Are dittany, expatinscotland and SolidGoldBrass still around?

[MollFlounders]

That's it really.

It's nearly the sixth anniversary of the re-claiming of my life and for some reason I've just re-read my old "leaving thread" from 2009. Hadn't looked at it for years - I couldn't; too traumatic.

Something made me look it up today. And coming at it cold, I was absolutely stopped in my tracks. Not by what a fuckwit my XH was and how utterly screwed up I was (although those things were both pretty bad). But what got me the most was seeing the staggeringly good quality of advice I got and the time, the unbelievable amounts of time, people invested in supporting me.

So many posters helped. Lots of them I still see on these boards every day (hello Jux ). But I haven't seen lately dittany, expat and SGB - maybe it's because I've had a long break from MN and have missed name-changes.

But if they are out there, I want them to know my immense gratitude for the way in which they tirelessly returned to help me and bail me out every time I started falling apart again. I said thank you at the time but I was in such a total daze/life fog/battle for sanity that I could not stand back and see what an epic effort these posters put in.

I don't know if you're still out there, but you literally changed my life. Lots of other posters did, too, but I'm just noticing the absence of you three, who were freaking awesome to me, and I hope you're out there and well.

Way, way, way too late to be saying this. But I owe you everything.

Thank you. I hope you see this

wow, he doesn't give up does he

glad to see the courts got the true measure of the man

he's not nearly as clever as he thinks he is

just out of interest...is he sucking the life out of some other poor woman yet ?

AF - that has been the biggest lesson I've learned: "he's not nearly as clever as he thinks he is"

I was so terrorised by him that I truly believed that he always had a master plan and would outwit me, the counsellors, the courts and that I would lose every time

Actually, he's not that good. Last summer's hearing was a cracker. The judge was onto him within about 30 seconds of the proceedings starting - his evidence was a shambolic mess of entitlement and deceptions

I was speaking to my therapist afterwards and saying that I couldn't believe XH had put himself in that position where he ended up in court with nothing even remotely credible to put forward to justify his behaviour (he represented himself). The therapist said that with people like him, the sense of entitlement and personal aggrandisement is so overwhelming that they just genuinely believe they will be able to make everyone else see that what they want must be granted to them. And they are almost baffled when it doesn't pan out.

That explained a lot for me

XH found a way of deciding that both the hearing and the outcome were all my fault, of course. But who cares.

"A beautiful story about how XH was the supportive husband and kept the home fires burning in order to allow me to go out and forge a career; how he'd sacrificed everything to allow me to pursue my dreams and now his prospects had withered on the vine after I cruelly abandoned him...."

Wow. You think you couldn't possibly despise him more but he's the gift that keeps on giving, isn't he?

yep who cares

he sounds like a classic narcissist

And re another woman - very sadly, yes. He has persuaded a woman to move in with him, about a year ago I think. Worst of all, she is very young. He is in his early 40s and I understand she is only in her 20s. I don't know anything about her at all, only her first name - XH will do everything in his power to ensure I am never able to contact or speak to her.

Unfortunately for her, she (New Woman) sounds lovely. DD1 really likes her and is a lot happier going for the weekend stays now she is around. She seems like a kind and loving person. However DD1 reports from time to time that NW was crying, XH pushed NW in the car, XH was mocking a present that NW's mum gave to NW. XH had DD1 for Christmas last year and I noticed that while NW went to her family from Christmas, XH and DD1 stayed at home alone. I'm sure that's because XH refused to go - like he refused to ever engage with my family.

I think about NW a lot

Oh thank God you said it.
I've been screaming Narc, Narc, Narc through all of the threads. Textbook.

"for Christmas" not "from Christmas"

And yes, he is a classic narcissist

Poor NW

Yep it took me a long time to come around to the label, but he ticks most of the boxes

I never met his father, as he passed away before I met XH, but he sounds like he was one too. XH was the "golden child", his brother was the "failure". You were praised if you did things valued by the father, punished if you didn't. XH's mum is a crushed soul. A pretty toxic set up.

I hope someone points NW in the direction of MN...

Well, quite, AF. Threads like this one genuinely give me a bit of a warm glow: it's still one of the absolute best things about MN that MNers can help other women get out of such horrible situations when all around are usually saying, try to be more understanding, marriages need to be worked on and all the same old bullshit.
I went and reread the original, as well, and Moll's horrible XH is still in the top three of vile, worthless men whose partners MNers have helped get away. (The other one that springs to mind was the one who wanted endless babies and, as it emerged, already had form for hurting the existing ones to punish their mother.)

You mean the git with the immortal tactic of 'stay with me and have Even More babies or I, being the caring daddy that I am, will tell our youngest that her mummy never wanted her'?

Yep, he was a prize specimen too.

Good god... I've just re-read your thread Moll, I remember lurking on that one whilst I was in the throes of morning sickness!

I'm so so glad your life is moving ever onwards and you've found happiness, and massive congrats on having a second DD

Lancelottie: the pin-dropping moment on that thread was the OP reporting a discussion she'd had with this man along the lines of 'H, you can't have another child because you don't have a uterus' and him replying 'I do. It just isn't working properly at the moment.' His meaning was that he owned the OP and she existed for his benefit.
She got out, as well.

Hi Moll! I remember your threads and am so glad to hear you are doing well. I admire your courage to start a new life for yourself. It could not have been easy.

Oh god, I remember that one, SGB.

Moll, I didn't post on your long thread but I recognise your name and I'm v glad you are doing well.

Great to see you are in a good place.

DD1?! Does that mean you found new love and made more baby/ies?

Have just read your entire thread moll started it this morning and just finished it now..totally resounded with me, my H was similar but not as sinister. I read the bit about the flowers and had an OMG moment. He did the same thing as yours did!

Loved reading your journey and so very happy you made it out the other side, well done lovely lady. Wishing you every happiness for your future