Financial abuse: What's going on here?

[CluckingBelle]

Partner A and Partner B, plus 2 children. Money is tight. Partner A works full time and Partner B stays at home, 1 child is in school, the other is a baby.

Partner A receives wages and tax credits into their account as B has no bank account. On payday, A pays all the bills (all in A's name), buys food shopping, groceries, clothing and wverything needed for the children etc. B receives a weekly sum of money which is spent solely on B. A also spends money on them self but probably half or a little more than the amount that B spends.

Is A abusive as they hold the purse strings or is B abusive as they refuse to take any financial responsibility?

Consider it a blessing.
It sounds like the children and you will be better off without his presence in your lives.

You start off by trying to be nice, but when it gets shoved down your throat you stop. Stick to the bare bones of the agreement. You don't need to do anything to encourage contact. The quicker he gets bored of trying, the happier you are all going to be - it's taken me 7 years of being divorced to get to where you are, and we are all so much happier with almost zero contact.

I would stop facilitating contact, as others have said he can take you to court. You then tell the court that due to alcohol/drug concerns you will be happy for contact to de supervised in a contact centre as a child safe guarding measure.

He will be the father he chooses to be and your dc will one day work out what that is. It is entirely down to him.

I would send him an email stating that there is a child safeguarding issue and that you will no longer be contact supervisor due to that not being your role. I would tell him in email that he is blocked from all forms of communication with you apart from email.

If he likely to kick off it may be prudent to not reply to any emails for at least 24 hours, giving you time to think things through. You can always phone the police and start a paper trail so that you have everything logged for future reference. Going to your gp and logging how his continued abuse is effecting you will help to strengthen this paper trail.

It may help you to contact womans aid and start the freedom program, maybe also ask gp for some counselling for you, so that you don't have do deal with this on your own and to work through the abuse you suffered from whilst in a relationship with this man.