Following on from the 'all affairs are women's fault' thread..

[Booboobedoo]

...do most people really think the psycho-sexual differences between men and women are that black and white?

I keep reading 'men can separate sex and love, and it's harder for women'-type-posts, and nobody seemed to disagree.

I was always able to separate the two - and gained a lot of enjoyable experiences from doing so when I was younger.

I'm not tempted to cheat on my DH now, but that's because I try to do-as-I-would-be-done-by, and I have too much respect for him.

The argument seems to run that men are genetically programmed to spread the seed, whilst women want to stay with their 'protector'. I suppose that may be true through pregnancy and with a young family, but it's also true that you're more likely to get pregnant if you sleep with more than one man in 24 hours, as the sperm appear to compete to reach the egg.

Then, as they get older, women's testosterone levels rise and men's fall. (Excuse possible rogue apostrophes).

So do you think it's true? Are men genetically programmed to cheat?

I don't: but I'm intrigued to see how many do.

No, I don't. I think it's a pathetic way for men to say "See, I can't help it. It's not my fault."

There are millions of men who manage to stay faithful to their partners and who never stray. So, if men are genetically programmed to stray, have these millions been mis-wired??

Actually women were genetically programed to stray as well, thus strenghtening the gene pool. For some reason, most of us (girls)seem to have evolved past that. Men are still somewhere closer to Apes and Monkeys.

I'm with Freckle on this. It is just plain patronising to think that men are not in control of their loins, they bloomin well are.

Do I don't. I think it is a convenient cop out to 'excuse' them if they stray.

And if they are that desparate for an orgasm they can masturbate!

No one has to have an affair, that it utter bollocks.

Didn't mean this to be a 'have a go at men' thread. I love men!

I just have a problem with the 'women need love to enjoy sex' attitude.

I don't. Am I weird?

Who needs love to have an orgasm?

i find it easy to separate sex and love, always have done

I think you can be a total slapper whatever your gender.

I don't know if men are programmed to spread their seed etc, but this kind of thinking is a bit of a worry imo - will men start using it as justification?

I wish men were programmed to the spread the washing in the general direction of the laundry bin meself.

Oh no in my my misspent youth I was well able to differenciate between the two.

No, I don't think men are programmed to cheat any more than women.

In fact, I think people who state platitudes like 'Men can separate sex from love' and then say they strive for more equality among the sexes need a slap.

That's such BULLSHIT.

B/c until we ALL accept that men have just as many feelings and emotions as women and continue to discredit them and stereotype them like this, we sabotage ALL our childrens' future happiness, male and female.

Blimey.

Excellently put Expat.

booboobedoo - ive had some fantastic sex with people i didnt love! its a myth, i think. that people hide behind. most people have 'issues' about sex as societies seem to decide that your value and type of character are defined by what you do in the bedroom. load of bollocks really.

I said that men can seperate love and sex easier on the other thread, cos that's how it feels to me. Should have probably said 'IME' tho.

Had my fair share of loveless sex during my single days, but can't really say that I enjoyed it. Definetly couldn't consider being unfaithful whilst in a loving relationship but IME men are more likely to be able to than women. I don't think anyone said it was an excuse tho.

Quite.

So why do so many women trot out this 'women must have love to enjoy sex' platitude?

Is it just that they're not in touch with they're own sexuality?

If so, that's very sad.

And expat, I agree about the injustice done to men by women who stereotype them in this way. In fact it's doubly bad, because it patronises and alienates the mature men, and excuses the behaviour of the emotionally-stunted one.

I've been there, done that. Everyone here knows that.

After all my experiences, however, I'm going to stick my neck out there and go so far as to say I hope my daughters' experience is different from mine. I hope they come to equate sex w/love and meet partners who feel the same, b/c there are plenty of men out there who do.

All that great sex I had. I thought it was great at the time.

It could in NO way match the sex I had w/those I loved.

I can't remember most of it. But I will remember the night I had sex w/the man who was the love of my life till my dying day.

It pretty much blew every other experience completely out of the water.

I spent years chasing that around before I realised that nothing will ever come close.

X theads pssst.

I think the point that's being made is that it's counter-productive point, and (from my point of view) a myth.

What?

So a woman that say's she can't enjoy sex unless it's with someone she loves is out of touch with her sexuality and sad?

It's probably because sex with love is so much better than sex without. So women are merely talking about degrees of enjoyment.

I have to say that if I were given the option of sex for the sake of it and sex with someone I love, I'd go for the latter every time.

No, pssst, that's not what what I meant. I objected to the generalisation.

And possibly you were sleeping with the wrong men.

Expat, I wouldn't want to go back to the sleeping around days, but I'm bloody glad I had them. I feel it would have been a waste of my responsive young body not to enjoy it to the full. Criminal, almost.

And before anyone jumps on me, I'm not being prescriptive. But I can't believe I'm in a minority feeling like this.

Sorry Booboo didn't mean to jump on that.

S'alright.

Probably didn't express myself clearly enough.

Booboo - as I'm getting older I'm just beginning to enjoy sex for what it is. Which is sad for me, cos when I was single (and a bit more shaggable) I was inhibited and didn't enjoy it. Now I'm older (and not so shaggable) I think I could have sex just for the sake of it (I'm single btw) but now don't have the opportunities or the confidence to get naked. Blimey - I've had a drink and I don't know if I'm making any sense or just making a complete fool out of myself)

Pssst - that's what I'm talking about! You've been hoodwinked into being ashamed of your sexual side by this weird anti-feminist conspiracy!

Long live the revolution!

Rant, rant, pitchfork, pitchfork etc.

Oh, and btw:

'most people have 'issues' about sex as societies seem to decide that your value and type of character are defined by what you do in the bedroom. load of bollocks really.'

Nappiesgalore: couldn't agree more.

Well, I never had issues of inhibition or felt shame at all about my sexuality, and I still feel that sex w/love is WAY over all the times it wasn't there for me. And yes, we're talking a lot.

As for saying 'possibly you were sleeping with the wrong men. '

No, I don't buy that at all.

I've had some fabulous lovers, but they can't hold a candle to the times when there was mutual love and emotions there.

Booboobedoo I agree with your posts

I have had some FABULOUS sex with people I didn't like very much

I have had some CRAP sex with people I was desperately in love with

And sometimes having angry sex is great