Basic facts (I've posted about this before). SIL and BIL are currently having IVF, TTC#1. I unexpectedly fell pregnant quite young a couple of years ago, OH is the younger of the two so wasn't supposed to be the first to have a child etc etc especially with SIL's fertility difficulties which were already ongoing at that point. Tried to be as sensitive as possible but was made to feel like a dirty secret at times, however that's fine, I just wanted to avoid any rift.
It sitll caused a bit of a rift, things are sort-of okay but not entirely (SIL and BIL totally blanked DD's first birthday, things have been awkward for a while). It's caused issues with MIL in particular too. Understandable I guess as she feels torn. SIL in particular reacted badly to the pregnancy and to DD, undermines me as her mum etc.
We're now at the point where we're ready for another baby and are actually going to TTC this time, but SIL and BIL's second round of IVF has failed. We're gutted for them, they get one more round before having to pay privately but they aren't sure what to do. We don't want to delay TTC, but all I can think is what happens if I get pregnant quickly (as happened last time) and in 12/13 weeks time we're announcing a pregnancy to them, and everything goes to shit?
OH is very much of the opinion that we have to live our lives and can't wait around for them, can't be expected to put our lives on hold when we want DC2 now and it could take us a while to conceive this one, nothing's guaranteed with possible MCs and everything, but I just feel torn. Really want DC2, but I don't want to be the cause of what could potentially be a massive rift.
Plus, selfishly, it was me that got it in the neck last time despite OH's efforts to make them see that it takes two to tango. It made my pregnancy a bit rubbish and I don't want that stress this time. OH would be devestated if things got to the point where either side wanted to go no-contact.
Feeling torn - would we be totally insensitive to go ahead and TTC #2?