My mother has cut me out of her life - long sorry

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I posted on here a while back asking the question "Would you cut your mother out of your life" because of a really hurtful thing she did to me which she refuses to apologise for. I think my position has always been that it would be the last resort - I think my question should really have read "would you risk your mother cutting you out of HER life?". Well I risked it and she has...

Sorry to go over old ground but she told me over a year ago that my SIL found it hard to be around my son who has special needs. I didn't confront my brother and SIL until recently because they are really unapproachable and part of me felt that I had to just live with it. It came out a few months ago in a bit of heated discussion with my brother about something else. I immediately apologised to my mum for the way I had delivered it to my brother but said I felt it did need to be addressed (I have to protect my son, he will pick up on people's feelings about him). My mum denied having said anything of the sort and she, my SIL and brother all called me a liar (SIL said some really nasty things) and said I had invented the whole conversation, and my mum got the rest of the family to gang up on me.

My mum has said very little to my face but has badmouthed me and manipulated behind the scenes including trying to get the one (older)brother who has stood by me against me against me, accusing me of splitting up the family, etc.

Me and my older brother sent her an email telling her that we don't like the way the family operates, the scapegoating, backstabbing, and manipulating that goes on. We also told her that we wanted her to acknolwedge how bad our childhood was (my stepdad was physically and emotionally abusive to us both for several years, my mum left us home alone when we were really small, etc). We told my mum that this has really affected our lives (Neither me or b have much inner confidence and I still have nightmares about the past. I am having counselling now).

My mum said nothing to me and b but showed my younger brother and sister the letter (even though we asked her not to and to talk to us about it instead)and my sister had a go at me, said my mum was really upset and had told her what had "really happened" and that we had made it all up, it wasn't that bad. I sent an email asking to be treated with more respect or be left alone. I heard nothing from any of them till now.

My mum recently started texting and contacting my older b, we are both certain she was doing her usual "divide and rule" bit, trying to get him on side so I am the one left out. He emailed her back a few days ago and said she must apologise to me for calling me a liar and take on board our concerns if she wants a relationship with either of us. I have to say, I never wanted to issue ultimatums, but could not live with the alternatives which would be to just not be myself or true to myself.

My mum has emailed him back and said it is too late, we have both hurt her to much and it is beyond redemption and that we need to sort our own lives out and leave her to get on with hers. She called me false because I had a close relationship with her and never said anything like this before. I accept that I did used to just say "the past is the past" and because I have always been too petrified of losing her to ever cross her, so have accepted blame, guilt, comments behind my back about me and DH, and have carried on being loving and compliant towards her till now. We did have a "close" relationship but on the basis that I agreed with everything she said.

I feel okay, actually. I suppose I have been slowly accepting this may be the outcome for months. But I can't quite believe that rather than discuss things, debate things, get things out into the open and (what is hardest for her - apologise)so we can move on to a new and better level in our dealings with her she is willing instead to lose two of her children. Just feel sad about that really...

Hi Maisemor!

Nice to meet you

Sorry you've had this experience, must be hard to deal with and harder to explain to your dc. Are you and your little sister closer now? Have you discussed how things were over the years?

Sakura, Thanks for explaining again! Get all that you mean, agree with the Nitshce (sp!!) quote. Something I keep asking over and over again is 'why?'. On the other thread your on (my dd loathes me), very impressed with what your saying, you should be an agony aunt in a newspaper... or write a self help book perhaps...

xxxxxx

Hi Ally. My relation with my little sister is almost back to the way it was when we were children. And it is really good. I still think she has a really long way to go regarding my parents and letting go completely. I am not pushing her to do anything though. I believe it is something that you need to decide on your own.

Pages regarding forgiveness. The thing with my parents, and by the sounds of it also your parents, they don't think that they need forgiven. So you could go up to them one day and say I forgive you, and they would say why, it's me that needs to forgive you. I think it is more a question of understanding but not accepting for me. I understand how they have become so controlling and negative. It was the way they were raised just like their parents were raised that way. They are so busy trying to blame their parents for the hardship they have been through that they fail to see that they are acting exactly in the same way.

I am just so glad that I have actually realised and seen that I was turning into them and have decided to do something to chance it. I find it a horrible thought that my children would be scared of me. I have shouted at my children a few times, afterwards though I have said sorry mummy really should not have done that, and we have made up. The last time I shouted they told me that I was shouting and could I please stop, I was so proud of them both, and I immediately apologised and we continued talking properly.

I just have to believe that the circle can be broken and it will be broken by me.

The worst thing is that I know how their minds work, so I understand all their little games and the evilness behind all their mind games. I know that it actually makes them physically sick realising that they have something to apologise for, and therefore it is necessary for them to turn it into everybody elses fault. The last thing they will ever do is say the words I AM SORRY. I know this from myself. It is easy enough to apologise to my children, any adult I find it impossible at times to get those words out and if I do get them out I want to be forgiven straight away (otherwise I will turn it in to that person's fault), but myself I can hold a grudge for a long time. This is not something I am proud of, but I am working on it.

Oh, the Alain de Botton book is FAB. I would strnogly recommend it. I bought it ages ago, long before all this stuff with my mother, it is called "Consolations of Philosophy" and it is exactly that - a book of consolations. I keep it by my bedside. It has helped me through many a difficult time. There are I think 5 basic
"consolations" - ie for not having enough money, not being popular (very helpful for family outcasts like us lot! - describes how Socrates was an outcast and the basic principle is that being alone in your beliefs and having everyone else against you doesn't mean you are wrong), and the one about Nietsche which is "Consolation for Difficulties" which has helped me with everything from having a child with special needs to this stuff with my family. His philosophy is that going through difficulties is like being in a well, and that the more problems you encounter and deeper you feel despair in your life, the more happiness you will also feel because the well is also deeper when it comes to joy. He says people who don't experience anything unpleasant in their lives do not experience that much happiness either because the two are directly related (like joy and pain, two sides of the same coin, etc).

Just had a work call and now DH is begging me to make him a pizza so haven't has time to read through your post Maisemor but will hop back on tomorrow.

I haven't read this thread for ages, but wanted to pop in and say hello to you Pages. Hope you are well and happy.

Hi Dior

Your back!

How are you?

Hello. I have not actually been away . Changed names for a while because of h and have changed back. I'm ok. Mum and I have made up and things are great, which I am thankful for. How are things with you?

Dior, great that you have made up with your mum. I do think your mum , in acknowledging that she had failed you in that first conversation, has shown signs of being less "toxic" than many of ours. How did you sort it out? I thought of you when I got the recent acknowldegment, as I felt a bit like you did at first, particularly when she admitted she had never touched me. A part of me wanted her to come back and tell me I was wrong and that she had given me loads of cuddles and give me instances of it to remind me, it is a bit of a shock isn't it when you actually get an admission that you weren't loved in the way should have been?

Maisemor, really interesting reading. Your parents sound very like my mother in having to be right about everything, crticism of anyone who doesn't do things their way, etc. I hope you can nurture that relationship with your sister. My brother and I have certainly become closer through all this. What you said about them never apologising made sense. I think with my mother her ego is actually so fragile (the lack of the "real person" Sakura talked about) that she relies heavily on her being right and perfect, and so to say sorry is a really big thing as it would really shatter her fragile illusion about herself, and leave her feeling very vulnerable. She doesnt ever put herself in a position of vulnerability which is why she can't have a proper debate about any of this. Although her recent acknoweldgment was a step in the right direction and I appreciate it must have been hard for her to say the things she did. Despite her acknowldegment of the past (or some of it) I think she too deosnt really thnk she has done anything wrong so I doubt i will ever get a full apology, but like you I feel great for having done everything I needed to do and apologised for my part.

I could really relate to all the rules of your parents, they were exactly the same rules I had from my stepfather as a child - shutting doors properly, going up and downstairs more quietly, turning one light off before you turned another one on, clearing up your food before you had even eaten it, making sure you cleaned your shoes, where you were allowed to clean your shoes (outside), where in the house you were allowed to eat food, god help you if you ever forgot your door key and had to knock on the door to be let in(big no no) and which of the two toilets you were allowed to do a number 2 in (always found that one difficult as didn't always know in advance what was going to happen iyswim). Needless to say, any breach was likely to be punished with a good whack or at the least a bawling out and a load of abuse about what a stupid, lazy, clumsy cow I was. I spent most of those years just trying not to come into contact with him, coming home from school and legging it up the stairs into my bedroom, but of course I wasnt always safe there, he had a habit of barging into my room when I was getting undressed.

Like you Maisemor, I was the compliant one, the middle child also for many years till my younger half siblings came along, and didn't understand why my brother kept "going on" about the past. You have in a way given me hope though that my younger siblings may see things as they really are someday.

Pages I too hope that your sister will "see the light" for her own sake really, not because I believe in confrontation.

The thing is my big sister started rebelling when she was 14 (? it feels like she has been rebelling forever)and my little sister from the age of about 20-ish. Then when I suddenly said enough is enough this is not right, and walked away, my big sister still has ALL the same issues with them, but she is so enjoying being their "favourite" child (read the only one of their children that now speaks to them), that she has chosen to suddenly accept them as they are, which is why I have now also chosen to say I have no parents and I have no big sister. She has never ones asked for my version of events, and when I asked her if she wanted to hear she said no.

I am so lucky that I have my husband to "help" me although unfortunately all the hard work is up to me. I need to change the way of thinking, because I just realised last night, that I am playing these games as well. I understand exactly how they think and I HATE IT. I thought I had progressed over the last year since I divorced my parents, but I find that I still think like them.

I truly still don't understand why my husband is staying married to me, because I am such a mean, ugly, fat, stupid (I could go on) person. I feel I am like my parents and I really don't like them (very close to hate) so how can he or my children love me. It is something I am finding extremely hard to comprehend at the moment. Am I really the only one that feels like that. Do you all believe your husbands and children when they tell you that they love you. Logically I know that they do, but I don't believe it, because I am not worthy of their love.

Having a bad day today after realising that I can't look my husband in his eyes when saying sorry to him. It took me 10 minutes to even get the words out, and we were sitting in the dark.

Pages - we made up in October but it was obvious that all was not well. Then, after Christmas, she decided she had things that she needed to say to me. I was really offended by them as I saw the situation as about MY hurt. So, we stopped speaking again. During that time, they made a huge effort to still see ds, which I did appreciate. I was going through a hard time with h and Mother's Day was coming up. Plus, I missed her and was ready to move on, so I texted her. I asked if we could move on without all the big discussions, and she said 'Yes please, I love you and miss you'. Things have been great since, although we don't do things together yet.

'I truly still don't understand why my husband is staying married to me, because I am such a mean, ugly, fat, stupid (I could go on) person. I feel I am like my parents and I really don't like them (very close to hate) so how can he or my children love me. It is something I am finding extremely hard to comprehend at the moment. Am I really the only one that feels like that. Do you all believe your husbands and children when they tell you that they love you. Logically I know that they do, but I don't believe it, because I am not worthy of their love.'

Maisemor - that is sad. Yes, I feel that way a lot, but you know the things you think about yourself are NOT true don't you?

Maisemor

I can relate to that! I have a veneer of everybody tells me I'm not fat ugly stupid...but deep down I don't believe it. And I don't understand dh and dd loving me either, cause my mother and sister never did and my dad wasn't bothered about us...

news bulletin...
Just got a postcard, its from my favourite uncle, not heard from him since before I split from family. I thought he would be angry with me because he's a big fan of my mother. But he just sent me a postcard as a belated card to my dd. I'm in floods... :'( and I got an email from my cousin last night, thought he would get sick of emailing me because I have not replied for the last 2 years but he's still trying. Have replied that I will email a proper email soon...after I speak to my therapist! Sad isn't it. But I live in fear of speaking or seeing any extended family member in case it brings me back into indirect contact with my family.

Dior, so glad your back in contact with your mother! Hope you can keep progressing in your relationship, sounds good so far!

Okay, off now to read my postcard again

hi Dior, I haven`t read your story (maybe it was too raw and painful for me at the time so I kept skipping it). But its good that there is a light for you and your mother.

Pages, at least by not being able to say sorry, your mother knew the significance of the word. My MIL ( a real narcissist and who ticks all the boxes of that description) uses "sorry" as a kind of password. AS a kind of magic word that gets things back to normal and to get what she wants again as quickly as possible. SHe uses tears in the same way. When Im upset, my husband seems to not ever sympathise with me or fathom my tears. I realise now its because his mother uses tears to manipulate people to get what she wants. When he had a talk with her about the way shed beed treating me, she turned on the tears and said sorry. Now, just a few weeks later, DH is under the same old pressure of guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail. Its truly bizzare.
maisemor, youre not all the things you said you were. We all need to start improving our self esteem. Im going to look for books on Amazon. Can anyone recommend anything?
I have feelings of self-loathing, Like, I really am deeply flawed, that I dont deserve love, and I think of all the stupid things Ive done in my life and think how I made so many stupid mistakes. But then I realise that I had no guidance at all, so I was just blindly trying to grow up by myself. Also, they were mistakes and as long as I learn from them, I can treat them as a hurdle. i also think about all the times Ive hurt others, because hurting seemed to be normal behaviour to me. My mum gave me scathing comments, and I passed those on to other people. Im so ashamed of the person I was (am), but Im a person in transition I keep telling myself. I used to be convinced I was ugly (Im not, and neither are you, because nobody is ugly- except my MIL who is beautiful on the outside, but now I know her I cant bear to look at photos of her because her ugliness just shows through her dead eyes) Its just going to be a lot of work to keep trying to improve myself. I cant stand criticism either, and I hate being wrong. Im confrontational and all of this. But Im very affectionate with DD, and accept her unconditionally, and Im priming myself to help her become independant rather than forcing her to "need" me, so thats a good start isnt it?.

It is a brilliant start Sakura. For me it is just a matter of staying in that place of knowing that I AM doing something to change how I feel about myself. I can beleive it one day then the next 10 days I don't believe it.

The thing is it has taken so little effort (as far as I can see) for my parents to make me believe all these things about myself. You take a small child and you make it believe that its parents have all the power and everything they say is true. What they say is not nice and it makes you feel extremely insecure and bad about yourself, but you accept it because why would your own parents teach you anything but what is right. It only takes the parents max 6 months to make a child understand its place in the family and how it is supposed to feel about itself. It is not until somewhere in the child's teenage years that it might start realising this is not right, but by then you have already believed the situation to be true/normal for 14 years. And because I was made to feel so insecure about myself it took me 32 years and it just aint easy to suddenly erase 32 years of feeling insecure about myself. Logically I know I shouldn't but believing it is something that needs to be worked on

I certainly didn't realise it in my teens - it took me a lot longer, never had any reason to believe the way I felt about myself was wrong, so kept on inviting people into my life to kick me some more, although somehow or other from around age 18 I did manage to get a few nice boyfriends.

Books I found helpful on self-esteem were Alice Miller "The Drama of being a child" and also "Women WHo Love too much" by Robin Norwood, but going to have a think about some more.

Just thinking again about the self-esteem thing and although mine was seriously damaged as a child I think that somehow I managed to restore some of to an extent when I was younger by having a few long term and very loving relationships with boyfriends(in between the drunken and disastrous one night stands that we talked about before...).

I do get a lot of love and affection from DH and I guess I really rely on it. Not having any affection as a child left a huge gap and I remember DH saying to me once when I first met him, and told him about my childhood, "You are a Princess, you have just been lying on a Pea, that's all". That has always stayed with me and made me feel better. We have just been having a chat about the whole thing with my mother and he has just told me how much stronger I seem to how I was a year ago and that he is proud of me. Feel quite chuffed!

Sorry if I seem soppy but I guess what I am trying to say is that you are right Maisemor about it not taking much when you are a vulnerable child to influence you into feeling down on yourself, but that is all the more reason why we now should not be around people who are going to undermine us, and you have to make a real extra effort for yourself to hear and really let in the positive messages and to believe that it is true that you are a lovely person in order to counteract all the years of being made to feel bad about yourself - it is going to take a lot of strength, courage and effort but it can be done! Your DH's and dc love you for a reason - because you are extremely loveable(without a doubt!)

Thank you so much Pages, I know I will eventually get there, it just seems like an awfully long and bumby road. I will get there because I have to for my childrens' sake.

From what I can read on this thread your husband is right in being proud of you. You sound so much stronger and happier now.

Thanks, Maisemor, but you know it may not be as long a road as you think. It is only a year since all this stuff happened with my family and I feel like a different person. You have already made that brave decision and stood up to your parents and stood by your sister which has taken real courage, no-one did that for you, it was YOUR strength and courage and a real sense of what is right has pervaded over and above the influence they have weilded all their lives, which is an indication that you are a strong person - perhaps stronger than you think. You may feel like you are at the beginning but you are not - you are somewhere in the middle of the transition, and it is a very hard place to be but you can and will reverse the negative effect their childhood had on you.

All those negative feelings about yourself, and shame over things you have done (as Sakura mentioned) - I have felt all of that too, but you have to make a conscious effort to shut out the negative. I sometimes remember something I did or said to someone in the past that was embarrassing or hurtful and I very quickly tell myself to stop it and replace it with a positive message to myself about me and something good that I have done ... and remind myself that I am human, we all are, everybody does and says things they regret or feel silly about, including people who have had a perfectly ordinary upbringing.

I think the problem is that you and many of us have parents who have always expected you (and themselves - which they think they are)to be perfect. Well, here's the news... it's okay NOT to be perfect, it's okay to slip up, it's even okay to shout at your children and not always be the best mother in the world, as long as you are able to acknowledge that to yourself and your kids if necessary. It is this refusal of our mothers to acknowledge they have done anything wrong that has had such a negative effect on us, and you owe it to yourself to be extra gentle with yourself because of that. The self-doubt and self-crticism is learned behaviour, internalised from your parents and it can be unlearned. Staying away from people who undermine you and don't support who you are, which is a loving, kind and thoughtful person, is a huge step in the right direction. Hell, we are all princesses - we just had to get off the pea!!

Sorry, should have said "the negative effect your childhood had on you" not "their childhood"

Wihiii,I feel quite proud of myself getting through the last weekend. My auntie (father's sister) came to visit. I only keep in touch with her and my sister out of my family. She lost her husband (a wonderful person that I was taught was a golddigger and no good, and therefore was not allowed to like) last year and she decided to finally come over here and visit us. I was extremely weary about this as she is just as negative as the family members I have cut out of my life, and critises everything and everyone she can, which is extremely exhausting.

It actually went really well, even though my son at one point (luckily when she was not around) said he does not like her, and he is only 3.

I was very polite, although the last evening here, she decided to help with the children. I had just put them in to bed and told them to be quiet etc. etc. I came in to the livingroom and she asked if they were sleeping, I said no not yet, they are being mischiveous and she decided to go in there and tell them off. My husband started telling auntie off and I felt sick to the stomach and panicky and had to ask him to stop doing it. I don't know why, I just could not handle it. I did not want a show down and especially not on the last night. With hindsight, I should probably have said something as I/we REALLY did not want her going in there, as it just makes the situation worse with our children. I felt that I owed her something somehow, and she acts if I owe her something, because she gave us some money (£160 which is a lot of money in her eyes) and because she came over to visit us.

Realistically I know now that I don't owe her anything, I am not in this for her money but because she is family and I have always felt kind of sorry for her, as she has not been able to have children of her own and she has lived in my father's shadow (golden boy 10 years younger than her)but it just makes me realise that I might not be able to see my parents when I go home for Christmas this year (every second x-mas DK/UK with my little sister). I had thought about doing the same as Sakura did (it was you wasn't it?) offering to meet at a playground somewhere so they could see their grandchildren.

Can't help feeling slightly dissappointed about it though, but at the same time quite pleased that I did "handle" her for 4 days without rising to all crap she came out with (critisising my daughter's friends, their hairdos, the way they walk etc. the fact that my daughter was not wearing a dress - she doesn't get to when she has not been listening to me - at one point she wanted me to ask the waitress if I could change the £5 note she had been given as change because it was too dirty for her purse, first time I point blank refused any of my family members to do something). That is the part I am most proud of by the way

Anyway, hope you are all doing well.

Here I am - thought I would join this thread while the iron was hot (or whatever the internet equivalent is).

This is a copy of the separate post I made:

hi everyone

when I was small my brothers and sisters left home (they were much older) - my mother was bringing us up alone and I was the last one. I loved her more than anything - then when she had a boyfriend they used to abuse me (though I was never touched). My siblings didn't help even though it was pretty obvious I was very troubled (and I asked one for help:they did nothing). I never said anything (my mother was a drama queen and I put her happiness before mine) but later on when I went to university I had a lot of trouble and eventually sought some help - basically to overcome the extreme depressions I suffer. I have never had it out with her or the rest of my family - I still experience big mood swings when I see them which is about once every year. Somehow even though I live on another continent my life is still dictated by it all and I feel that the time has come to say or do something. My siblings do not take much notice of my life even now and we never communicate though I have a good relationship with their children.

My mother has been ultra-nice since I left home, and it makes me feel quite insane - as if I cannot do anything now about the past because she is being sickly sweet.

I am planning a family and I think that the only way I can raise a family would be to cut ties completely with them - in practical terms this would mean never seeing them at Christmas and not receiving birthday cards or phone calls from my mother.

Have any of you cut ties with family and what has it been like? To be honest I am too disappointed and disgusted with them (especially now I am an adult) to be able to keep up this charade (it is this duality which is the problem - and the fact that the truth is just never revealed).

I'd be grateful for any advice?

Hannah

Hi Hannah

Thanks for joining us. I am sorry for what you went through as a child and for your isolation. I don't mean to pry but are you talking about sexual abuse? I wasn't quite sure from what you said. How old were you and how long did it go on for? I only ask because if it was, then I would not hesitate to say that you should ensure that your future children had nothing to do with her. Is she still with the same man?

I know exactly what you mean about the duality, in my experience it is impossible to keep up the charade and pretend it never happened and at the same time to be your true authentic self. It is now just a year since I saw my family, I have had nearly a year of counselling, and I can honestly say that I just wish I had done it earlier and reclaimed my lost self much sooner.

If the abuse was of a sexual nature I would go as far as to say that your future children may well suffer if you carry on seeing your family and suppressing the pain of what happened. You might want to read any of Alice Miller's books; she is a firm advocate of confronting your parents and the truth in order to prevent the past being revisited (in one form or another) on your children and/or mental health problems for you.

Yes it was sexual abuse. And also emotional. The sexual abuse went on for about 7 years. The emotional abuse ... ongoing?

My mother isn't with the same man anymore. A new one who thinks everything is perfect and that she is the perfect mother and grandmother.

I know for a fact that my sister suspected/knew something was happening with me and she did nothing - now she has children and it disgusts me (we have a 15 year age difference). Interestingly I also know that she won't have my mother and her boyfriend to babysit - only on her own.

I keep thinking that even if I don't have the self-esteem to sort this out for myself, I should do it for my future children!

am such a mess today!

thanks!
hannah

Sorry I'm going to continue over on this thread instead of the other.

Has something happened that has started you feeling like this, did your mother/sister/brother say something to you? Are you already pregnant?

I do believe that if you are not going to confront your family then this is going to eat you up from the inside for the rest of your life. I also think you need to try and talk to your mother before it is too late (no intend on being morbid here).

No problem - no there was no particular trigger, I'm not pregnant yet - I had a huge deadline and I think that the constant setting of deadlines and meeting them in a perfectionist way is all linked to this - now that is over I am again left with these emotions. Also my mother is threatening to visit - which might also be a trigger. I know that past relationships have been really messed up by how I feel about the past and I don't want my current one to be.

I just don't know why I have this lack of courage - silly really - to confront this past stuff and say how it made me feel.
Perhaps I should write her a letter? I tried to tackle the subject in the past in person but she brushed it off, knowing how uncomfortable I was feeling.

I need a backbone! It really feels as if I have stopped thinking that all those things were "deserved" and now I have to talk about them: I know that I deserve(d) to be treating as a precious thing and that was quite the reverse of what happened. The fact is that I don't think that my siblings of my mother have the right to my company anymore, unless we talk about the past.

hugs

Hannah

Hannah I have just replied on the other thread but will stick to this one now perhaps too. Writing a letter is a good idea, that's what I did. But I would also try and get some counselling and I would hang on to the letter for a while and read and re-write it till you are really happy with it. I would send it to the whole family (can you email them all?) so that they all get the same thing at the same time and don't get into a situation of chinese whispers about what you have said. Be prepared for a brick wall of denial and possibly the loss of all of them.

I would strongly recommend you read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. You can read some extracts online. I don't know which country you are in but it is an international bestseller and any major bookshop should be able to get it for you. Or you can order it on line. It is highly relevant to your situation and will help you to prepare for and to write the letter.

You are right that you deserved to be your mother's little princess. It is NOT your fault that any of this happened to you. You have been badly let down by the entire family but your situation is far from unique and unfortunately other family members protecting your mother instead of you is a common theme and something that is still happening in my family. The good thing is - I don't care anymore! (well, not in the way I used to anyway...)

If you are to take care of your future babies you need first to take care of yourself. Think of yourself as the little child that needs protecting and take care of yourself. We will be here for you.

xxx