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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have I gone mental?

69 replies

LoveLetters · 31/05/2015 12:47

Morning sickness starting yesterday 6 weeks pregnant. Spent all this morning puking. Thought of anything dairy is making me heave. Dh thinks it hilarious to keep making references to dairy which is making it worse for me. I've asked him to stop but he just carries on to the point where I'm really getting angry. He then goes upstairs to the toilet. 30 mins later I decide to get lunch ready. Cooking sausages really start to make me feel ill, trying to get my 2 kids to tidy up while I struggle to cook. Dawns on me he has disappeared. Go upstairs and he is just lying on the bed watching TV. Ask him to come downstairs to help. I go back to cooking and 5 mins go by... He hasn't even moved. It took a lot of persuading to get me pregnant again, he wanted a third child so much and I asked him to step up and help me if we did. Promises promises and now his behaviour has told me he isn't going to do anything. I lost it... Told him I don't like him, I'm now trapped with three kids and how I'll never be able to get away from him. He is always miserable and now I'm stuck with a miserable idiot. I feel so angry at myself for getting into this situation. I even slammed the frying pan on the oven. Which gave him another excuse to have a go at me. I feel like a mess

OP posts:
FeckTheMagicDragon · 31/05/2015 14:16

Just give yourself some headspace to think things through.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 31/05/2015 14:19

He's a cock and you fell for some false promises. People don't fundamentally change.

category1 · 31/05/2015 14:24

Take him at his word, go off for the night, do some thinking.

Smorgasboard · 31/05/2015 14:38

There you go then. A night off at his suggestion and he gets to look after the 2 kids you already have while you get thinking time. Sounds like a good start.

BathtimeFunkster · 31/05/2015 14:43

You should definitely go elsewhere, preferably with someone who loves you and wants what's best for you.

Looks like the sexist prick you married lied to you about "stepping up" - babies are your job.

You can hand in your resignation at any time.

Despite what he appears to believe, he is not your boss.

inlectorecumbit · 31/05/2015 14:50

yep go away for the night to a friend or even a hotel. Put your feet up and decide what YOU want to do.
He is a prick-that must is certain. Where you go from here only you can decide Flowers

FlabulousChix · 31/05/2015 14:57

You knew what he was like yet went for the 3rd. You really can't complain he hasn't just changed its who he is. Personally I wouldn't have a third with such an inept and emotionally immature man.

SylvaniansAtEase · 31/05/2015 15:07

Yes, leave.

Seriously, pack a bag and go to friends or family for a couple of nights.

He can deal with children.

He can see how much HE relies on you for a change maybe.

He can wonder how he juggles childcare and work for a day or two.

And you can decide whether you want to proceed with both him and this pregnancy.

He sounds like an utter, utter dick.

And I can guess that no, you haven't gone from 0-100mph and 'Now I will never be able to escape you' just because he's doing some twattish teasing and laziness. Sounds like this is simply the tip of the iceberg.

If so, yes you can leave, yes you will be ok, yes you could do it with three, even though it would be tougher.

DON'T STAY because it will be hard for a few years - that isn't worth it if you despise this man as much as you sound as if you do.

If you want to keep the baby, you could make the decision in your head that you will be leaving when the newborn stage is over. That in itself could give you power and keep you going.

SylvaniansAtEase · 31/05/2015 15:09

Oh and yes - if it helps the thinking process - PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.

What you have here - is what you have. He will not, will not, will not change.

You have all the information you need to make any decision you like. Including proof, it seems, that once he's lied to get you to do what he wants, he reverts pretty sharpish.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 31/05/2015 15:23

He sound fucking horrible. Despicable. What on earth kind of partner is he if he never takes you seriously or supports you and take the piss when you are feeling shit?
Does he have any good qualities?

heylilbunny I am perfectly calm. I just have more respect for myself than someone who thinks his behaviour is ok. So does OP fortunately so perhaps you should say something less patronising?

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 15:47

Is abortion an option?? Wtf!!!!!!

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 15:48

Op, once a woman comes on here she is immediately told leave I would bla bla bullshit bla.

Your hormonal, knackered and pissed off. Can't you just talk to him??

Zame · 31/05/2015 15:52

I think op tries talking to him but is met with a wall of stupid.
She asked him to stop mentioning dairy, he deliberately carried on.
She asked him to come down and help , he ignored her.
He should be making the effort to fix this not her. Why is this her problem to fix?

woowoo22 · 31/05/2015 15:59

What Zame said.

Wideopenspace · 31/05/2015 16:12

None - why are you wtf - ing about the OP being asked if abortion is an option? Surely she has the right to consider every option at the moment?

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 16:19

why should the baby suffer when just weeks ago it was a good idea to get pregnant. To have an abortion would be dreadful IMO.

And much of the advice on almost all the threads to do with partners and husbands is to leave him. Some of the posters are like pack animals, it's crazy.

Op talk to him, tell him he's taking the piss this isn't what you agreed etc. I really hope that he sorts himself out but going off to hotels and leaving him to deal with your children is just so childish!

Wideopenspace · 31/05/2015 16:23

I agree that a knee jerk reaction (leave, abort) would be wrong. However, it doesn't sound to me as though the OP was entirely sure about getting pregnant in the first place.

It's not about 'the baby suffering' - it's about having all options on the table - if her response to 'abortion?' is 'NO FUCKING WAY', then that will tell her something about how she feels I think.

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 16:29

I'm sorry wide open but the fact that she is just six weeks pregnant should tell anyone how she feels.

Six weeks ago this baby was wanted, it would be terrible that the baby suffers just because her partner isn't pulling his weight.

That's just wrong.

A load of women on a forum telling you your husband is this and that and advising you to leave can be dangerous when your vulnerable like op may be now.

Wideopenspace · 31/05/2015 16:31

Being 6 weeks pregnant doesn't mean she is completely sure it's the right thing. As I said, I don't think the OP sounded sure.

But I don't want to hijack - apologies, OP.

heylilbunny · 31/05/2015 16:32

I did not mean to be patronising, I just think on very little information many posters are saying LTB with a stream of abuse toward the husband. If the shoe was on the other foot and the DH was furious at his DW would it be OK for a gang of total strangers to advise him to "leave the bitch"? I have been married 19 years and have 3 kids, sometimes people are idiots to their spouse. If she is truly distraught about her situation rather than having a bad day, than the OP must bear some responsibility for choosing to have another child and not just put it all on her H.

There just seems to be a certain level of hysteria for some bad behaviour that may be temporary. We just don't have enough information.

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 16:34

I'd be keeping the baby and getting rid of the husband.

I'm horrified someone asked op if abortion was an option.

Good luck to you op!

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 16:37

well said heylil.

SlaggyIsland · 31/05/2015 16:37

Noneed I was one of the people that pointed out that abortion was an option. At six weeks gone, it's not a baby yet, and calling it that is emotive.

Wideopenspace · 31/05/2015 16:39

:) i'd agree None re keeping baby and getting rid of husband! Babies are much nicer, and much easier to look after!

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 16:51

Slaggy, are you serious?

Well whatever it is at the moment op and her husband planned it.

I think your post about whether abortion was a possibility was disgusting to be honest. I would be offended if I were op.

Yes wide open, they are much nicer is right Smile