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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anybody else unhappily single and fancy a little group moan?

60 replies

SurlyCue · 25/07/2015 23:14

I am. Single 5 years with brief 4 month relationship ending a couple of months ago. Would just like to meet someone i can rub along nicely with. Tried OLD a few years ago but too many wrong'uns to wade through to find the decent ones.

Anyone else feel like wallowing? Grin

OP posts:
princesspink7404 · 26/07/2015 12:36

niceupthedance I am with you totally. Whilst I would like to meet somebody, I in no way wish to live or marry with someone. If I fell in love of course that could all change but for now, companionship would be nice.

DisillusionedGoat FolkGirl oh my days you hit the nail on the head. Older men want younger women because it boosts their ego ... until they've realised they have ended up with another marriage and another baby, which they did not really want in first place! I must say I have met more young blokes (my XP was 5 years younger than me) and on odd occasions I go out, have been chatted up by more younger guys. I'm all for younger guys especially if they don't want more children because I don't. I agree, a lot of men want to punish for women that have done them wrong previously (probably got shat on because they were idiots in my view)

It's all such a kerfuffle isn't it?

princesspink7404 · 26/07/2015 12:37

addictedtocake you have just described me! It is horrid isn't it?

UptheChimney · 26/07/2015 13:56

I don't even count how long I've been single. Widowed suddenly in my 30s, had to get on as a single parent + demanding job.

Now in my 50s, but men my age are either not very interesting to me, or they want to meet women 20 years younger. I've given up bothering about it tbh.

DrSeth you say you're a man of 41. What age bracket of woman do you specify in OLD, or look out for IRL?

Because I think that most of the problem is men's Peter Pan tendencies, ad their overinflated sense of their own value. I'm fit, don't look my age, financially sorted, extremely successful in my career, and actually quite a nice person IRL -- if I were a man, I'd have women flocking; but as a woman, I am apparently "too" independent, "too" clever, and "too" successful.

Who was it said that we've become the men we wanted to marry? THroughout my 40s, as my DC was becoming a teenager, I was very aware of aging, and aging alone. I found I just wanted to cry all the time (although that could have been my job, which was tough at the time). Now I'm just not that bothered. It's men's loss, frankly. But if I let myself think about it, I do get sad about it, still. So I've trained myself not to think about it too much.

But the fact that I've even posted on this thread tells me that I still do mourn the loss of another kind of life.

DogWalker75 · 26/07/2015 14:00

I'm early 20s, single for two years and I'm also half and half. My last relationship was abusive (DS's dad). My own father was also abusive so whilst I like the idea of relationships, the thought of ending up with another dickhead worries me. I honestly don't think I could go through it again, so not currently looking for anything, but I'll have a moan all the same GrinGrin

DrSethHazlittMD · 26/07/2015 14:59

UpTheChimney - to answer your question, I stopped doing OLD when I was 39. But when I was, I would search for women 5 years younger and 3 years older years either side. My previous LTR of several years was with someone 10 years older than me and for reasons related to that, it was not something I wished to try again. But I was not looking for "breeding material" as quoted by a PP.

JessesGirl · 26/07/2015 15:36

Can I join in for a wallow? I'm 27 and have been single for over 5 years and I'm starting to really resent it. It would just be nice to have someone to share all of the everyday shit with, you know? Someone else to cook the dinner or tidy up at the end of the day or get up with the dts, just so the total responsibility isn't on me all of the time.

Jenna333 · 26/07/2015 15:40

I'm not giving up hope for any of us on here. I've decided to commit to the belief that if I stay open to and create opportunities, I will eventually meet the right person.

Wrapdress · 26/07/2015 15:51

Never been in an exclusive relationship, so don't know any different. I did raise a child to adulthood and found that grueling and relentless. I have no envy to couples with small children as you couldn't pay me to do that again with or without a partner (I'm too old anyway).

I'm happy. I'm fine. I just focus on my own life and have fun trying to defy the appearance of aging. It's funny to see men be interested in me and then find out how old I am and go, "....oh, no, no, no, no, nevermind...." Makes me laugh.

I live in a neighborhood full of single women 40-80 years old, so it's not that strange to me. Being with a man at any cost is not appealing - because if we had no standards at all, all of us could easily find a man. And then what?

fishfingersinmysandwiches · 26/07/2015 16:57

Ooh can I join too?

39, single since my early thirties, three children.

Tried online dating a few years ago and although I did enjoy some of my dates and it was fun, ultimately it's not for me. It's just too random, and meeting endless successions of men whom you don't click with can be a bit... long.

Recently though, I have been making more of an effort to go out locally with friends and expand my social life (eldest child is almost 17 and so able to babysit younger two), and I've been enjoying myself. It's shown me that I am still attractive to men and I feel more positive about eventually meeting someone.

Did recently have a bit of a confidence denting set back however. My thread's here if interested: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2379873-Its-been-so-long-please-help-me-to-figure-this-one-out?pg=1

Am still cringing slightly but never mind.

Whiskwarrior · 26/07/2015 23:14

I definitely agree with others saying they're not looking for marriage or even someone to live with. Much as I dislike being single I love the fact that my house (not that I have one at present but that's a whole other thread!) is my house. I make all decisions from meals to what to watch on TV to decorating. I don't miss endless Sky Sports, being complained at that tea was wrong, having paint/wallpaper decided on and bought without my input.

I'm not after a Dad for my kids (a common fear in men on OLD it seems). They have a Dad, they don't need or want a step-dad. I have no intention of being a step-mother either. My own kids are hard enough. Blended family? No chance!

I just want a boyfriend. Someone to go out on dates with, sleep with, have fun with, stay in with when my kids are with their Dad. But men on OLD go 'erk, she has kids, she wants me to take them on!'.

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