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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don't think my boyfriend likes me much

35 replies

idokidok13 · 14/07/2015 15:47

And I don't know what to do?
I get the feeling that he thinks he's doing me a favour by being with me. I'm "nothing special" apparently. Well I know I'm not bit surly my boyfriend is meant to think I'm special to him at least?
It just hurts a lot because I don't know what's wrong with me and whu he just doesn't care about me.
Even when DS was norn, when I came back from hospital (day 4) a couple of hours after we got home, he fucked off to his mums house for a good nights sleep cause he was "tired" even though he had all the other nights to sleep and I had just had a fucking baby I was more tired than him ffs he says "its not all about you, I was really tored" and "you expect to be treated like a princess. You want me to be a perfect boyfriebd" or "just because you had a baby you think its about you" no I don't, I just want him to actually care about me for once.
That was 2 years ago almost and nothing has changed really.
It hurts a lot because I feel like everyone else's boyfriends treat them great, the act as if they are so happy with their girlfriends and so lucky to be together, I feel like mine just tolerates me. I dunno what's wrong with me. :(

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 14/07/2015 15:50

It's not you. Really, it isn't.

He is an odious arsehole.

You sound utterly dragged down. You don't have to live your life like this.

Foxeym · 14/07/2015 15:53

And why are you putting up with this? He sounds like he has battered your confidence down to zero. Surely you would be better off without him and giving yourself a chance to be with someone who really cares

LittleMiss77 · 14/07/2015 15:53

Why are you still with this person OP?

butterflygirl15 · 14/07/2015 15:53

He sounds a nasty piece of work. You can dump him you know. He will never change. There is nothing wrong with you, except for the fact that you think this is all you deserve. You don't have to put up with this. Where is your self esteem?

srtajuanita · 14/07/2015 15:56

NOT NORMAL.

The only consolation is that maybe he can be the example of a b*stard so you know what to avoid. You can, and will, do better and please believe that you're worth it x

pilates · 14/07/2015 15:57

Op, he sounds like an emotional bully.

Get rid and focus on your baby.

You are worth more than that.

gamerchick · 14/07/2015 15:57

There's nothing wrong with you aside from wasting your years on someone who doesn't deserve you. Sad

BettyCatKitten · 14/07/2015 15:58

He's eroded your self esteem. You're worth much more than this twat. Look to your future, one without him in it.

FenellaFellorick · 14/07/2015 16:00

It's not right. It's not normal. It's not acceptable.

If there is one person who should think you're special - it's the person you're building a life with.

Do not settle for less than someone who thinks you're wonderful. THAT is what you deserve. It's what everyone deserves! Someone who looks at them and thinks "I'm so lucky to be with you, you're really amazing"

goddessofsmallthings · 14/07/2015 16:02

There's nothing with you that getting rid of this self-centred bellend won't cure, honey.

Tell him you're tired of him and he can fuck off back to his mum's house so that you can enjoy 'good nights of sleep' and happy days without his toxic presence blighting your life.

Of course you're special - your ds adores you but having a father who fails to show his dm any love could cause him to similarly disrespect and demean women in his adult life.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 14/07/2015 16:03

Dump him, really do. What a horrible person he sounds.

Also his mother is a bitch if she didn't send him straight back to you and tell him to get on with being a parent.

Stubbed · 14/07/2015 16:03

Dump him.

Creatureofthenight · 14/07/2015 16:03

He is a dick, you deserve much better, get rid as soon as you can.

goddessofsmallthings · 14/07/2015 16:04

There's nothing wrong with you etc!

Ahemily · 14/07/2015 16:05

Yes alibabs! Totally agree. What kind of an arsehole says that to their girlfriend? There is a much better life out there without him, OP.

Anniegetyourgun · 14/07/2015 16:14

Gosh, what a ghastly man. Any particular reason you can't tell him that you quite agree, you are not good enough for him so he is extremely welcome to fuck off go and find the special woman he deserves? Obviously you will still have to have some contact with him as you have a child together but you can at least live the majority of your life in a grouch-free zone.

truthaboutlove · 14/07/2015 16:48

Finish with him. He won't like it though. He thinks he's got the upper hand. Stick to your decision and be strong.

molyholy · 14/07/2015 17:30

Urgh. Get rid. Before he destorys every last shred of your self esteem and your ds grows up thinking this is the right way to treat women.

Brightstar86 · 14/07/2015 18:19

Move on Hun!!! You deserve to be loved and to feel like a princess!!! I've been in a relationship like this and it's not worth wasting you time on. You can do so much better x

lavenderhoney · 14/07/2015 18:55

im surprised you let him back after his comments. It was all about you, and the baby. Not about him.
Let him go. You'll feel a lot better after a few months without him around to make you feel awful.

And lots of people put up a good show in public. Being single is much better than the rubbish his is putting you through. And if you've told your friends what an arse he's been, they should be advising you to get rid of him.

ShebaShimmyShake · 14/07/2015 20:57

"Just because you had a baby you think it's all about you."

Rather, just because he's a baby he thinks it's all about him.

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2015 20:59

It's not you it's him

Original poster
idokidok13 · 14/07/2015 21:31

Yeah I think you are all right it's just hard because he says nice things sometimes or says that he cares about me but when it comes to bow he acts he always put himself first, I don't know how to explain without examples but eg
I was studying an open uni course, and had an assignment that had to be on by midnignt, DS was about 8 months and I asked dp of he could watch DS whilst I do my assignmrnt, he says yeah sure, so I'm doing my essay at the table and then he gets a text from his mate, and just stands up and announces "fuck this shit I'm going out" I told him no not unless he takes DS and apparently that makes me controlling and evil and I just don't want him to have a life apparently :S
Baribg in mind I had never gone out since DS was born and this was the first time id asked him to have DS so I could do something, so basically the first time parenthood got in the way of his social life in 8 whole months and it was an essay ffs its not like I was off getting pissed. I just don't see how he can claim to care about me whilst acting like that

OP posts:
AndTheBandPlayedOn · 14/07/2015 21:33

This is very sad. If you can not end the relationship immediately, please do emotionally detach from him. You do not need his good opinion (sorry to throw a bit of Jane Austen in). But it is true: stop relying on him for your happiness. He has made it clear he cares very little (if at all) for you-so that is a green light to stop caring so much about him...or his opinions. What a jerk.

Does he resent the baby requiring your attention? Is he jealous of the baby? Then a previous poster was right: He'd be better off back under the care of his Mummy...which would be better for you, too, as it would remove the frustration from your life and you would have a better chance to enjoy your baby.

butterflygirl15 · 14/07/2015 21:34

oh dear - him saying nice things a few times does not cancel out all the bad stuff. When a man shows you who he is listen.