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Original poster

Have you missed your chance and regretted it.

56 replies

wellthisisstrange · 21/07/2015 21:30

After fancying my colleague for 5 years and never doing anything about it, he has suddenly been transferred to another department. The last time we spoke there was a definite connection. He was giving off lots of signals, I wasn't imagining things.
Now I have lost my chance, hhaven't I?

I want him to contact me, but I know it's not going to happen.
I'm not the type to make the first move.

OP posts:
MadeMan · 22/07/2015 08:28

Romantic films have a lot to answer for.

learntoloveagain · 22/07/2015 08:33

A facebook friend request is easy. He should respond within 24 hours and then you can try a friendly message.

pocketsaviour · 22/07/2015 08:39

If it was meant to be, he will contact me. Somehow.

How do you know he's not sitting in his new office thinking the same thing?

MadeMan · 22/07/2015 08:50

Five years is a long long time to fancy someone and not do anything about it. As somebody else suggested OP, you could regret wasting those years wanting him, but not making a move and knowing for sure one way or the other.

You could have been happily married to him and had a child by now within those five years.

ChilliAndMint · 22/07/2015 09:04

Reminds me of that scene in The Office....

Is he in the same building as you?

Go get him!!!

differentnameforthis · 22/07/2015 10:36

If it was meant to be, he will contact me. Somehow.

This is RL, not a romcom.

Bite the bullet.

Original poster
wellthisisstrange · 22/07/2015 18:18

Yes this is RL. RL you can get burnt if you get it wrong.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 22/07/2015 18:22

OK, let's come at this from another angle.

If you were to send him a mail or whatever asking if he fancies grabbing a coffee, what is the absolute worst thing that could happen?

Chippedrippedandstinking · 22/07/2015 18:23

If you do nothing then nothing will happen. Are you always this passive?

What does "get burnt" even mean? Suppose worst case - he's not interested. No one dies.

Cynara · 22/07/2015 18:26

Look. I normally try not to be bossy in my posts, but I'm going to make an exception for you. Everyone is telling you the same thing. Everyone is right. I didn't tell someone how I felt about them 11 years ago, and to this day I still wonder what could have been. If I'd told him and he'd turned me down, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't still think about it now.

So do it. Find his email. Ask him for coffee. You're not asking him for sex on the cafe table (yet), just a coffee. How bad can it be?Smile

Chippedrippedandstinking · 22/07/2015 18:32

By doing nothing you're allowing yourself to "fail" and yet not taking responsibility. Terrible attitude. Come on OP, grow a pair!

ChilliAndMint · 22/07/2015 20:40

If you never take any risks in life you might as well ..you know...

Don't be a drip, you're not some delicate flower, a princess waiting to be carried off on a charger. Remember not all men are brave when it comes to approaching the women they like.

My guess is that he likes you but you have put on such a big act of pretending not to be interested that he doesn't think he stands a chance.

The very worst thing that can happen is that he might smile and say ;
" Thank you for asking but I'm afraid things are a bit hectic at the moment"

I doubt that will be the case because you aren't going to ask him are you?

cutekoala · 22/07/2015 22:23

What's embarrassing??

A friendly message to see how he's going? what's the big deal.

Yes if you actually do then start stalking him.

Let us know how it goes!!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 22/07/2015 22:32

I'm going to go against the grain - I think any man who is interested makes it clear if appropriate (ie might not be if he was your boss).

Now he's left, I think he would have made some kind of move to stay in touch etc if he wanted to take things further.

Zeitgeistic · 22/07/2015 22:32

How will you get burnt? Seriously how? You're not sending him an email declaring undying love, simply asking how his new job is and if he fancies a coffee. If he's interested he'll jump at the chance. If not, he'll probably gently fob you off and that'll be the end of it. You no longer see him so even if he doesn't want a coffee with you it won't be embarrassing will it?

There are a good few things I regret in my life. Every single one is something I didn't do but should have. We regret missed opportunities far more than bad decisions.

revealall · 22/07/2015 22:44

With Goblin on this one.

Maybe he does fancy you but he doesn't have the balls/time/inclination to actually have asked you out. Is that the bloke you want?
Nothing to do with being in a rom com film but not picking blokes that don't fancy you enough to even ask you out.

ChilliAndMint · 22/07/2015 22:48

Carpe Diem... wish I had done..silly me ..most definitely will if I see him again.

You are not going to be the laughing stock of the office if you email him. Do try to be a bit flirty though.. inject some sexy humour.
"

DarkNavyBlue · 22/07/2015 23:07

Oh god, no flirty humour unless that's what you'd usually do. You need plausible deniability here.

You just need to remember that if he isn't interested then it's not a big deal. Could be due to any number of things in his life that you're not aware of.

I would do it. And I'm not especially brave.

Hughfearnley · 22/07/2015 23:19

I asked someone out once. I was worried about embarrassment. He showed a bit of mild interest in me but nothing else at the time. He said yes straightaway
Best thing I did - EVER. I think he agrees (a wedding, two house moves and a DS later ...)

differentnameforthis · 23/07/2015 08:20

OK, well if you want to miss out on the what could be a great relationship, to save yourself from the risk of some embarrassment, be my guest.

Don't come on here moaning in a few years when he is married, that you missed your chance.

Postchildrenpregranny · 23/07/2015 10:26

If he is in a managerial
position and you are not he probably thought it could create difficulties to make a move while you were in same department
I replied to a small ad my now DH put in the New Satesman .(this will out me) Even as I posted the letter (quaint!) I was cringing with embarrassment .We have been together 35 years
DO IT

nrv0us · 23/07/2015 10:42

If you email him and ask him for a coffee/chat sometime, there are two possible outcomes:

  1. You end up together.
  2. You don't.

If you do nothing, there is one possible outcome:

  1. You don't.
nrv0us · 23/07/2015 10:54

Your approach here reminds me of me when I was at school: "If I go over and TALK to her then she'll know I FANCY her! That'd be so EMBARRASSING!"

As a result, I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was in my twenties.

ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 12:02

Do it!!

MadeMan · 23/07/2015 21:53