Been with dp for 5 years. We have a 1 year old together and I have 2 dc from previous marriage.
We've lived together for 3 years. But it took me a whole year to allow him to meet my children and another year of family dates, so he could build a relationship with them before I agreed we could all live together.
On the day we moved in together whilst setting up his Netflix account I discovered he had a fake Facebook profile (different name, pic etc) I asked him and he denied all knowledge. I trusted him completely and I tried to put it out of my mind but something didn't feel right. So I snooped
I found hundreds of pictures from Facebook in his internet history. I didn't recognise most of them but there were a few I knew as my friends daughter (18) and a couple of my sons friends (17)
Mostly they were random girls from other areas all posing provocative and some beach and holiday pics.
Obviously I went mad and asked him. He said it was a habit he'd got in to when single and was basically using it as stimulation for private time urgh! He claimed it was just voyeurism no contact and there was nothing else to know.
I didn't believe him. So basically I jacked his emails. I found 5 fake Facebook profiles all used to friend request females and on one he'd requested his ex (a marries woman he'd been sleeping with, he'd claimed it was just sex, no feelings)
I threw him out and he was gone for a month. I spent that time getting myself together and enjoying life with my kids and friends. I realised I didn't need him and his issues in my life.
But! I took him back. We talked for weeks before I allowed him to come home. He explained he'd been selfish and hadn't considered my ffeelings. He said he'd realised that he had loved his ex and he'd gone through a phase of getting depressed and indulging thinking about her. He admitted he'd also been smoking weed with friends and he tgought this added to the depressive moods.
I asked for total honesty and got it. He told me he'd messaged hundreds of women telling them they were sexy but most hadn't replied and if any did reply he promptly blocked them. So strange!
He swore nothing like that would ever happen again. And I believed him.
Everything was good for a year. I worked hard to get my confidence back in response to seeing how hard he was working to rebuild trust.
When I found out we were expecting ds he was over the moon. I was terrified. My children were 17 and 11 and I hadn't planned anymore. Plus I was worried about him being ready to be a father.
We went ahead and I can honestly say he's been amazing. He was supportive all through the pregnancy birth and has been a brilliant father. He cooks cleans takes care of baby and plans stuff to so with my other children too. He'd stopped smoking and getting drunk. He'd really stepped up and I was feeling secure in my little family.
Until this last month. I knew something was off. Something didn't feel right. Sex had stopped being love making and was more disconnected. Like he wasn't really there in mind. There was no foreplay no soft touches, just flipping me over and pounding away. I spoke to him and explained how I felt and he apologised and said he'd make an effort. But no change. He stopped coming on family trips or trips out shopping or visiting friends and family. Saying he was tired or feeling unwell.
First chance I got I checked his phone.
He'd been searching for pics again. Mostly it was actresses or women off other tv shows like big brother or x factor. But there was another girl from Facebook. He'd checked her profile hundreds of times over the last 3 months. Sometimes he'd look at her pics 10+ Times a day. He admitted this was because she llooked a bit like his ex.
I don't know what to do. He's booked himself in to counselling and goes in 2 weeks. He claims he's sorry and wants to change. Claims he loves me and the boys and will do anything. He thinks he has an addiction and says he needs help.
I'm seeing a counsellor too. My confidence is at an all tine low, I've zero self esteem and I'm worried what all this has done to me mentally. I'm 35 but regularly get asked for proof when buying alcohol so I'm young looking. I'm in good shape and I often get complimented. But when I look in the mirror all I see is those pics and I compare myself and fall short. I see old, ugly, small boobs, wrong sized butt, wrong colour hair (I'm half Mexican so I'm pretty dark)
I can't walk down the street without feeling self conscious and I'm struggling to hold my head high. But I've done nothing wrong.
I'm sorry this was so long and probably poor grammar and spelling but my mind is all over the place