages so I went out to see and

He's gone! Car's gone. He's taken nothing - not his phone, not his tablet, not his phone, nothing, just keys, car and his wallet.

I'm worried sick. I can't contact him. I don't know if he's just gone for a drive to think about things, or buggered off and left me (but why take nothing), or gone to kill himself or something (imagination running wild here).

What do I do? I know police won't be interested as missing person after 15 minutes. Should I leave it an hour (driving time to get there) and ring his parents or ring them now? They are retired and I don't want to worry them if he's just gone for a drive. Should I text all his friends using his phone? (I don't know them all that well, don't have their numbers directly). Not sure which ones to contact, only really know a few of them and there's loads of numbers in there. I'm worried about causing him trouble contacting random contacts that turn out to be from work or something. I could pick out the few I know.

I'm scared he's doing something silly (although he hasn't threatened to). I'm upset he's worried me like this. Is it just a big gesture and I should wait for him to come back? But in the past he was very down and depressed at times, worryingly so, he hates himself and thinks he's worthless when he's like it. Last night he kept saying how useless his is and I'd be better off without him.

What the hell do I do?

I have two family members like this and the last place you would find me with them is the pub on a Sat night. You can't pretend he can have a normal drink. In relation to this guy, the drinking itself - that was bad enough. But he didn't wake up and say I'm so sorry I need to sort myself out etc. He disappeared and left you to worry all day, boozed again, drank and drove and slept til 8pm and so ruined your sat and Sunday. The behaviour today is worse than last night's. My general view is that's ok to have problems, it's not ok to refuse to deal with them and instead put you through the wringer. You said no one in RL was bothered? That's likely because they put up with it all the time and have got used to it. When my mum meets someone knew they phone us panicking when she goes on a bender and no doubt think we're cold. You're not used to it yet and you don't have to be. (Nb it took me ages to get to this point, used to panic all the time as a kid and really until 30). Think of yourself, ask if you would ever make him worry like that and don't be distracted by saying down etc, it's not a licence.

reading your post made me feel sad OP as it reminds me of what my poor mum has had to put up with all her life since she met my horrible abusive step 'father'.

everything from ringing round his 'usual' pubs, asking parents/friends if they'd seen him, worrying about him drink driving, his mental state, all about him and not enough about what is right for you. hiding his booze, stashing it away so he doesn't drink it all, worrying if he was late from work and if that meant has he gone to the pub again or is he just running late.

please don't cling on to the 'how it could be...the other 99%...if only it wasn't for his behaviour 1% of the time' argument because you can be sure this will eat you up and take over your life. He has caused you no end of unnecessary suffering today and yes, he needs a wake-up call but if he's got his fingers stuck in his ears going la la la i can't hear you....then what is the point!