Have I gone mental?

[LoveLetters]

Morning sickness starting yesterday 6 weeks pregnant. Spent all this morning puking. Thought of anything dairy is making me heave. Dh thinks it hilarious to keep making references to dairy which is making it worse for me. I've asked him to stop but he just carries on to the point where I'm really getting angry. He then goes upstairs to the toilet. 30 mins later I decide to get lunch ready. Cooking sausages really start to make me feel ill, trying to get my 2 kids to tidy up while I struggle to cook. Dawns on me he has disappeared. Go upstairs and he is just lying on the bed watching TV. Ask him to come downstairs to help. I go back to cooking and 5 mins go by... He hasn't even moved. It took a lot of persuading to get me pregnant again, he wanted a third child so much and I asked him to step up and help me if we did. Promises promises and now his behaviour has told me he isn't going to do anything. I lost it... Told him I don't like him, I'm now trapped with three kids and how I'll never be able to get away from him. He is always miserable and now I'm stuck with a miserable idiot. I feel so angry at myself for getting into this situation. I even slammed the frying pan on the oven. Which gave him another excuse to have a go at me. I feel like a mess

You're entitled to your opinion, Noneed. It's simply one possible option in situations such as this.
Let's stop derailing the OPs thread now.

It's not a great option for someone that wants the baby.

Noneed - keep your aggressive, bullying opinions about what other people should or should not think and feel about abortion to yourself.

Yes, how dare a woman in a desperate situation be reminded that there are options and she doesn't have to continue a pregnancy she was clearly not overly enthusiastic about in the first place...

And as others have said take your 'the baby will suffer' nonsense elsewhere. It really is the lowest of the low when people like you try pounce on vulnerable women and guilt them like this. Are you going to pay her maintenance to support her baby if she has one?

I was extremely hormonal and sick with our dd..I became extremely emotional, sick, tearful eventually diagnosed as AND. My husband like yours was a bit of a manchild, was not brilliantly supportive , and like yours would not always know when he has overstepped the mark. Despite this he is fundamentally a great guy just a bit of an insensitive twat at times. I considered termination and leaving with my dc in the worst moments. My advice is build yourself a RL support network, take your time to consider all options, and if this requires you stay elsewhere for a night or two then do it. I also found my mw v helpful.

I think some of the posters need to remember that you are in a bloody vulnerable place OP, and respectfully keep their own ideologies out of this.

Mental and retarded are words I dislike people using. Probably go to your GP then a psychiatrist

How was I being aggressive and bullying ffs.

Op is vulnerable perhaps and she will make her own decisions about her own life.

Had her husband left her you'd all be telling her how great she would be, how she can do it alone bla bla how ex will have to pay maintenance etc.

My advice to you op would be to slow down a little, don't make any rash decisions. I would talk to your family and friends, people that know both you and your partner in real life.

it's very easy to get swept along with all the ltb chants that go on on the boards.

For the record I'm not against abortion as I have been there myself.

King that was unkind and unnecessary, to a woman who is obviously too upset to choose her words carefully. But then a lot of this thread has gone in a horrible direction.
OP I hope you can find the support you need. You husband is behaving like a royal arse and you do not have to be trapped. What ever direction or choices you make now, make for yourself and your children, try and focus less on him. Try to take a step back and care less what he says or thinks. Try to carve out some mental peace and headspace for yourself. I know it's easy to write and really hard to do. You deserve better, you really do

Wow. Great advice from everybody telling the OP to leave him or have an abortion. I bet none of you would leave your husbands based on this one incident.

I'm all for women having abortions and options etc but you don't go ending a pregnancy or ending a marriage and family unit because of 1 bad day! Jheez.

Op pack a bag and go stay in a hotel or at a friends house for the night. Make it 2 even. Let him do everything so he understands what you have to deal with every single day.

But for the love of God, don't end this baby's life or break up your family before you've even tried all options to work through things!

This is what annoys me about pregnancy though. You don't go and have a baby with somebody before they even prove they've changed.
Instead of breaking up maybe you could actually sit down and talk?

I don't think anyone is suggesting this thread (or the subsequent advice) is based on 'this one incident', Fearless91.

And you're yet another example of someone telling a woman that she has to try absolutely everything to make it work before she's allowed to decide it's enough. She is not the sole person responsible for this relationship working or not.

I hope the OP doesn't find your advice as patronising as I do as well. I'm fairly sure the OP will have considered trying (or even already tried!) talking to her partner at some point.

And again with the 'don't end this baby's life'. Urgh. It's not a baby. And she can decide whether she's in a position to have it develop into a baby or not herself.

But for the love of God, don't end this baby's life or break up your family before you've even tried all options to work through things!

It's not a baby yet it's a blob. One that the OP wasn't sure she wanted. If she doesn't want an abortion she can keep the baby, but if she doesn't want the baby she should not be bullied into keep it either by her husband or random strangers online.

It's clear from the detail given by the OP that this incident is the tip of a very large iceberg. He behaved unacceptably to the point that she didn't want any more children with him. What does that tell you? And yet you apparently think it's the OP's responsibility to spend yet more time and energy trying to 'fix' her husband's behaviour?

Thought of anything dairy is making me heave. Dh thinks it hilarious to keep making references to dairy which is making it worse for me. I've asked him to stop but he just carries on

I didn't know it was legal for a 12 year old to get married in the UK.

If he's older than that, WTF is his problem?

Thinking it's hilarious to make her nausea worse is not "having one bad day".

He acts like an asshole, op states he has previous for this. However she is told it's probably her hormones!

He's tormenting you when your Ill on top of being lazy, what is he like the rest of the time?

He's invalidating you by completely ignoring everything you say and turning it all into a joke. I think this is a particularly offensive form of gaslighting, masquerading as humour, and I take it very, very seriously indeed. I am not at all surprised that your mental state is under severe stress given the inappropriate and belittling reactions you are experiencing from him, along with the complete lack of support.

I stayed with a man for many years who was a bit like this, only he would respond with sarcasm. I was too afraid to leave, but when I did the overwhelming, ringing sense of relief was incredible.

Run! Run like the wind and don't look back!

How are things today OP? Did either of you spend the night away?

If a woman had a one night stand without using protection but had the attitude way beforehand of "if I get pregnant I'll just abort it" eg using abortion as a form of birth control she would be slated. How is this any different? "I'll have another baby with him before seeing any change but if nothing's different I'll just abort it".

Smilas- no I'm not saying that women have to do absolutely everything before deciding. But before deciding ANYTHING she needs to think it through properly to make sure it's right decision.

If you plan on falling pregnant like the OP did surely you can show some maturity and make sure it's the right decision beforehand? Before creating a life? Clearly she never because she tried for this baby before he even proved himself.
I would like to think that as a grown woman with 2 children already, the OP doesn't see this pregnancy as something to just get rid of should things be no different when she knew they wasn't before. If that's her attitude, she should never have purposely got pregnant in the first place.

Twinkle - I'm not saying she needs to fix her husbands behaviour, and I understand it was that bad she didn't want anymore children yet here we are.....despite feeling that way she still purposely got pregnant!!! So to me it's saying things aren't that bad all the time (otherwise why Would you try for a baby?!)

Women have the right to choose when it comes to pregnancy and I think that's fantastic. But I find it hard to have sympathy for a woman who either uses it as birth control or purposely gets pregnant before thinking it through and aborts it when she realises it was the wrong decision.

Perhaps before trying for a baby this couple could've done something crazy and actually communicated properly?

Blaming a woman for getting pregnant is just foul and victim blaming. It is a well known fact abusive men ramp up their behaviour when you are vulnerable - ie pregnant or just given birth. To blame her is just horrid.

OP I hope you are ok. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't come back to the thread.

And btw with a job, working tax credits and maintenance, plus housing and perhaps council tax benefit you most certainly would manage. Go the the entitledto website.

Fearless you're an imbecile, I'm not even going to dignify with your malicious nonsense with a response.

It takes two people to create a new person. One of those people was supposed to step up and act like an adult. Instead, they are actively making the OP have a more difficult pregnancy.

Not rocket science is it?