I have been with my partner for just over three years. We have a 20 month old DS.
I don't like the way that DP speaks to me. If I get upset about anything he has done, he just gets angry.
A few weeks ago, we went out and he got drunk. DS was staying at his grandparents. I was sober because I was driving. When we got back we had sex, he asked me for anal. I said no, he kept touching my bum hole anyway and he kept slapping my bum cheeks, which is normally ok but he was doing it really hard so I asked him to stop, he stopped for a bit then carried on. I told him to stop. After a couple of minutes he started slapping me again saying that he "had to"!?! I pulled away and he asked if I wanted to stop. I said yes and started crying. He looked at me and said "stop crying!", followed later by "what's the matter?" I said "why would I tell you what the matter is? You've just told me to stop crying! Actually the matter is that you kept slapping me after I asked you to stop!" I left the bedroom and came downstairs and he went to sleep.
A couple of hours later he got up and came downstairs and started sorting out his stuff for work the next day. Then he said to me "don't call the police because I will know it was you" I didn't know what he meant but realised that he was planning on driving back to his house, 15 miles away. I tried to stop him, because he was drunk and I was worried he would crash. I stood behind his car to stop him. He reversed the car into me (very slowly so I wasn't at risk of injury) I stepped back, he did it again, he was very determined to go so I moved and let him go. I couldn't ring the police as his car is a very common make and model and I couldn't recall the reg number so it would have been useless info.
The next day, after no texts or communication at all he came back in the evening very humble and apologetic. I told him to never drink like that around me again.
Last weekend we were away staying with friends. He was drinking on Saturday night but not too heavily. When we went to bed, we were chatting very amicably about stuff. Then he called me a "snob" (which made no sense whatsoever in the context of the conversation and isn't true at all anyway) he then repeated it twice more saying "you are a fucking snob". I ignored him as he was drunk. the next day I said I was upset that he had called me a snob he told me not to be silly, that it had been a joke and he hadn't meant it. I said it wasn't funny and that he had repeated it and added in "fucking" for emphasis. He dismissed my feelings.
Fast forward a couple of days and he annoyed me about something else. I said I was fed up with the way that he was behaving towards me recently and wanted to know what was going on. He asked for an example. I said "well you called me a snob on Saturday" he said I was "being a child" about it. I said that I didn't like name calling, especially from a partner and that if you have upset someone it is normal to try and sort it out rather than dismiss them. He said that he thought I had lied to him about how my marriage ended and suggested that my ExH was the one that left me, because of my unreasonableness. He walked away and went for a shower. That night he didn't come to bed or talk to me any further and slept on the sofa.
Now he is acting like nothing has happened. I don't know what to do. He makes me feel like I am making mountains out of molehills all the time.
A few months ago I said that I don't feel loved by him and he said "you're wrong" and that was it. No hugs or reassurance or anything and I was really upset. Nothing has changed. He barely touches me, very rarely says he loves me. Only texts to ask me stuff etc. I don't know what to do. I feel really unappreciated but when I talk to him he makes me feel like I am just whining.