Tight boyfriend

[pleb123]

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We live apart and have grown up children. He has a bad hip and as a result no interested in me sexually, despite my trying to talk about it and state that I am happy for intimacy with intercourse. He agrees, but has not touched me for months. We always take it in turns to pay when we are out and I always feel awkward as he comments on the price of everything. I have only ever eaten steak when its my turn to pay. I am starting to resent him as he is in my home most nights and this afternoon, due to my boiler playing up decided to light a fire, as I have no paper asked him if he had a £1 to buy one - he refused. I think I must be mad and worth more than this. He is a good man, but feel after he stormed out because of this, that maybe its time to call it a day. We went abroad last year, with family, 9 in total and I was embarrassed by his mean attitude. we have similar incomes, I am a home owner and he rents. Am I being selfish?

Savoycabbage that's chilling. And the sort of seemingly small thing that's actually a representation of the entire relationship - yet the sort of thing that the husband could say "are we really falling out over a battery?"

Horrible.

OP if he has a key, change the locks tomorrow. No joke.

Yep, definitely change the lock if he's got a key - and send him the bill; that should keep him away for a few months

No kindness
No generosity
No reciprocity
No sex

And you are with him why?!

Grim

I would LTB for both the tightness and sexual incompatibility

LTB

Its Monday morning and I have still heard nothing. I drove past his local last night and he was in there with his mates, so felt very angry that he can as usual treat them all to drinks. I have had a restless night but know what I need to do. I deserve better and would rather be alone than feel like this. Like someone said, he has saved a fortune in heating by being here, yet the fuss over a pound. He actually went to my shed, went through my private papers and came out with a handful of past employment contracts etc to use - I was not having it, how dare he!! His logic was if in the shed I didn't need them. It was at this point when I refused to let him burn them and said I would go and get a paper that he threw his dummy out of the pram and buggered off. He obviously is not worried about weas he stood there laughing and joking with his mates at the bar last night, while I was stressing.

'stood there'?? Stood at the bar with his 'bad hip'???!!! He's having you on, honey.

There's nowt wrong with his hip and he can obviously put his hand in his pocket when it suits him; it just doesn't suit him to do so when he's out with you.

As for going out to your shed... I've made a vow to go one whole day without swearing so all I can say is 'the bloomin' nerve of him -who does he think he is, master of all he surveys?'.

A word to the wise: you're best advised to scrub off that M for mug you've got stamped on your forehead otherwise you're likely to land yourself another tightarsed git who takes and never gives.

I'm glad that you say you know what you need to do, and that you deserve better.

Because it's true.

Don't wait for him to dump you, DUMP HIM now.

And please, please, do the Freedom Programme before ever dating again.

This guy is a complete and total loser.

Your grounds for not dumping him seemed to be that he didn't take it well when he was dumped before. You are definitely too kind for your own good! Have you paused to wonder why he was dumped before? (The real reason, I mean.)

Anyway, as you can see, if you were out of his life he wouldn't be devastated, and he has enough to spend on rounds in the pub (unless he is adept at sponging off mates as well) he won't freeze to death when he can't come round to use your central heating. There is no compelling reason to have Mr Tight in your life at all. Result!

Its 8.30 pm and I have still not heard anything. Am I being a coward hoping he has dumped me? It would be so much easier. Am I wrong to think that as he is the one that stormed out, that he should make the first move. I have been feeling sick at breaking the news to him. I had a nice chat with my brother and he agreed that I am right in thinking that a sexless relationship was not normal, and as for the £1 I had the cheek to ask for was a no brainer.....

Please give him my number OP when he comes crawling back.
I mean, what woman doesn't want an embarrassing, impotent, tightarse, flouncing fanny in their life?
Form an orderly queue now ladies.

What does 'OP' mean and yes, I intend to look into the Freedom Programme. I am starting to feel brave because the longer it goes on before I hear from him, the easier it will be for me to tell him that its over... I do worry about our daughters as they have grown up together and are friends, but I cannot live my life for other people and have explained to my daughter (she is 17) that hopefully we can all be civil to each other. Forever the optimist...

Original Poster.
You owe him nothing. The Freedom Programme sounds like a great plan. You deserve so much better.

Can't wait to verbally mince him get my mitts on this prize specimen.

< stands in line behind Katie with pop up tent, primus, and sleeping bag - here you go Kste - have a >

Cheers!
(but I get first dibs)

But of course - and please feel free to keep him for as long as you like < gets cosy in sleeping bag >

So tight one day, you may just end up with no loo roll to wipe your beehind with.
I would say goodbye to this tight-fisted bandycoot & treat myself to a new piece of super duper electronic fullfilment, a full steak dinner & a nice bottle of wine

Better to be alone with all the above surely?

You dont have to tell him its over, just ignore him.

Dont bother giving him the speech, he hasnt shown you any consideration so dont show him any.

Your relationship is over, so why put yourself through the "its not working" when that is already patently obvious? Block him on FB etc, dont answer texts or calls and post back anything of his that you have at yours.

You are all right, I had hoped to do the decent thing and tell him to his face, but if I do not hear today I will know that he has also the same thoughts and I feel I can then end it by a fb message, to draw a line and in the nicest possible way, have my say. I know you are all going to say he doesn't deserve this, but as we know all the same people etc I want to be happy that I have done it right, regardless of his behaviour.

No, no, no, non, non, non!!!

If you go ahead with what you're proposing, he'll regard your message as you having a flounce and before you know it you'll be back to square one because he knows how to push your buttons and take advantage of your innate niceness and desire to do the 'right thing' - which, of course, to him means having you do exactly what he wants.

If you want to do it right block him on FB and your mobile, pack up any items he might have left lying around around, put them in an old box or bin liner and place them by your front door with a bill itemising all of the toilet rolls, soap, hot water etc he's used when he's been at yours, together with a proportional sum for the use of heating/lighting while he's been slobbing on your sofa, and add 20% TAT (tightarsehole tax) to the total.

When he fetches up on your doorstep, which he will do in the not too distant future, say 'Come for these, have you?', hand them over and close the door. This way there can be no misunderstanding on his part - or yours - that it's over, finito, kaput, END OF.

I feel I can then end it by a fb message, to draw a line and in the nicest possible way, have my say

Yea - don't do this. It will just make you look like an idiot. He will probably just print it out and take it to the pub for his mates to laugh over.

Dignified silence. Don't fall into the trap of having your say. If he cared about your say you wouldn't be in this predicament.