Long time user - name changed for anonymity.
So DP and I have been together for 4 years now. He is a great partner, does loads around the house, respects me, is there for me emotionally and is my best friend.
However, things have been getting a bit stale in the bedroom as of late. We haven't been having sex that regularly because to be honest, it's very vanilla and I'm just not that turned on by a kiss, missionary and quick finish (he seems to be perfectly happy about this).
I have spoken to him about this before and told him that he needs to step up and put more effort into foreplay which, he has to a degree but he's always just ready to go and every time I need to stop him and explain that it's going to take a bit more if I'm to orgasm. I think he just gets over excited because sex now is maybe only once every two weeks.
I tried to sit and speak to him about what we can do to spice things up again. He is very uncomfortable from the start - he really doesn't like to speak about sex but he listened anyway.
I suggested that we use some sex toys which will help me get in the mood more and it will be more exciting for both of us. I still consider sex toys vanilla but I understand that anything more might be out of his comfort zone so baby steps and all that.
He told me that he wouldn't use anything like that on me ever because he feels it would objectify me and he would then loose respect for me! I said but even if I am asking you to use them, it's not objectification at all. I said that we could try if and if he didn't feel comfortable then we wouldn't do it again but it was a resolute no.
I likened it to liking different tv shows - I don't respect him less because he likes footy and he doesn't respect me less because I like garbage reality tv but he wouldn't see it. Said it's a whole other realm and he would never be comfortable with anything like that.
Now I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I do love him and I would never make him do anything he is uncomfortable with but the stance he has taken on it has really annoyed me. I wouldn't mind if he had tried it before and found it wasn't for him - that's fine but to say that he will loose respect for me if he sees me with a vibrator? That boggles the mind.
I still do fancy him and want to work this out but I really don't know. I'm not happy with our sex life for now so I defiantly won't be 5/10 years down the line.
I guess he's just really old fashioned in some ways but then quite progressive in others (women's rights etc.)
Has anyone been through a similar situation? Any advice?