Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think husband has a secret phone

79 replies

Louisa111 · 18/07/2015 16:18

I've just found a blackberry phone charger upstairs near dh computer, we both gave iPhones. It's obviously been used recently as never come across it before.
Now what would you do?? Confront or stay quiet??

I suspected last year he was having an affair with a work colleague , too many things didn't add up, I know they used to speak on the he phone ALOT and wasn't happy about it. At the time I used to just question, question, question which I know was wrong cause if he was he just got better at hiding it.

And now I've found this?? He got given a blackberry last year as a work phone, didn't want to use it and it just got put away in a drawer and tbh I forgot about it until now when I've found this charger!!

Now what would you do?? Confront, hide the charger or just say nothing in the hope I someday find this phone?? He's at work I found it when I was hoovering Shock

OP posts:
MNpostingbot · 20/07/2015 16:30

OP as others have said, be wary, some huge assumptions being leapt to here.

As previously Micro usb chargers are used on most external hard drives. Has he been backing up photos or similar?

Bear in mind that despite some great advice on this part of the for, there is a lot of bitterness and unpleasantness that results in some terrible advice. Please don't remove your children from their father on the basis of a cable and the advice of fools.

Bogeyface · 20/07/2015 16:51

and the advice of fools

Nice!

Or the advice of people who have been where she is and have suggested that she shouldnt mistrust her instincts and be aware that there may be more to it, and to keep her eyes open.

Only 2 people have said LTB in over 50 posts.

horseygeorgie · 20/07/2015 16:56

Hate to go against the thread here, but why don't you just ask him about it?!?!

FredaMayor · 20/07/2015 17:09

It was to protect me as I really used to kick off about her
isn't right, OP, it was to protect DH and to encourage you to let sleeping dogs lie.

IMO you haven't been able to let this go because it was unresolved from the last time, and until you can face the potential consequences and resolve it you won't be able let go.

Personally I think you will get nowhere by confronting DH, who has form for lying, until you have something concrete and undeniable to show. If you find you can't live with not knowing there is plenty of advice on the net or here on the back threads about infidelity evidence gathering. Good luck.

BoxOfKittens · 20/07/2015 17:10

I'm thinking that you are on the look out for evidence and feeling suspicious of him regardless of this bb charger.

I say this because there are several chargers and whatnot in my boyfriends home office, but I couldn't tell you what device they are for, how many there are etc. Only when I've been suspicious in the past have I been hyper vigilant and observant about these things.

MNpostingbot · 20/07/2015 17:20

Bogeyface, like I said "some great advice"

And like you said 2 people had said LTB. Fools is plural, as is 2.

Two people said she should leave the father of her children over an unexplained cable. That is foolish advice, ergo they are fools.

But you carry on taking things out of context and pasting half sentences.

FredaMayor · 20/07/2015 17:24

It is possible to say something foolish without being a fool. OP has sought advice, and I'm sure everyone is grown up here.

MNpostingbot · 20/07/2015 17:32

It is possible to say something foolish and not be a fool. IMO not in this scenario.

in fact I would say that "fool" is a compliment to the sort of person who suggests to someone who may find themselves feeling vulnerable that she should move out and take the kids with her, once again - on the grounds that she found an unexplained cable - is at best a fool, at worse a malicious and spiteful troublemaker.

thedancingbear · 20/07/2015 17:44

Fucking hell. You have found a charger. This is evidence that he may have charged an electrical device. Nothing else.

TRexingInAsda · 21/07/2015 22:36

Just to be clear, when I said LTB, I meant because of the affair (and the knock on effect of that on the relationship - ie you can't trust him now). It's not about the phone charger. But your reaction to the phone charger shows how bad the relationship is and how insecure in it you feel. That's pretty crap tbh.

KottonKrown · 22/07/2015 10:13

Just to be clear, when I said LTB, I meant because of the affair

What affair is that then?

hellsbellsmelons · 22/07/2015 10:20

I suspected last year he was having an affair with a work colleague , too many things didn't add up, I know they used to speak on the he phone ALOT and wasn't happy about it. At the time I used to just question, question, question which I know was wrong cause if he was he just got better at hiding it
This one from the original OP.

I'm not sure you've anything to worry about.
As others have said Micro USBs are used to charge lots of things.

Can you attend counselling together to try to get some of the trust back.
This is no way to live.

MQv2 · 22/07/2015 12:27

Might start advising people to lash a blindfold on when they head out driving from now on.

I mean their instincts will guide them right.

DonnaKebab66 · 22/07/2015 12:40

My husband's Samsung charger also works on my Kindle. A lot of chargers have multiple uses.

rouxlebandit · 22/07/2015 13:15

OP. You have my sympathy for what you are going through but this is what stands out for me. And I apologise if this sounds harsh.
You suspected your husband of having an affair because 'things didn't add up'. Can you think of a reason why your husband might be having an affair?

I8Gorgonzola · 23/07/2015 08:22

Just to be clear, when I said LTB, I meant because of the affair

So just to be clear, you told her to LTB because of the affair "she suspected"?

siblingrevelryagain · 23/07/2015 09:16

Sorry but it sounds like you're the issue here-maybe his 'form for lying' is because he was so sick of you kicking off each time he spoke to his work colleague (who he may have had no choice about, and wanted to not ruffle feathers at work), and may have simply lied to reduce the questioning.

I may be missing something here, but he seems to have shown no evidence of an affair, but you have admitted to trust issues? Look hard enough and you can see evidence of an affair in everything, but the simple fact is that if he wants to cheat, he will. No amount of questioning or paranoia from you will prevent it. Hopefully you have one of the good ones who won't cheat. Either way, you'll drive both of you crazy if you can't trust him now.

I say this as a women who left her husband when she found out he had cheated, so I'm all for finding out and empowering yourself if there is infidelity. In this instance, there doesn't appear to be.

RickyHoward011 · 22/08/2016 05:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RickyHoward011 · 22/08/2016 05:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

elQuintoConyo · 22/08/2016 06:26

Wrf?

Why open this thread? It's a year old!

Dodgy hacker? IDFOD.

elQuintoConyo · 22/08/2016 06:26

ODFOD.

(Woos).

Squeegle · 22/08/2016 06:53

What is ODFOD?

Melmelmel687 · 22/08/2016 08:26

Erm track the phone as its a iphone??

Kneesbend · 29/12/2018 20:03

Reported

Haffiana · 29/12/2018 20:17

Kneesbend You reported and had to post about it a year later? Or are you a zombie hunter?