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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would this upset you?

31 replies

daizychain · 05/07/2015 15:27

My dh has told me to stop cooking his meals he will make his own he doesn't like what I make. I have been cooking for 12 years. I feel upset about this but should I?

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 05/07/2015 15:28

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CamelHump · 05/07/2015 15:28

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Finallyonboard · 05/07/2015 15:34

My dh hates my cooking so he cooks all of our food! I would be delighted if I was you. He should cook your food too though I think.

Original poster
daizychain · 05/07/2015 15:35

We have 4 dcs as well. They are finding it very strange. I give the dcs their tea quite soon after school and he is not home till later so I just eat with them. I don't know why I am upset. I feel like I have been sacked!!

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 05/07/2015 15:37

We need to know so much more.
Is he trying to be healthily or eat less?
Will he also cook for you?

ItsaTenfromDen · 05/07/2015 15:38

as long as he cleans up after himself

scarletforya · 05/07/2015 15:39

I'd be delighted as long as he cleaned up after himself. It's just a pity he comes home late, otherwise he could do all the cooking.

Original poster
daizychain · 05/07/2015 15:40

He says he doesn't like what I cook. He did mention more salads and the dcs are not mad about them a lot. He doesn't clear up after himself. Maybe I am over reacting. I wanted to post this to get other people's view in case I was.

OP posts:
Original poster
daizychain · 05/07/2015 15:41

Oh no he wouldn't cook for everyone!

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 05/07/2015 15:44

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CamelHump · 05/07/2015 15:45

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tallwivglasses · 05/07/2015 15:45

Tell him he can damn well clear up after himself and cook family meals at the weekend. What's he making for himself? It's all very odd, isn't it?

CatMilkMan · 05/07/2015 15:51

SELFISH?????? He doesn't want to eat things he doesn't like the horrible bastard!

Duckdeamon · 05/07/2015 15:54

He is being a dick if he doesn't clean up after himself. He should also offer to cook for the whole family at least some of the time (if he eats later than the rest of you he could prep a family meal for the next day for you to finish off cooking, for example). Does he do a fair share of other kinds of domestic work?

Duckdeamon · 05/07/2015 15:54

What do you do when he doesn't clean up?

googoodolly · 05/07/2015 15:55

YANBU to be upset that he hasn't said anything before now! I don't mind when DP fancies cooking though, he's a wonderful chef and always offers to cook for me or make extra so I can take leftovers to work etc.

It's shitty of him to not want to eat your meals and also not offer to cook for everyone himself. Has he said why he doesn't like eating what you cook? It could be you cook more child-friendly meals and he wants something a bit more adventurous?

Could you cook for the DC and he cooks for you two when he gets home? I know my parents did that because I was a fussy eater and it worked out pretty well.

Backforthis · 05/07/2015 15:56

Great. He can take over the adult cooking (and cleaning up afterwards) for a few weeks.

WhyTheDrama · 05/07/2015 16:01

Unless he was being mean then I don't see that this is a problem. I'd happily let him get on with it. It's nice that you were cooking for him but I could understand that he might prefer food he has cooked himself. He can then prepare it exactly how he wants.

My DH and I like very different style food. I cook for him because he is gets in late but I'm sure he would prefer his own food.

I don't think it's 'offensive' to admit you prefer you own food.

OP, I think you are BU on the little info you have given.

Lweji · 05/07/2015 16:01

Well, he does need to clear up after himself and cook for the family on weekends, then.
And why can't he cook for you, so that you can share a meal every day?

Do you get enough couple time?

Wrapdress · 05/07/2015 16:04

No, I wouldn't be upset. I can't imagine having to eat what someone else makes me every day. My guess is I would be as big as a barn if I did that. For me to stay skinny I have to manage my eating in a way most people wouldn't tolerate. So, I would want to know why he wants to make and eat his own meals. What's his objective? Weight loss? Health? Lower sodium? Or is it more eclectic like my cousins who have issues with having too many ingredients on their plate which they can't tolerate. I mean, there really is no explaining personal preference when it comes to food.

FluffyMcnuffy · 05/07/2015 16:07

I'd be annoyed that he'd kept it to himself for 12 fucking years that he didn't like my cooking!

I think I would actually be offended (I know that's slightly unreasonable) but I take great pride in my cooking and regularly cater dinner parties. I'd be gutted to learn my partner thought it was shit!

AliceAlice1979 · 05/07/2015 16:08

That would upset me too and Id feel slightly rejected as cooking nice meals is a way I show love to my family - and if they don't offer constructive feedback so I can make what they like as well as what I want to cook Id feel worse.

Original poster
daizychain · 05/07/2015 16:40

I think that's what I feel Alice, slightly rejected. Not given much info cause that's about all I know. It came out of the blue. I always thought I was an ok cook. Maybe I do focus too much on the kids eating habits. I make shepherds pie from scratch, pasta dishes, lots of chicken and fish etc but nothing adventurous. It's only occasionally we have things like oven chips and fish fingers. I am at home full time as I have been very ill for a while so as I have had to give up my career we have reverted to those 'traditional' roles.

OP posts:
Howsithanging · 05/07/2015 16:54

I think it's a way of opting out of family life.

A partner doesn't say suddenly after 12 years, I am doing my own thing unless there is a problem.

He could have suggested different meals instead.

Yes I would be very hurt and offended.

Twinklestein · 05/07/2015 17:01

I would just be glad not to have to cook twice. As he's an adult he can cook and clear up after himself too.