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Original poster

Why do single woman persue married men

89 replies

alexsp234 · 26/07/2015 05:52

I'm just hoping to get some understanding on this. One of my closest friends is a married man. He's been married for all the time i've known him, I've been single for a lot of that time. Much as I think he's great. he's obviously completely off limits to me as a potential boyfriend.

But recently I've seen 2 single women, both a good decade younger than him, flirt and make it clear that they would be open to a relationship, or in one case 'a bit of fun'. Friday night I was out with this friend and others, but without his wife, and I watched a single woman fairly new to our social group subtly manouvre him away from the rest of us and then engage in what I would consider a highly personal conversation about the state of his marriage.

Why would a woman deliberately chase a married bloke?

OP posts:

etKrusTe · 26/07/2015 17:52

muffmuff yes, I see her point too. I wouldn't go down that route myself as I seem to be able to deal with the loneliness of being long term single. But I do understand why somebody might think, well, this is all there is...... they might want more (a man who'd be loyal and faithful to them but if that's not an option, loneliness might make them succumb to an affair of some description with a married man........) I understand it even though I wouldn't go ther.

fuzzywuzzy · 26/07/2015 18:03

An ex-friend did this, she did it because she saw how the man offered his wife and DC security or money and physical support. We fell out over it big time.

Kind of underlined her utter self absorbed behaviour when she tried bitching about how the ex-wife was demanding financial settlement in the divorce process.

think above OW did it for all the above and to prove she was better and a catch and could have the MM. She did it at a time when all her friends were settling down, she is very competitive and I think she felt upset she wasn't the first to settle down amongst her friends. She is very messed up and in constant competition with everyone around her.

No idea what the MM was thinking.

Totallypearshaped · 26/07/2015 18:05

A friend of mine is chatting up my DH whenever she sees him at the moment.
She's thinking of leaving her DH, they're having a lot of rows, and he's playing more and more golf, so maybe she's boosting her own ego by flirting with "unavailables".

Maybe she thinks my DH is a good catch, as I've trained him so well, and she likes a challenge.

I think she's a bit fucked up at the moment, and have cooled the relationship. She's very competitive, and I can't be arsed to see her until she gets her head on straight.

My DH thinks it's textbook behaviour before she jumps ship- he's the life raft in her mind.
Funny thing is if she talked to me, maybe I could help her, but she's pissed me off by very obviously flirting and coming on to my DH, so sod her-
She's on her own, with no help from me, until she lays off my DH!

etKrusTe · 26/07/2015 18:10

maybe................... she just enjoys male company???

it's something I never have. Ever. All my friends are female. I have to be careful not to be too friendly with my friends' husbands. So male company is something I don't have. I can chat to a man without planning to try and 'get' him.

Gabilan · 26/07/2015 18:14

"she tried bitching about how the ex-wife was demanding financial settlement in the divorce process"

Reminds me of a married acquaintance of mine who was having an affair with a married man. She complained to me that the other wife didn't like her very much. I think I offered her a fresh perspective when I said "never mind not liking you, I'd have killed you by now".

No, I never would actually do that, or anything violent except in self defence. I was just so gob-smacked that she thought the other wife should be behaving reasonably.

StrawberryMouse · 26/07/2015 18:21

Because (not all) married men are generally quite easy to pick up when you're young/attractive, more eager to impress, more grateful for it, a quick, safe ego boost and you have an easy way out when you want it because he's already married.

StrawberryMouse · 26/07/2015 18:22

That's not the voice of experience speaking by the way though, I promise.

Binit · 26/07/2015 18:26

Anyone deliberately and knowingly chasing a married man is fucked up in the head.

Or really naive, immature and stupid which is the more palatable option.

fancyanotherfez · 26/07/2015 18:47

I have a friend who is in the middle of doing this at the moment, but I think its because she is afraid of commitment. She always does this and obsesses about unavailable men, or men who dont seem interested in her. She is currently in denial that this man is happy in his marriage or has separated despite all evidence to the contrary. I would like to think she wouldn't pursue it if the opportunity came up. She does also seem to spend a long time slagging off her bosses wife based on conversations and overheard phonecalls, despite never having met her, so maybe she also thinks all good men are married to the wrong woman, I don't know?

HelenaDove · 26/07/2015 19:04

Ive had a couple of single men ask me out even though they knew im married.

I live in a small town where ppl are friends of friends. They never showed any interest before. Not because im married though. They wernt interested when i was a size 28 which shows it wasnt the fact that im married that was stopping them.

rosesanddaisies · 26/07/2015 21:13

Last time I looked at a dictionary, this was not in the definition of "single." I hate this demonisation of single women

I'm talking about women who go after married men. When did I say that it was the definition of single?? Lol.

Bogeyface · 27/07/2015 00:53

I often think that the famous Daily Fail phrase "PC gone mad!" would suit MN.

We can say that some men are predatory but not some women? I got flamed on a thread for that once, but the fact is that if you want true equality then you have to accept that men and women can both be utterly selfish and self serving. Yes some men are predatory and groom women, but so do some women. I have seen a man go from happily married to convinced that his marriage is on its last legs at the hands of the OW, she groomed him!

I have known predatory women, I posted about one above (she was also the groomer). Its not nice to accept that the sisterhood doesnt exist, no matter how much we would like it to. But its a fact that it doesnt!

Either you are good kind considerate person or you are a selfish arsehole, gender doesnt come into it.

True equality is allowing everyone to be a complete wanker, regardless of gender.

MistressDeeCee · 27/07/2015 03:30

I have a couple of friends who do this. 1 in particular, conversation about men is off limits now as I simply don't want to hear it. She always has a man on the go, he is always either married or in a longterm relationship; yet from the way she speaks I can't tell whether she is actually in a full "relationship", including sexual, with whichever man it is at the moment.

She is lively, goes a way on soul weekenders for instance - always involves her and her other mates (they aren't my friends, we don't gel) going up north and meeting up with same set of guys...but these guys are married. I try not to judge but its hard. A group of married men going away to meet up with a group of women at weekenders...their wives are never around.

Maybe Im too old fashioned but I find the whole thing distasteful, I wont go on any weekenders although she's said theyre good fun & Id enjoy it. I probably would..I love music and dancing. But I hate the fact that whether weekender or a night out in London where we live, there ALWAYS has to be some bloke in tow..in the past Ive been hit on by friend of her latest conquest, on 1 occasion a really rude guy who I had to put in his place after he said I was being prudish even tho I "knew the score"..errmmm..no idea what "score" he was on about and I didnt fancy him in the slightest.

Re. her always having a man on the go, they arent short lived flings as it were, theyre quite longterm sometimes a few years. Then it fizzles out and she is miserable. Says she wants to meet a good man but I think well how can you when you're always knocking around with men who are already in a relationship? I just think its a waste - all the time she's with them she's seen as "taken" but its alright for them isn't it..? After the fun they're off back to their wives then, what about her?

Anyway..as said we can't have the conversation, she talks about it in a very smug tone and I feel theres nothing to be smug about. We've been friends since we were 17. We are 52 now fgs!! I truly wonder how long it takes some women to realise that always wanting to be 2nd best can be a very lonely road

bydaytisbright · 27/07/2015 06:13

Because they have issues and they don't want to feel rejected (as there's always someone else) and they don't have to sort their issues out (which would probably take work and difficulty) like they would have to do to have a normL, functional relationship with a single person

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