Great New Man but Not Keen on his Hobbies/Lifestyle

[MindMaking]

Reading some of the posts on here, its hardly worth complaining about.

I've recently met a great new man, great chemistry after quite a few dates followed by (excellent sex) and I'm pretty sure its heading towards exclusivity. But its also become apparent that he has a very healthy lifestyle. That's great. But its verging on what I think its the obsessive. He is vegan, training to be a yogi, won't eat fat, sugar, and a whole list of perfectly normal foods and seems a bit over-invested in his admittedly very handsome appearance and figure. He doesn't work (because he is training to be a yoga instructor) so spends most of his time doing yoga, gym training and cooking (he goes to 3 different kinds of cookery classes).

To be honest, while I'm enjoying the benefits at the moment, I can see it getting a bit wearing long term. I'm wary of getting in too deep, as at the moment I could just walk away without being too overly emotionally invested. And the thought of a stringy yoga-tastic vegan in his fifties or sixties really doesn't appeal.

Would anyone else feel the same way? Am I being ridiculously picky? I think I'm also a bit wary because he tries very hard to come across as a decent guy, being seen as doing the right thing by not leading on women (that's why he says he is single), and he certainly seems very into me, but he is also very attractive and seems to have a lot of women hanging onto his every word when we bump into people he knows.

Bit controlling, arent you Lentil? You arent being made to eat it.

Lentil he doesn't drink milk because its full of fat. I haven't asked him about fully skimmed because I don't really want to go into that much detail over his personal food choices.

I have never heard him mention concern for or even awareness of the existence of farm animals.

I've no problem with him being vegan whatsoever, although his diet seems a little more obsessive than that. Not so keen on the yogic obsession. For that I make no apology. Yogic men have a limited appeal, although I'm not sure all of them are aware of that.

We will both see how long this lasts.

Doreen, I could not be with a non-vegan. The handsome yoga man sounds similar. They are not compatible. I could not be with someone so lacking in compassion. That's not controlling.

Hidsup, you'd work even if you had enough money not to? He is working towards something worthwhile (a job, in fact!) - not sat watching Jeremy Kyle all day. You say sleepy, I say dreamy. And dreamy (and free) is good.

Does he just follow a plant-based diet then, and isn't actually vegan?

"he doesn't drink milk because its full of fat."

What's he put on his Rice Krispies then?

If he's vegan, he won't eat Rice Krispies, MadeMan. Plus they are full of sugar.

Oh God, so there are 'good' and 'bad' vegans now?
"Sorry, you may avoid meat, dairy, etc, but if you don't do it for the 'right' reasons, you're just a plant eater..."?

Does sound like he's a herbivore lentil. I don't think the op was deliberately waving products made from bovine lactation in his face though - it sounds like she was hungry and brought out a default snack. If he hasn't been in her life that long, it's easy to do.

My DH is an enthusiastic omnivore and has been known to wave bacon at me in what he thinks is an enticing manner btw otherwise he is very respectful of my choices and has never given me stick for unpredictably converting to veganism, ever. We're both entitled to make our own choices about the ethics of food, and he does endeavour to buy meat from free-range, 'happy' animals. It's a step in the right direction anyway.

Sorry for the derail op!

"The chemistry is amazing" ... From your description of him it sounds like a very practiced type of chemistry from his side....beware. Can he laugh at himself? (Or maybe that's my stuff). He sounds like a bore to me too I'm afraid - all preening and posturing and possibly over earnest to cover up some lack. But hey, enjoy it if he floats your boat ...

"Plus they are full of sugar."

Yeah that's true; quite a lot of sugar.

Milk isn't 'full of fat' though

Lentil Does he just follow a plant-based diet then, and isn't actually vegan?

Honestly, I haven't done such precise scrutiny of his diet. It is possible that he just likes the sound of saying he is vegan, and practices it because it suits his current way of thinking.

I have to say even he probably wouldn't stand up to the scrutiny of Lentils ideals. He isn't so extreme!

Yes, TooHard, very possible.

Hidsup, you'd work even if you had enough money not to?

Is anyone else struggling with the contrast between the desirable morals of being the right kind of vegan, and the lack of awareness of the morals of working for other than monetary gain?

Just for you, Lentil :)

Christina has it:
"I would dump anyone who tried to come between me and chocolate"
This x 100000!

MadeMan I do hope you are not one of those men who like a woman to eat chips and chocolate while staying a size 10.

A lot of these types seem to frequent dating sites from what ive heard. Ive lost a lot of weight and to keep it off i cant eat chips or chocolate AT ALL because my body cannot handle it. Ive gone from a size 28 down to a 14. A loss of ten stone I had ONE day off last week to eat birthday cake and when i weigh in this Tuesday i can tell you i will show a gain. Some of us HAVE to be strict because one tiny thing can and does make a difference.

In my case though i dont moan if someone around me wants to eat a mars or a snickers. I think Good for them They are lucky their body allows them to get away with it Mine doesnt.

As women we cant win Overweight= we dont meet the realms of fuckability.

Watch what we eat= we are miserable bitches who cant enjoy our food.

Having said all this OP he sounds like a right PITA Because he judges what other people eat or do Thats the difference.

I am vegan, dp of 38 years is committed meat eater. I am tee total dp likes his red wine. without outing myself we are the polar opposites on every fundamental part of our upbringing. If you put our profiles into any online dating agency there is not a chance in the universe that we would be matched. If you want to make something work you will make it work.

It comes down to if you want to eat Mars bars and he wants to eat vegan cardboard muesli then everyone should be happy otherwise the writing is on the wall.

Controversially, what about looking at it from the other direction? He obviously has dedication, discipline and could you find the attention to his body a positive?

Failing that, have another mars bar and sod him!

Am I being pedantic worrying about someone not eating fat? My sister is a bit of a perfectionist and always had a weight problem. The only way she managed to lose weight was by following a diet that said to cut out fat, so of course, being a perfectionist, she cut it out completely. Next thing you know she got epilepsy

"MadeMan I do hope you are not one of those men who like a woman to eat chips and chocolate while staying a size 10."

No no, not at all. I don't eat chips and chocolate all day or I'd be putting on weight as well.

I do like chips and chocolate though.

"...so of course, being a perfectionist, she cut it out completely. Next thing you know she got epilepsy."

I don't know at all about the epilepsy thing, but I do wonder whether some people are suited better to certain food types (some 'fad' diets suggest possibly). If I eat lots of fruit, veg and grains and cut out junk food completely then my skin seems to play up; it's not a short term cleaning out process either.

I liken extreme lifestyles such as devout veganism etc to radical religion. Lentil's first post is a case in point IMO. Recently I made a flippent comment on someone's fb status about vegans, he had made a comment about never being able to be one and I commented similarly, I was then subjected to a barrage of abuse from people I have never met before or even encountered about how I was almost single handedly responsible for the destruction of the planet, and how dare I not come back and justify my decisions to eat meat.... and on and on and on until I had to block them all. Now if ever there was a reason not to become vegan it would be because I would never want to be tarred with that brush.

Personally I couldn't go out with a vegan but each to their own. But any kind of lifestyle which looked down on the way I lived e.g. making me feel bad about eating a mars bar would make me think that the relationship was incompatible anyway.

Whizzbang Controversially, what about looking at it from the other direction? He obviously has dedication, discipline and could you find the attention to his body a positive?

I'd admire him more if he did something practical with it. Like excelling in some sport or going to the Alps climbing mountains, or something! I can't see the point of it without - it seems too much like vanity, and/or obsession.

I don't know why I'm questioning him really, as normally I'm quite bad at taking people for face value. He seems very experienced with women. I wonder if he has a practised line of appearing unusual to draw women in, or at least the usual type of woman he goes for (who frequents yoga and vegetarian cookery classes). Maybe I am judging him too harshly.

FWIW I don't have issues with my weight, despite eating the odd chocolate bar. If I ate as obsessively little calories as he seems to, I think after a few weeks I would become ill.

I'm a bit at Lentil's assertions that a woman should only have a man in her life if she "deserves one", never mind letting him back on the market for a woman that deserves him more. Never mind that relationships are based on a lot more than just a shared diet (such as attraction), the concept that a woman has to be a good little girl to "deserve" a man is utterly ridiculous. How sad to be thinking like that in 2015.

Mindmaking,
I'm chipping in here as a strict vegetarian (no meat, no dairy products but I do eat eggs).
My husband eats meat.
He agreed to eat 2 veggie meals a week before we got married, and he enjoys them.
Otherwise we compromise, as for every meat product there is a substitute that I can have.
I'm not so bothered about his veganism as there are so many healthy vegans about who are definitely not "weedy"!

www.therichest.com/sports/other-sports/top-10-vegetarian-or-vegan-athletes/10/

www.viva.org.uk/vegan-vegetarian-actors

However, I feel that him wanting to be a yogi is something that is a religious lifestyle choice that won't leave room for any compromise. I am presuming that he is a Buddist?

I'm afraid that you're incompatible IMO.

No, he's not Buddhist Janette123. He just wants to be a yoga teacher. I don't really know that much about yoga. I honestly find so much yoga a bit off-putting. I'd feel the same about a female friend who whose life revolved around yoga. I can't see the point when it becomes the purpose for life itself, as opposed to facilitating doing things.

I agree its a lifestyle choice (the yoga), its almost as if he's buying into all the Woo-type stuff that goes along with it, without really thinking about it.

As I've mentioned upthread, I'm vegetarian myself, but being obsessive is a whole different ball game.

I get the feeling he will mould to what I want him to do as long as he is attracted to me and wants to keep me interested.