FIL is a bully. When my DH & his DB were growing up he was emotionally & physically abusive.
MIL has told me a few stories over the years about how she would have to climb out of windows to escape him.
I think that DH & BIL have blocked out most of their childhood in order to protect themselves.
They seem to crave their fathers approval and he is never pulled up on his nasty comments.
FIL & MIL are quite elderly and tend to rub each other up the wrong way. She will answer him back now, but this is mostly said under her breath.
FIL has been particularly rude & nasty to me over the years but this has always been brushed off with 'oh you know what he is like'
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Two things have happened recently & I now do not know how do deal with it so would be grateful for some advice.
Firstly, FIL has started saying some nasty little snips to my children. They unsurprisingly are not keen on him but adore their nan.
Secondly, MIL has been quite ill recently due to stress. It has come to light that around 1 month ago FIL physically attacked her with her having to kick him to get him off.
BIL was aware of this and went round to their house and threatened to ' break FIL'S legs' if he ever laid another hand on his DM.
When BIL told my DH he was physically shocked and I don't think he knows how to handle this. All the childhood memories have resurfaced and he is also incredibly embarrassed at his father's behaviour.
However, the general consensus is that we should brush this under the carpet so as not to upset MIL.
I have only had a brief chat with her. I told her to divorce him & that it was not too late to have a few years of happiness without having to put up with his behaviour.
DH thinks that if she were to divorce him it would kill her.
The big problem is that I do not want anything to do with him. I could just about stand his bullying behaviour but now he is starting on my children.
I do not want him in my house, I do not want to be in his company. This kind of behaviour is so alien to me. I think he is getting worse. DH & BIL seem to think that he will never change but I think that he has never really been pulled up on his behaviour.
If I say anything to him I think it will cause catastrophic arguments. Maybe, I should keep out of it but it doesn't help that I don't want anything more to do with it.
They have a family member staying with them at the moment so everything is being brushed under the carpet until he has gone.
FIL is also very wealthy nut uses his money to manipulate his sons. He is actually not very generous but produces the carrot and stick all the time.
DH isn't money mad so I don't understand how he let's him manipulate him so much. I guess it is just another form of bullying?
Any advice would be gratefully received. I have managed to stay away from him but the thought of being in his company makes me feel physically sick.
Thank you