how do i help her feel beautiful?

[justchillman]

i have have been trying to decide which topic i should post this. as i a seeking the advice of mums and relationships i guessed this is the right place place. sorry if i got it wrong.

anyway, where to begin?

we have been together for 7 years and have 2 children. i love them more than anything. the problem is she has never felt attractive no matter what i say or do, and since the birth of our lastest child this has gotten worse. i can see it in here eyes. just to make this a bit more complicated, i suffer from serveral mental illnesses, one of the being an inability to feel any real emtion towards anything/anyone. i am seeking help for this but it is a long process. ontop of that i also have the problem of not liking being touched. holding hands for a few minutes is ok but much more and i start to get irritated. the only time it isnt a issue was sunggle times (typical man right). another part of the problem is i often retreat to my pc when my issues get really badwhich can mean hours or even days of me doing nothing but sleeping and playing games. i know this isnt right but i am trying my best to change my ways. iit is just taking time.

anyway back to my point. how do i help her to see that she is (to me anyway) the most beautiful and wounderful woman in the world? she is so amazing. she has stood by me throught thick and thin. taken all the rubbish that has been thrown at her in her stride. she is always putting herself down. saying she is fat and not very attractive. to me it just cant understand why she would think that.

sorry if this makes no sense.

Bin your computer, get to grips with the intricacies of the washing machine, iron, cooker, vacuum cleaner, etc, and marvel at the wonders that can be wrought with a duster, polish, mop, bucket, and elbow grease.

If you get stuck into that lot, you can reward yourself with a couple of hours of onscreen activity in front of the tv before bedtime.

But before you toss your computer in the bin, read and memorise the instructions in this link: www.wikihow.com/Snuggle

In that case, I would suggest she joins mumsnet and hangs around for some advice herself.

She may find her position changes when she has a better understanding of her situation.

Theis sort of situation is 10 a penny on here.

Although it is quite interesting hearing it from the man's perspective.

Bin your computer

this was tried for 8 months about 2 years ago. it made his issues alot worse. which put alot more strain on us. we worked together through it. after a long disussion we both knew that as the computer is his main coping tool. he needed to continue using the computer again

oh well, looks like youve got it all sorted out then.
This thread is very weird, and i would certainly say that its worth looking into the aspergers thing again, a second opinion by someone different.

This thread is very weird

in what way?

well its weird because youve shown your partner the thread and now she is answering under your name, as though you needed to prove us wrong in our help.

If youve shown her the thread, I guess youre talking about it, but its generally bad forum etiquette to have your partner answer under your name, or be involved in your own relationship threads.

good luck with your relationship problems

ok. the thread did not go how i expected. i thought i would get some advice on how to hep her. instead it showed that the relationship is not how i see it at all and not the way she sees it either. i dont think it has proven you wrong at all it it just shows that we both need to think more about the relationship and work out where we are going wrong. because of this i felt it best to show her what has been said.

i am sorry i didnt realise it was not proper for her to reply under my name.

Imo anyone living in a committed relationhip who uses a computer as their 'main coping tool' is a tool.

Why has your wife come on and ignored the main question you were asking (how to make her feel "beautiful") but defended you on all the other points to a load of Internet strangers? Seems very odd to me.

Look, I stand by my original point but I will make it more concise; your relationship is going wrong because you have issues that she can't cope with and which you have been unable to resolve.

I don't buy the need for the computer - the computer thing is a maladaptive coping mechanism if it is anything at all. You need proper treatment so you can eliminate the need for using maladaptive coping mechanisms and so you can, as far as is possible, live life as a normal adult. If this is not possible and it continues to have a negative effect on your relationship and your partner then you will need to split up.

Really shocked at some of the IMO quite abusive responses on here. The guy has said that he has some mental health issues, his style of communication might well support that - yet he gets called a "tool" for using a computer as a coping mechanism. Or a diminutive and sarcastic "ah bless..." prefixes another post.

Shocking.

very much agree, that the leering as she gets out of the bath is far from flattering, & never holding hands, but probably wanting full on sex immediately after a hug, is not what she wants either. sadly you don't do just a hand hold, or just a gentle arm around the shoulder;
I would say that you are doing it wrong.