I don't want the bastard to get his hands my my inheritance!

[ALaughAMinute]

My elderly mother (90) has dementia and and is likely to die soon.

I want to divorce my husband and don't want him to stake a claim on my inheritance.

I made an appointment to see a solicitor on Friday. I had a quick chat with her on the phone and she told me that the only way I can secure my inheritance is to get a court order. Does anyone know how long it takes to get a court order?

I was in such a flap, I forgot to ask!

Thanks again for your replies. I've got butterflies in my stomach reading this thread and thinking about the appointment on Friday.

The DC's will both be at uni by the time we get divorced and I'm hoping it doesn't effect their studies too much. We've got lots of jobs to do round the house so we probably won't be able to put the house on the market until Spring next year. I don't relish the thought of living with my ex H while we've got the house on the market but the only other option is to move out but I'm worried about leaving him in the house by himself and losing control. It's a difficult one.

Baby, good point about the care fees. What if she lives for another 5 years? If the money runs out, there will be no inheritance!

What if she's left me out of the will? We didn't have the best relationship so there's always a chance that she's left everything to my sister.

I'm going to write a list of all the reasons I want to divorce the bastard. If I start now, I should be finished by tomorrow morning! I was hoping for an amicable divorce but I don't think it is possible.

Babybarrister - would you mind expanding a bit more on "prospects". Certainly when my ex and I divorced a couple of years ago (hostile, every point argued all the way) there was no mention of inheritance. My dad is quite wealthy and ex knows this. His parents have assets but are not as well off. If ex had thought he could cause hassle to me and he gain financially he would have pursued prospects to the end.

To me, as an accountant, prospects are a bit of a contingent asset - ie you have no actual claim, it is a vague possibility/probability in the future. Even pension assets where the actual figures are based on assumptions are still real contract assets.

Not sure where in the country you are, but under Scots law inheritance is not included in any settlement, much to my relief as I was in the same situation as you a few years age. I hope you get it sorted x

She's in England Steelchic

Aw sorry Bit, just skimmed though posts
. Very complicated, because as OP says care home fees could take care of most / all inheritance. Good luck with lawyer OP x

Thanks again for the replies.

It doesn't sound as if it will be easy for my H to claim a stake in my inheritance for the following reasons: A) I don't know if I'm in the will so there might not be an inheritance. B) My mother is not dead yet and could easily live for another 5 years, in which case there will be nothing left to leave me.

I just hope my mother dies after my divorce is finalised for her sake and mine.

H is in such a bad mood tonight I can't wait to get rid of him! Miserable bastard!

I'm not looking forward to seeing the solicitor tomorrow but I have no choice. I've got to get out of here!

I'm my mothers only heir and my inheritance was not taken into account.

Mum was 80 at the time and just tickling the edges of dementia. As you say you don't even know if you are in the will and ou don't know how much care home fees will swallow up anyway.

Don't stress it. Wait till you see your solicitor tomorrow. Personally I can't see how your mums money is classed as a marital asset when
a) you don't have it
B) you might not get it
C) there might be nothing left.

When the judge comes to divvy up the assets , if they go 50/50 I can't see how your half can be based on a possibility that might not happen.

I saw three solicitors and went for the one who felt I would get more than 50 per cent.

I asked around friends to get the best one and I went out of town for mine.

In reality It was more like a 75:25 split .

Cross post lol

A beneficiary can ask for a deed of variation, so all or part of an inheritance goes directly to someone else. I gave a proportion of mine from my mother to my children. The solicitor did it during probate but you have up to 2 years from the death.

But whether this would be interpreted as a deliberate attempt to reduce your assets I've no idea.

I saw three solicitors and went for the one who felt I would get more than 50 per cent.

Dowser, that's a good point! I'm only seeing one solicitor but I should probably shop around a bit to see what's on offer. The solicitor I saw last time has since left so I've no idea what this one is like.

My appointment is at 2.30 pm and I feel sick. H doesn't know I'm going because I haven't told him. He knows I want a divorce but he doesn't know I'm going to see a solicitor today. Ideally I would like divorce proceedings to start in September when my youngest DC starts uni but I will have to wait and see what the solicitor advises.

He's woken up in such a foul mood today, I hate him!

Good luck today OP

Write down everything you want to ask - look through this thread for some pointers.

Does anyone know if it's possible to have such a thing as a formal separation? That might be useful and let him know you mean business

Your "D"H doesn't need to know a damn thing. Hug your little secret to yourself and smile, knowing you take control today

Thank you Bit, I am trying to be strong but I just feel like crying.

I just had to go and take him to pick his car up and we didn't say a word all the way there. He got out the car and didn't even say thank you. Fucking bastard!

I can't help but wonder how much longer this is going to go on and how I will cope. We've got so much to do round the house that we can't put it on the market until the Spring! I wish I could move out but I can't afford it.

God only knows how I will cope with my job when I'm going through divorce and both my babies have flown the nest and I'm stuck in this house with him!

I've got to be strong.

You can and will do it OP

Thanks, I will do my best.

Imagine we re all there with you! Urging you forward. Think about your mom and how much she would hate for him to get her money and let that make you strong

I will, thank you. My mum used to quite like the bastard but if she knew how he'd behaved the last few years she wouldn't want him to get his hands on her money that's for sure!

The worst thing is he works from home so there's no getting away from him. I wish he'd fuck off out somewhere! Prat!

Best of luck for today. You both need to split ASAP as your not happy or the best person you can be with him.

My parent split when I moved out, mum didn't hate dad as you do though, just didn't love him.

It was the best for both of them as they are both happier now

Thanks Joys, I probably should have got rid of him years ago but I wanted to wait until my youngest child had left school. God only knows why, but I felt like it was the right thing to do for some reason.

I can't believe I'm going to be leaving the house in just over two hours to go and see a solicitor to talk about divorce! OMG! I never thought this would happen to me!

I've written everything down just in case my mind goes numb and I can't speak !

I should have some lunch but I'm not hungry. I might reward myself with something nice from M&S afterwards if I'm up to it.

Back from the solicitors but didn't get home until late because I had to help a neighbour round up some cows that had escaped from her field. Country life eh?

Had a really good meeting with the solicitor and I didn't break down which I am quite pleased about.

She basically said that my inheritance is safe provided my mother doesn't die before a financial settlement is agreed.

With regard to the house, she said a 50/50 split was likely plus maintenance or I could go for a higher split (in my favour) and forget the maintenance. She couldn't advise me on whether it was a good idea to proceed with a divorce straight away or wait until my youngest DC starts uni as she said it was my decision.

I don't feel as if I've learned much but she was very easy to talk to which I think goes a long way. We even managed to have a laugh which came as a pleasant surprise. To be honest I think I laughed a bit too much but maybe I was bordering on hysterical given the situation.

So where do I go from here? Do I ask her to proceed straight away or wait until September? I still don't know. I said I would leave it a few days and get back to her.

The other thing I'm wondering is whether I should shop around to get the best solicitor as Dowser suggested. She was nice enough, but I'm not sure if she's a top notch solicitor. How would I know? How do you decide?

Incidentally, - my husband was abusive the minute I walked through the door - he called me a "fucking rude cow" because I asked him to help me carry some shopping bags into the kitchen. I wasn't rude, and even if I was there was no need to call me a fucking rude cow. All of this stands to remind me why I've got to get out.

And now to do some thinking...

Proceed now. If only on account of your mum.
Have you got chance to ask around friends how they fared. You might want to go out of town like I did.

My solicitor said it would most likely be 60/40 but when I did my sums it was nearer 72-73 percent for me.

He was living with the other woman so didn't need a house.
He ran up £30,000 of debt and the judge said as he'd done that after he left the marriage then it was all his!

Don't go for maintainance. My solicitor recommended a clean break. I was up front with all of my stuff while he thought he would be a clever little bastard and I think that's why I ended up much better off. NE lied every which way he could.

Have a word with Jeremy Wolffe from Divorceline. He will advise about pensions . There's been some new ruling on that. Mine had a small pension so he got to keep it.

Act now and keep the momentum going.

Answer everything promptly, not shilly shally like I did. That only raises your bill. It just used to knock me sick when I saw a long white envelope on the mat.

The person who brings the divorce pays...so about £1000 for that unless it's gone up greatly and then there's your solicitors hourly rate.

Good luck op and keep posting. I hated mine at the end but he brought it all on himself with his lies and nastiness.

Also there's a cost for every email and letter.

It's horrible OP. really stressful. An absolute awful time and you think there's no light at the end of the tunne.

Watch finances. Make sure he can't empty a joint account.

We had separate ones so that was fine.

Make sure he can't remortgage your house etc.

Now is the one time when you really have to be on the ball when you just want to curl up and die.

Be vigilant. Be prepared to do your own homework. The stuff I found out about my ex and presented to solicitor. Can't say about it here . Take photos, keep copies.

You've got to be your own spy. Watch what goes on on the computer

All stuff like that.

I saw it as a game of wits and wills in the end. He thought he was really clever but my god did he make himself look stupid.

At least while you are on his case it gives you something to do so that he doesn't pull the wool over his eyes.

I tied mine up in knots!

Oh and op don't ASk him to do anything for you. He's lost that privilege.

Mine was babysitting and I came home and he thought he would be chatty. I just ignored him...totally.

It got itself really wound up and stomped off in a little fat rage with itself. I was hysterical with laughter when he'd gone. He was ow's problem by then.

;-)

I'll hold your hand and I'm sure there will be others. I couldn't have got through it without friends and my god if I'd had this place I would have thought I'd died and landed in heaven.

You get the strength from somewhere honest you do.

I agree, go for it now. You have absolutely nothing to gain by delaying, it's not as though if you wait till Sept it'll all be done and dusted by the time your DC comes home from uni at Christmas. Those three extra months between now and Sept might make all the difference.

From what you've said the solicitor you saw today sounded a bit wishy-washy. If your Stbx is as bad as you say it'll help having a Rottweiler on your side rather than a friendly bichon frisée! Good luck.