Dh's affair with the bottle.... some perspective please

[LittleLionMansMummy]

He's had a relapse.

To cut a long story short, things came to a head last year due to him drinking vodka on the sly and hiding bottles of it. I don't mean he downs bottles of it every day but he was using it as a crutch, topping up on it in the evening and hiding it which I knew wasn't a good sign. I knew he'd been doing it but finally found the proof and confronted him. After several failed promises to clean up his act it nearly finished off our marriage. We also have a 4yo ds. He decided to go to Drink Sense and there have been massive improvements in the past 6 months - no drinking on the sly, our relationship has improved, his relationship with our ds has improved and we've been very happy.

And then tonight - boom. I realise he's slurring his words a bit and has that old facial expression and memory loss back again. I confronted him, he initially denied it, promised he hadn't had vodka etc etc - same old story. I said I'd ask him one more time for the truth and he told me, said how sorry he is, how he's let everyone down again and again has no idea what triggered it. After a lot of tears from me I asked him to give me some space. He's sitting in the garden now. I also heard him on the phone to his Drink Sense counsellor asking for an appointment as he's had a relapse.

I don't really know what I'm asking. I love him to bits and have seen how much effort he's made over the past 6 months. He's a fantastic Dad and I don't want to break my family up. But where do we go from here? I was just beginning to get my trust back and it's been completely shattered. He sat on the floor 6 months ago and begged and begged me not to leave him. How can his memory be so short? If I stay, is this what i have to look forward to every few months or can he regain control and do we stand a chance of sustained happiness? Any experience or thoughts/ wisdom greatly received.

Anyway OP, speaking as daughter of an alcoholic and wife of an alcoholic, I recommend you try Al-Anon and would also recommend AA to your husband. Good luck. You'll need it.

The recovering alcoholics I spoke to during my husband's illness credited AA. They all said it would have been too hard on their own. Of course I haven't done a scientific study of any kind, but if it works for some, why knock it? I appreciate there are other ways and that none of them will work unless the alcoholic is determined, but support from people can make a difference and AA meetings provide that for many. Lion, I hope your husband gets and stays sober. I'll be thinking of you. Don't let yourself be dragged down. You need to stay strong for your children's sakes. Make your decisions based on what is best for them.

My father was an alcoholic. I say was because he died some years ago. It wasn't the alcohol that finished him off so much as it was him refusing to get treatment for another condition do that he could go on drinking. Nothing stopped him, my mum left him. As a teenager I threatened to abandon him but couldn't go through with it due to seeing his sobs and his begging. Once his mum died he had no one that he had to try and hide it from so it got worse after that.

The only thing I can say is he will only stop if he wants to and only you can decide what is "enough" for you to draw that line in the sand. You will worry that your actions will make his drinking worse but it's not you, or your actions. It's his choice to drink and suffer consequences (health, money and the almost inevitable loss of driving licence when he thinks he is fine to drive one morning)

My only plea would be that please god think before you allow him to do the drop offs etc. I am amazed at the fact I was never in an accident with my dad at the wheel.