DH is depressed, my parents don't believe in depression!!!

[lincolnshirelassy]

Hi hoping for a bit of help dealing with this. DH has been suffering with depression/anxiety for quite some time and had CBT and therapy ending a few months ago. He seemed to be so much better. Last night though we were at a family wedding and he seems to have suffered a big relapse, he walked out of the wedding right at the end and did not come back to my parents house where we were staying. Obviously huge worry and us searching, calling, after a while he texted me to let me know he was fine and had walked home to our house ten miles away as he needed space. He has done this before, walking off and getting headspace is his way of coping. Obviously with him having gone backwards he is straight back to docs Monday and getting whatever help is needed. We have explained it to the children who are ok and I know he will get help and we'll get through it in time. The problem is my parents. They are angry with him as they don't 'believe' in depression, are firmly in the 'pull yourself together' camp and can't understand what DH is going through. So my mother has decided he must be having an affair instead. She sent DH a text saying they 'we think you were picked up from the wedding, but we have not told our suspicions about what is going on'. I am gobsmacked. For a start they didn't see him leave, I did. The wedding was on a farm in the middle of nowhere. And my husband simply isn't having an affair!!! I know my husband and know what he is going through. They are not trying to understand, are outraged at his behaviour and have invented an alternative scenario instead. How on earth do I attempt to handle this????

I'm going to leave it there; it's not my thread. Be careful about using stigmatising and ableist language though.

I've clarified my point on subsequent posts, but I don't think you want to hear that, so if you don't mind I will leave this thread alone.

X post it seems.

Everyones symptoms are different. Men typically have different symptoms to women ie more likely to be angry,less likely to go to the gp, 4 times as likely to successfully commit suicide.
The disappearing off is a fight or flight response and i do wonder if that is more a male response as well.

Bruffin the fight or flight thing is hugely interesting. I know a lot about it as relates to anxiety etc but somehow I had never made the connection that DH's dissappearing acts are the flight response in action. I just put this to him and he says even as a younger man on nights out he would dissappear and walk ten miles or so home when he'd had enough. Really interesting.

I used to suffer from severe depression - but I would never have just walked out on my husband and kids without at least saying where i was going. I just can't imagine doing that to people I love. But I guess people handle depression differently?

I don't believe in your parents. I cannot see them or touch them so they are obviously a figment of t'interweb. However, depression is very really and I hope you and your family get through this with all the RL support you need.

OP, when he / you talk to his GP, try and find out if EMDR is available anywhere near you. Read up on it and form your own opinion, but from personal experience it was incredibly helpful.

And for everything else. Protect yourself and the kids. I don't mean necessarily mean physically, but emotionally. You're not an infinite well of caring and support. You need to look after yourself so that you can look after your kids, and then try to help your dh if that's what you want to do.

Good luck to you both.

I would look for some support for yourself-your parents clearly do not understand mental health issues. I would just simply say to them that your husband is unwell whatever they think and not discuss it with them much further. There will probably be some support service for families locally.
I do feel that you need to talk to your DH about letting you know in future if he needs space. Depression changes people's cognitions in strange ways but I would let him know you were very concerned and upset (not the same as calling him selfish).