husband hates me

[Cally34]

Hi
I'm feeling really sad and just wanted to chat to someone.
My husband is being really difficult. I think he's depressed but there's no way he'd admit that. Everything is apparently my fault, lack of a job, him having no career or money, no friends etc.
I have always tried to support him in all his ventures but he accuses me of not helping him.
We three three kids and he agreed to be a stay at home dad while I work full time.
He expects so much of me. To work, care for kids when I get home and on days off, housework and cooking. I never get time to myself. Made to feel guilty.
He constantly puts me down. I've gained a little weight (I'm 10 stone) since baby three and he picks on it constantly saying I'm fat and ugly and he's ashamed to be seen with me.
I feel embarrassed to tell anyone I know about this awful marriage. I don't know what to do anymore.

It sounds to me that he is putting you down to make himself feel better. He wants you to be lower than him but you are the one earning the money.

See a lawyer or 4 until you find one you think can kick arse in a satisfactory way. Get informed.

Start to get copies of everything you need. The lawyers will need your financials. Make plans for where you want to be in a year.

Tell him it's time for him to start looking for a job as clearly his self esteem is on the floor.

Report the violence to the police on the non emergency number. Basically start getting your ducks in a row. It takes ages so there's no particular rush but it will make you feel better.

I'm saying this as there really is no way back from domestic violence. And let's face it neither of you are happy.

The children are small and the longer you wait the more reasons there will be not to do it. Are you prepared to keep this up for another 16 years?

I think she's trying to say the OP should maybe hit back?

I think she's saying, "if you dealt with this way / the way I did / with violence then there wouldn't be any domestic violence in your relationship". I think she's putting responsibility on the OP, and not the actual abuser. I think she's implying that if women "just stood up for themselves" then violence would not be a problem. I think she's saying, "Look how easy it is to sort this all out". I think she's saying, "This is behaviour that is acceptable".

I find it hard to believe or accept that I could be a sufferer of domestic abuse

Anyone who ever thinks like this needs to ask themselves, would I let a stranger do this to me? how about my employer? No?
Then why should you let someone who affects to love you, abuse and hurt you? and why should you let your children see it?

Geeez.

You would get help with childcare costs from the government.

Please don't put up with this twat. He has no respect for you.

He won't change.

It's how much longer you are going to put up with it.

Send him on his way. If possible tell your boss what you are planning.

It is important that you report all instances of violence from now on. Blocking, standing over you, count as dv now, threatening and intimidating behaviour.

At the very least diarise it all, but preferably phone the police if he does those things, as well as the more recognisable violence.

Yes, your children already know things aren't right, I'm afraid. They soak up atmospheres.

Just read this post. All advice it great. Just wanted to send you love - your situation is awful ????

Cally34,
please take some steps to get out of this abusive situation.

Don't worry about coping on your own - you are already coping on your own as he might as well not be there.

You need to get legal advice as soon as you can to see where you stand if you choose to divorce him.

I am sorry you are going through this.

My husband seems to have become a different person! He has become mean and cruel, he puts me down all the time. He has moved out and left me with three children to manage (two have serious medical conditions). He was never like this before but now I am a bit scared of him. We have been married 16 years - I used to have a high-powered job and earned lots. Now I’m a nervous wreck...but I’m not broken. I’ve tried to help him but he seems determined to break me and I am so bewildered that my husband could be so mean. The kids are in bits - not surprisingly. Is this normal and how much do I put up with?

I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to post in a previous thread 😳. I’ve no done this before! X

no it's not normal and you don't put up with it anymore. You need to start a new thread, this one is 3 years old. You will get lots of help!

I don’t know how to start a new thread! Agh.... sorry x

TTT, scroll to the top of the thread where there's a thick blue line that says "Talk>Relationships", click on Relationships, it will take you to a page where you will find 'Start a new thread in this topic'. Click on that and go...

Here's a screenshot.