just wondering how you all cope with not being your DHs top priority. I have been with DH for 11 years now, no kids if that is relevant. He is a GP and does a lot of overtime at the hospital etc too. He is extremely successful in his career and i am proud of him for that.
He has always been the same but i guess i wanted to believe him when he said work was not his main priority. There has always been a reason for the overtime eg saving for the wedding, moving house etc. always said it was just a temporary thing and he was doing it for the money to give us the life we wanted. Taken me a while to realise he is just kidding himself and me - we have loads of money sat in the bank, far more than we need or could sensibly wish to spend.
I know he is scared of being poor, and worrying about money, but on his income at would never happen. He also has his issues from childhood and this is a way that he can keep himself at a bit of an emotional distance, as people hurt you etc. he would not admit this is part of it. He also enjoys his job and gets a lot of personal validation from what he does.
We just seem to have different priorities. To me, work is just there to provide for the lifestyle you want, although obviously it is important to enjoy what you do too. I don't want the same emotional detachment that works so well for him, and i seek validation from bring loved and spending quality time with loved ones (i also have some hang ups from childhood, which means i never felt loved/ a priority by my parents).
I don't mind some time in my own company, i am an introvert so a little time alone suits me. But i do get bored and lonely at times and do resent him continually putting the job/ his own needs before me. He completely denies that it is for him, always says he is doing it for us, so we will have plenty of money. I think he is kidding himself.
And the emotional checking-out of our relationship is what really gets to me. He does love me but when we are together he will often check emails, take phone calls etc regardless of what's going on. And if we are together we just sit infront of the tv: in the evenings and most of every weekend. It is mindnumbingly dull. He cant seem to see the problem, thinks as long as he is with me that its ok.
I love him and know he will not change and perhaps he shouldn't have to. He has always been work focused. But how can i be happy and make the best of things? I don't want to leave him, but sometimes i do regret marrying him. I know i need to forge my own life, and be more independent, and i am trying. I have holidayed alone, have my own hobbies etc. But because I am a shy introvert, i don't really want to be out every night, going to evening classes etc. i am home-orientated: i want to be spending time with my Dh not living apart. But I'm not sure how to strike the balance. Hoping someone has some advice on making the best of my marriage, as i love him so much, and he is a good man.