ive just let the love of my life walk away. ive deleted the numbers and the messenger services. it was reciprocal. he wasnt going to commit and is in a relationship already.
i left mine when i realised i had feelings for him. i walked away from a relationship of 27 years. like a complete idiot
this is hard. my eyes are like piss holes in the snow. i wouldnt let him end it by text and said he had to call or visit, then deleted everything on the phone.
but now i know whats about to happen.
i feel very alone and have during the entire non relationship if im honest - he was never mine to miss.
so why do i miss him already?
my life is in tatters. im lonely. im alone. i have been for 6 months. i thought things would change but he is by his own admission a coward and nothing ever changed despite promises.
i realise now nothing ever will.
i have to walk away and move on.
i left my home. my dh. my grown up children. my pets.
for nothing. dh has moved on and has a gf. a real relationship while i was pissing about with cloak and dagger bloke who was never gonna commit. its fine - bed made....lying in it and all that.
but right now - id gladly lay down and die. i destroyed my lifes work of 27 years in 6 weeks. 6 months later im in the same boat. i have nothing but debt debt and more debt. i have no prospect of a relationship - ive had plenty of predatory men try it.....ive had at least 2 encounters that were sheer desperation and that i hated myself for.
my self respect is below sea level and my judgement is questionable.
im fucked.
im about to get dumped by someone who never deserved me in the first place....and who i just dont want to get dumped by. but its going to happen or im going to do it for them.
ive waited long enough.
im not gong to meet anyone else am i. im going to grow old and die alone and i cant even have a cat cos i rent now.