Friend is 'annoyed' with me

[CharlieChaplinsHat]

This might be quite 'outing' as I'm going to give as much information as not to dripfeed etc. This is the same friend that I've spoken about before (she had been upset with me because I didn't reply to her text fast enough after 2 days).

Last month we went on a long planned trip with our children. She offered to drive me and my DD rather than me getting the train (I don't drive) and I offered to pay her half the petrol money as I think this is the thing to do etc. It was quite a long drive so I know the petrol would be expensive. She turned down my offer, even after I insisted and then offered to buy her dinner or something as a thank you instead.

Anyway, a few days later she comes back to me and says, actually do I mind contributing towards the petrol as she could really do with the money. I say, yes of course. She asked for £10.

We meet up for a day trip, seemed to be having a nice time etc. TBH the money had slipped my mind as we wondered round the shops and hadn't been mentioned at all. All of a sudden she turns round to me, clearly quite pissed off and snaps at me 'Do you not want to pay it, CharlieChaplinsHat? I really don't like having to ask'. I was quite taken aback because the tone was quite harsh and the money had not been mentioned up until that point and I had every intention of giving it to her! I said that it had slipped my mind up until then. She didn't seem to want to give me the benefit of the doubt and kept on going on about how I clearly didn't want to give her the money, and did I think she was out of order for asking? She was really pissy and just stomped off in a huff.

That was about 3 weeks ago, and I sent her a few messages asking if she was alright generally etc, didn't get a reply so a few days ago asked after her again and asked if she was upset about the money and that I hope she wasn't. I told her I felt like she thought I was deliberately not wanting to pay her and that hurt my feelings and that I valued her friendship and hoped we wouldn't fall out. She didn't get back to me again so I sent her a message saying well at least can you let me know that you are alright as I was starting to get worried something had happened. She then got back to me saying that she is alright and yes she is annoyed about the money and that she hasn't got back to me yet because she is busy. Apparently she is going to send me an email telling me why she is upset

I just think that this is so petty and childish. If it was the other way round and someone owed me money I would raise the issue along the lines of 'Oh would you mind giving me that money for the petrol' (you know, something polite etc). I can't get my head round her not replying to my messages. I looks like she has been sulking over something very minor and appeared quite happy to throw away our friendship. I just don't know if I can be arsed with this type of thing.

Sorry this is so long and petty. What do others make of this? Is she being unreasonable or am I?

I think, sometimes, you make 'friends' with people simply because you have small children and its a different house to sit in and drink coffee on a rainy afternoon. I have had loadstone friends like this - people who I secretly hated and dreaded picking the phone up to, but it seemed bad manners. As I have got a big older and my kids can choose their own friends, I no longer mix with these needy types. I say give this one a wide birth!

I feel for you OP I really do. I know that there are two sides to every story but this girl sounds bananas and I'd too be pissed of and a little unsettled if I was you

Move on now. Have you got any other close friends? I have put up with a horrendous girl once who, took hard drugs, stole when we went out shopping together (with our toddlers in prams!) always put me down and told me I was too skinny...I put up with all this because I was lonely and had nobody else to socialise with. However when my OH found out what was going on he put a stop to it.

I also think bitter chocolates advice about se ding a compromising email is a good idea. Put a final end to it. It may shock this girl if you show her any kind of maturity and being the bigger person. Don't beak from her away negatively.

Send her the books back, with a note saying that you feel the friendship has run its course and wishing her luck for the future. You seem a little over invested in having the last word - let it go.

Yes use the money that you didn't give her for the postage and why is it rubbish putting money in someone's hand? When someone offers to pay for something it's very easy to say back, no it's ok. I always just pay if money has been spent by the other person, so they've got no choice. I would insist.

Obviously you need to cut her out of your life, but I think you need to send her books back. It isn't right that you keep them. Can you drop them off at her house or somewhere else she could pick them up?

I don't think you should reply to the email. I think you should post the books, well packaged but with no note enclosed. I couldn't be bothered with the drama, personally.

I've posted the books. I think you are right and that it was the correct thing to do. I think I just told her I wouldn't do it because of the red mist. I felt her email was so rude and vile that I just thought, perhaps a bit childishly I admit, oh fuck her and her books! There were a couple I couldn't find so have also sent her an amazon voucher which more than covers the cost of replacing them (they were only second hand charity shop ones she gave me anyway).

I have found the whole situation so ridiculous. Perhaps it would have been better for me not to get so involved in it but when emotions run high and someone is attacking you when you feel like you haven't done anything that wrong it is easier said than done. I just felt like I couldn't let her twist things the way she did.

I feel like I did try my hardest to compensate for her expense - like I said above, I did physically give her more money but she gave me the change. I insisted but she didn't want it! I don't know, I just think it is really silly.

It does sound like she has issues in friendships. Move on and good luck.

I would try to put it behind you now and not think about her any more. focus on developing other friendships.

I am glad you posted the book..I agree with another poster you didn't just defend yourself you then went onto slate her.

I can tell you as a car driver it annoys me when people don't offer to pay fuel when it is a long distance and I do here you offered.I previously had a friend I now don't see as you would get me to do a detour here and there to save her a few pennies.

i think you have reached the point of no return. If someone sends you a shitty email and you reply with a shittty email back don't expect it to de ecsulate anything