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Original poster

Friends who don't turn up to weddings after RSVP-ing

70 replies

Marmaladybird · 02/06/2015 13:12

We had a small ceremony with only the capacity for a set number of guests. A lot of people we wanted there didn't get invited as people had RSVP'd stating that they would be there so every place was taken.

Fast forward to the day and lo and behold, 12 people didn't show up (5 couples). Three of those couples were invited to(and were enthusiastic about) the ceremony too.

A mixture of old friends, family and workmates with an assortment of excuses from car accidents to no babysitter letting them down.

I am fuming - not only that we couldn't invite friends because of this but because of the cost of those places. They could have said no.

Should I just forget it and chalk it up? Does this happen a lot? I am really upset about it.

OP posts:
JaniceJoplin · 02/06/2015 18:45

Even if there is something big going on in their lives, you suck it up and go anyway. It's basic manners. I love the phrase:
Get up
Show up
And never
Give up

Says it all IMO.

WheelbarrowWoman · 02/06/2015 18:46

We had a small wedding, 40 guests, and had one no-show. No problem, you might think, except it was DH's mother! ConfusedConfusedGrin

lucyjordon · 02/06/2015 18:48

But, the point of a wedding is to get married, and as someone else said, you have achieved that. You aren't less married because some guests couldn't come. I this highlights how much weddings have become about the wedding day, and not everything that cones after it.

Justusemyname · 02/06/2015 18:51

£250 a head?!Shock

thecolourpink · 02/06/2015 18:57

I had a couple of people who didn't even RSVP! I had to assume they weren't coming and they didn't turn up. I think that's rude in itself to not even reply to an invitation!

We did have some no shows to our evening do but as it was a buffet it didn't matter too much. We also had a guest arrive for the ceremony and reception that wasn't invited! I had to arrange quietly for a place to be set up for him!

Try not to let it get to you. I can understand why you're annoyed even though it sounds like genuine reasons. Presumably you had a lovely day so focus on that. Smile

ALaughAMinute · 02/06/2015 18:57

Don't upset yourself by thinking their excuses might not be true. You're never going to know for sure are you? Just let it go and enjoy your married life with your husband.

misssmilla1 · 02/06/2015 18:57

We had 1 adult no-show but his elderly mum was ill so it wasn't too bad.

What did annoy me was the couple I'd invited who didn't end up bringing their kids. This was despite me specifically asking them the week before as we needed to order separate meals (not cheap) and I'd made up party bags etc. They decided at the last minute 'to have a kid free night' All well and understandable, but not when you'd rvsped less than 10 days before! And she was annoyed about no-shows at their wedding

glorious · 02/06/2015 19:07

Our only no-show was the couple my parents insisted we invite. We were paying but after a discussion I just couldn't be bothered to argue. They lived a long way away so would have needed a hotel for the night. They didn't bother to tell anyone they weren't coming until the morning of the wedding when they must have known days beforehand. No reason, just couldn't be bothered.

Very rude!

Original poster
Marmaladybird · 02/06/2015 19:19

Yes, the car crash couple are fine :). There are other worse excuses but don't want to completely out myself, just in case.

It's not dominating my thoughts or anything, just wondering if I was alone in being pissed off and if it seems to be normal. Our venue was only big enough for 80. It was lovely - we had a great time.

£250 per head - oh my word! I would have had them dragged in by winged monkeys.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marmaladybird · 02/06/2015 19:21

Oh and we had a couple my dad invited, said they were coming, then said they were bringing their kids, then said they couldn't come as it was uncles BIG birthday, then said they were coming again, then not bringing kids, then the day before said they weren't coming because they had had a big argument. Hmm

OP posts:
undoubtedly · 02/06/2015 19:27

Another family at mine didn't turn up as they said they got lost on the way.

Quote "we rang your mobile but there was no answer!"

Yes, funnily enough my £3k wedding dress didn't have pockets....

JaniceJoplin · 02/06/2015 19:39

Yes it was expensive as we paid a lot for the venue and the food and booze and then stupidly kept the numbers low. One no-show actually offered in a voice message to pay for their no -show but of course I didn't get back to them and tell them they owed me £500!

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 02/06/2015 19:44

Haha undoubtedly I had that too. They did turn up though, but seriously, they'd had directions in the post, directions on an email and the place was in a small village. Find the village, you'd found the venue pretty much. But they were surprised I didn't answer Confused

Original poster
Marmaladybird · 02/06/2015 19:53

I had to tell DH off before the wedding for expecting everyone to place as much importance on our wedding as we did. He was saying things like 'How could they even think about ...[insert random act of normal life here]...when our wedding is next week'.

I thought it had passed me by and I was being the laid back one.

Our venue was fairly easy to find but my sister was getting a lot of texts and looking annoyed. My phone was turned off for the day Grin

OP posts:
yetanotherchangename · 02/06/2015 20:07

I've never just not turned up, but I have a) left early and b) sent apologies late (i.e. bailed near to the last minute). Both times were childcare related and due to having a young baby. The one I left early I'd been told I could have the baby with me, then we were there it transpired I had to leave her a way away in a creche which didn't work for me.

Second time we had childcare issues for our older children but honestly and frankly I was so exhausted with a baby that didn't sleep longer than 45 minutes at a stretch that I couldn't make the 3 hour journey, dress in nice clothes and make it through the evening. The bride and groom have never spoken to us again which I'm really sad about (the bride was my favourite of all DH's friends). We really wanted to be there, but sometimes you just can't.

msbrightside · 02/06/2015 20:38

I was due to attend a wedding of my boyfriends friends recently, until he uninvited me, on the morning of the wedding, just as I was going to the hairdressers to get ready.. We'd had a row over arrangements on the day and told me not to bother to come. He then spent the day being asked where I was and lying that my child was ill and there was no sitter.. I was fuming at being shut out, and horrified for the couple, like you say the cost per place is high and some people are not invited that could have come rather than me - I don't know the couple, having only met them once. I wanted to contact them but not sure what to say, they are his friends. Suffice to say we are no longer together...

Stitchintime1 · 02/06/2015 20:48

What do you get for £250 a head. Sorry, I know that's not what this thread is about but I'm intrigued.

PeppermintCrayon · 02/06/2015 20:52

OP, some day you will look back on this thread and cringe.

Coincidenceschmoincidence · 02/06/2015 20:58

I don't know why op should cringe, I would probably feel the same tbh. I'd understand but feel sad about the waste of places and budget. If I were committed to going to a wedding I'd do my best to replace an ill babysitter!

I don't think we had any no shows to the day, a couple to the evening but that was no biggie. Even with a massive journey for most people and a national petrol shortage that week (we hadn't factored in that nightmare eventuality when planning!), everyone made it. My lovely grandad queued 3 hours for fuel.

PeppermintCrayon · 02/06/2015 21:05

I just told my DH about this thread and he said for all you know those people had spent money on outfits and hotels. I really think you need to just get over it!

Stitchintime1 · 02/06/2015 21:07

I love it when people produce what their DH said as the last word on the matter. It makes me feel all nostalgic.

Stitchintime1 · 02/06/2015 21:09

I remember I was once a no show at a wedding. I felt I had a good reason at the time, but looking back, I feel bad about it. And come to think of it, she pretty much dumped me after that.

780539gjg · 02/06/2015 21:10

I was meant to go to a wedding a couple of years ago, but had a stomach bug. Obviously I wasn't going to go and throw up everywhere, whilst giving the bug to everyone at the wedding! The couple weren't happy with my reasoning though and haven't spoken to me since.

That said, people not turning up with no excuse or apology is unforgivable.

M00nUnit · 02/06/2015 21:11

OP had twelve people not show up to her wedding. That's an awful lot of people, especially for a relatively small wedding. Absolutely no reason why she should "cringe" about feeling upset.

M00nUnit · 02/06/2015 21:16

I had a few people not turn up to my wedding reception. I texted one of them a few days later to ask why he didn't show and his reply was, "Sorry hun, I completely forgot - I'm so wrapped up in my new relationship! And guess what - I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!! So excited, will have to tell you all about it and the fact that I'm moving next year - TO BRISTOL!!!!"
I was gobsmacked. He didn't care enough about me to come to my wedding reception which he'd confirmed he'd be coming to months earlier but he expected me to get all excited for him because he'd got engaged. I didn't reply and I haven't heard from him since.

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