Feeling sad and no one I can call.

[Nanodust]

I've been feeling quite sad about how things have become with me and DH for sometime. Things really became strained after kids arrived and we constantly seem to be falling out and making up.

However it's all really begun take a drain on me. I feel very alone, my family aren't supportive and I don't have many close friends. I'm sure on the outside no one knows that, but I am quite optimistic in general so tend not to tell people how I feel.

Anyway he asked me last week if a night was clear for him to meet with friends, checking I'd not made plans etc. I thought was okay and he made plans. Today I realised I'd completely forgotten about a work thing that evening.

He reacted so angrily, swearing etc. I explained I was sorry for the mistake but mistakes happen etc. He now isn't speaking to me, won't discuss anything, sleeping in a different room and just giving me the silent treatment.

I'm sure the kids pick up on this and it makes me so sad. I want to try and get us back, but I'm just so scared he doesn't care about me now or that there is so much resentment and tit for tat that we've blown it. He criticises me a lot, tells me sometimes that I'm a difficult person etc. then denies it later or says he was joking.

He hasn't told me I look nice for months, we haven't been physical for months and I can't even seem to initiate communication now. When I've suggested we've issues he tells me that's not true when I a good mood, at his worst mood told me he was only with me because of the children. I don't know what to believe. He's sometimes so kind and lovely, then other times hurtful. Or am I expecting too much?

I don't know what to do, I feel very scared and sick with worry and sadness.

[kittybiscuits]

Of course he knows it hurts you. His behaviour is appalling. I get the feeling that what you're telling us is just the tip of the iceberg!

[EllieQ]

He sounds awful OP. I would not be offering compliments and cooking him nice meals! I would be recording his stupid passive-aggressive singing on my phone as a record for the inevitable gaslighting of this incident.

If your children have noticed how he behaves, it must be really bad . My father went between being angry and being sulky/ withdrawn, and it was horrible to have to live with as a child.

He sounds controlling - turning off the router, refusing to 'allow' a babysitter, refusing to speak to you. It sounds like it's happening all the time, rather than a one-off incident when you're both very tired (which would be more understandable). Do you really think he will change?

[Hussarsataparty]

What would he say if you asked him in your best neutral voice whether he wanted to stay in the marriage? I know you want to stay married to him, but it sounds like you are doing all of the work, all of the compromises, all of the understanding and reframing. Marriage is bloody hard work, and it takes work from both parties.

The other thought is about his mental health. I wonder if he's depressed, and fighting against it ? That can make folk appear very closed in on everything.