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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh left me on sat after 10 years.

51 replies

carol3 · 20/11/2006 20:18

Dh walked out on sat things have been mbad for a while, he says he doesn't love me and he's wasted the last ten years of his life, nice !

OP posts:
willandsamsmum · 20/11/2006 20:21

Just wanted to give you some {{{{{hugs}}}}}

justbeme · 20/11/2006 20:24

Im so sorry to hear that Carol3 - i expect everything is whirring round in yr head and yr wondering where things went wrong. I know it must feel like you are in the bottom of a big black pit right now - Ive been there - 6 yrs ago - but you are still young and have a long future ahead of you - if someone had said to me that I would find a wonderful man, totally opposite to my ex husband and would end up where i am today - i wouldnt have believed it - but lifes a funny thing and you never know whats round the corner - so take a deep breath, take each day as it comes and hold your head high and bit by bit things will get better and your confidence will come back.

7up · 20/11/2006 20:25

so sorry carol3, are you coping ok

Curlylox · 20/11/2006 20:26

Oh Carol I'm so sorry. Huge (((((hugs))))) Not sure what I can say if anything to help you, other than we're here for you.

Glassofwine · 20/11/2006 20:28

Yes, I'm another sucess story, my first H left and within a year I'd met my now dh and was already pg. If you'd have told me that in the first few weeks I would never have believed it. It's a cliche, but time does heal.

bouncy · 20/11/2006 20:34

((((( hugs ))))))

mumsnet is really a great place for support. Hope your feeling better soon.

Pinkchampagne · 20/11/2006 20:37

I'm so sorry you are going through this, carol3.

ratclare · 20/11/2006 20:41

hes wasted 10 years of his life ,well thats a bit rich ,what about you ,whats he going to do now ? go travelling ,find himself ,take up a hobby ? Poor you having wasted 10 years picking up after someone who doesnt give a f*k , hope you have lots of support around to help you through this , because you will get through it and go on to have a happy t**er free life

Original poster
carol3 · 20/11/2006 20:45

thanks guys, mumsnet is a huge support, am only usually on line when at work as haven't got internet at home. Called up today and will have broardband at home from wed so i'll be able to go on line when i want, I think it will a huge help espially getting used to being on my own in the evenings. Haven't told the kids yet dreading it, Ds is 9 on friday, feel crap for him.
Am just taking it a day at a time, and trying not to think to much of what the future holds.

OP posts:
Pages · 20/11/2006 21:20

You sound very brave. Thinking of you. x

nearlythree · 20/11/2006 21:30

What? He's left the week of your ds' birthday? Sending you a big hug.

brightwell · 20/11/2006 21:56

It's grim,I remember the emotional roller coaster well ( I'm 7 years down the line) I agree with justbeme, it's hard to believe just now when every thing is so very raw and painful but things really do get better, you are doing the right thing just taking life one day at a time, concentrate on yourself and your ds. chin up good luck!

Original poster
carol3 · 20/11/2006 22:16

thanks guys, i poited out to him that in was his sons birthday this week and had he even thought about that, he said he had more importantant things to worry about !

OP posts:
nearlythree · 20/11/2006 22:22

Such as????

Original poster
carol3 · 20/11/2006 22:29

his job and money ! says it all !

OP posts:
dhw · 20/11/2006 22:29

i'm so sorry. I have no words of wisdom i'm afraid - get logged on as soon as you have broadband and use Mumsnet for all it's worth to help you with any ranting.

take care
x

Blondilocks · 20/11/2006 22:35

Sorry to hear that Carol & big hugs.

My OH split up with me a few months ago after 10 yrs - up until the week before we were discussing buying a house - everything. It IS hard, but I found concentrating on anything positive a great help, even if it was only something tiny.

There's no need to think of the future quite yet - it is very strange for your planned future to suddenly disappear. Just think of the important things - looking after yourself & your child(ren).

Oh & concentrating on his bad points will help no end!

Take care.

iris66 · 20/11/2006 22:36

carol3 - many of us have been there and I know it's a small comfort but you will get through this and time does heal (a hackneyed phrase but very true). My only advice would be to be true to yourself, strong for your children and don't be drawn into mud slinging (it tends to splatter back!!) Wishing you all you need for your future xxx

ginnedupmummy · 20/11/2006 22:38

Message withdrawn

Original poster
carol3 · 20/11/2006 22:57

thank-you all, would be great if you could fast forward life wouldn't love to skip the next 6 months, but I know i'll come out stronger. I have 3 wonderful children that are my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
carol3 · 20/11/2006 22:59

sorry, would love to

OP posts:
hurtwife · 20/11/2006 23:10

Hi
How spooky my h left the week of sons 9th bday too It was also 2 days before my birthday. I spent 2 days on the floor. Thank god for my fantastic friends. This is a really great place to get rid of all the anger. Let it all out now cry as much as you need to shout and throw things too if that helps talk to friends until they are sick of you - mine are by now i am sure. I am 1 month into all of this. Hold on for the rollercoaster one day you feel strong and the next you are back in the pit again. At the moment i am low again having had a good week last week by making plans ect i suddenly hit a wall and now have to tick off the hours again. Each day i wonder how i got through it and its another one to tick off.
Sorry this is not too possitive but you will cope and surprise yourself. If i have learnt one thing it is to ask for as much help as possible friends are fantastic at a time like this. It can also be a great way to loss the extra pounds - i have lost 4 stone in total (some before he left) and a stone in the first week he left!! I now know i look fantastic and he knows it too. So much so he wants to give us a try again!!!
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS
LOTS OF HUGS FOR YOU TOO.

Original poster
carol3 · 20/11/2006 23:41

thanks hurtwife, 4 stone wow, unfortunatly i seem to be comfort eating at the moment . Hugs to you to I hope tommorrows an easier day for you, It is just like a rollercoaster. How did your son take it, I'm dreading telling mine he's such a sensitive boy, I think hes guessed anyway but he hasn't said anything.

OP posts:
NatalieJane · 20/11/2006 23:43

Carol, I don't know if you will remember but you helped me on one of my (many ) ranting threads just recently, I've no advice as such for you on this one, but just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and the kids, and I am around into the early hours most nights at the moment if you ever want to chat, I am happy to give you my email address if you want to get more personal things off your chest.

As others have said, one day at a time, don't expect too much too soon, and the kids will be fine once they get over the shock, they are strong little buggers, in some ways probably stronger than us, and it will be them who keep you smiling over the next few weeks and months no doubt. Be kind to yourself xxx

nearlythree · 20/11/2006 23:49

He's no sort of man, is he, Carol? Best of luck honey.

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