Have you ever gone on strike at home? I intend to and need tips to keep me on track

[voluptuagoodshag]

That's about it really. I don't mind being a SAHP, I even enjoy aspects of it but keeping all the plates spinning without so much as a please or thank you (and yes I do point this out) is taking it's toll. I can almost expect it from the kids but everyone including DH makes me feel like a total dogsbody. I speak out about it, I'm assertive and it all goes pear shaped. So I'm on strike. No dinner in this house tonight. No housework. If anyone is anything less than pleasant to me I'm going to take myself into another room without saying a word. Don't know how long I can keep this up for but I need to make a stand. Has anyone ever done this and how did it go?

seriously, you need to do a Shirley Valentine.

or get a job.

Something has to change, maybe even LTB no seriously

The kids are just following their dad's footsteps in their lack of respect.

If you get a job, you can share the chores with kids and H, or partly outsource them to a third party (cleaner, launderettes).

How can you live with someone who doesn't respect you? Do you respect yourself enough do you think?

A strike probably means they get take away, laundry and dishes pile up, and in a few days you won't be able to bear it and do it all anyway (bitter experience)

My DH gets rewarded with a wage and has an annual appraisal and opportunity for promotion. He gets the chance to socialise with others and day to day contact with others, gets sick pay and paid holidays. There are christmas parties and department parties. He gets to tell people what you do for a living and are respected for it and sympathy for the long and unpredictable hours.

If my own family didn't value and appreciate my unpaid work then nobody else would and that would piss me off no end.

OP I know how you feel.

Mix 56, surely the Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse ?

as for going on strike, that's just playing games. I particularly think its wrong to expect appreciation from the children, it was your choice to be a parent, and it's natural they expect you to cook for them.

I wondered whether to say something about that too Northern. I grew up with a mum like that and it was abusive.

It sounds like your H just isn't a very nice person. I'm not sure how striking can fix that.

OP....been married 40yrs next week. Long time ago I went on strike by not buying loo roll. Lasted for about 2 wks. DH was initially bit antsy. Deliberately left item out of weekly shop. Me "oh that's what I forgot". As time went on and his attitude became more meh, I feigned forgetfullness. It became a stand-off. Chaos ensued. He got my point in the end. Still to this day thanks me for every main meal I cook him. I've never been in a false sense of security tho.

Once upon a time I decided we needed a dishwasher. DH didn't agree; after all he helped wash up the plates and cutlery after tea. Silly woman, dishes were not such a big chore. So I started saving up ALL the day's dirty dishes, breakfast, lunch, every cup and glass, everything utensil, pot and pan from every meal, washed not one single thing throughout the day and saved them all for him to help with.

Now we have a dishwasher.

'What if he also decides to go on strike by not handing over his wages that pay for everything?'

His wages? Well, let's see, if he did that she could file for divorce and lawyers and a court could decide how much he needed to pay to support his family, not 'hand over his wages^.

Agree with cailin. The way you describe the lunch incident, it doesn't sound related to whether he appreciates you or not. It wouldn't be any better or worse if you worked full time and he was the SAHP, you know?

I think it's partly that you feel your job is to do the housework and keep a nice house. So DH feels that too as does DCs, no doubt copying him. So why should they contribute?
Hence you don't get appreciated.

You need to get a life. DCs are old enough that you could do lots of stuff outside the home. Whatever you want, job, gym, voluntary work, then there is a reason for them to do their share as DM is busy.

I was a SAHM for years. I think this was part of the prob, though imagine it will take a while for attitudes to change.

Good grief!

Going on strike. The silent treatment. It sounds like the school playground. And you wonder why you have an unappreciative man-child.

Just have a conversation with him and the children. Sit down as a family and explain that you feel unappreciated and would like a bit more thanks and respect from all of them. And then start with the children because I can almost expect it from the kids suggests that you don't see teaching your children to be grateful as a particularly high priority. You're the parent at home so you get to have the most influence over their manners and behaviour.

I've just come out of strike today actually

There's three adults and 2 kids ( I inherited a 19 year old lodger when I met dp who's like a grown up son)

Dp works full time and lodger part time and I don't work. I clean wash iron do activities with the kids all day every day.

My final straw was dp making a big deal over lodger doing the dishes. ( I never got a bloody thanks!)
After a week of no one doing anything I can safely say they now understand just how much I do! There was no work shirts cleaned no toilet roll left etc

If your doing it, do it to full affect, literally put your feet up for a week - you will feel better for it, promise!

I've repeatedly had this conversation with DH. I'm not a shirker and I can actually keep on top of things but it's the sheer lack of basic pleasantness

How is it abusive to finally be at the end of your tether and go on strike.

I'd not do it silently though. I'd say tgat I was not going to accept being spoken to like that and not accept being treated as they had been and explain that I was giving up on them until they learnt to treat me in the way I expected to be treated.

I've also withdrawn certain aspects of my effort due to general twattiness and it's worked but only because as I've taken inaction ive been clear why and what I expect.

I haven't made dinner for Dh for over 3 years due to his ungratefulness.

I also haven't done any of his laundry for months since he moved his laundry bin into my walk in wardrobe and refuses to move it.

A friend of mine did the following. She works full time, by the way, not a sahm, but found herself doing everything. So...

Didn't do much for a week, just the bare minimum. Then, come Friday night, she made the oh and kids do everything. Announced all weekend activities were cancelled. No pub night for Dh. Marched them round the house pleasantly explaining what needed doing. Then hovered over them all weekend politely issuing orders.
Walk the dog. Get your little sister's breakfast ready. Wash up, tidy up, tidy the house, vacuum, do the laundry, put it away, oh by the way we have to go shopping for food, go, plan meals for the next week on a budget, shop, carry home, put away, cook tea, clean up, mow the lawn, get everything ready for school, oh there's no time to do your football practice? Tough, etc etc. she drove them mercilessly all weekend.

Apparently her husband and kids were just gobsmacked at how much work goes into running a house with three kids. There were strops and tears. And... Significant improvement, and when it starts to slip she just threatens to do it again. Kids now get paid a small token amount and have a chore list. Her husband is still a lazy sack of uselessness in my opinion but the kids are shaping up nicely to be useful and housetrained.

Northernparent. That really made me sit up straight.
I live an EA sub life, so it was hard to read.
However, I do not see these 'quiet temporary rebellions' mentioned, as agressive. or passive aggressive, & God forgive, abusive.
I simply stop playing the/their game.
I have been full on Mum & SAHM, my DH is an appalling example, I have obviously tied to explain, encourage, plead my case, he does not deviate from his, God's own path of entitlement
It is not a question of trotting off to get a job. (I have my own business) it is off subject & not part of discussion. It remains, that the mentality is that "woman work is in the home".
So, may I ask you to wake up & listen, rather than judge.

However, I do not see these 'quiet temporary rebellions' mentioned, as agressive. or passive aggressive, & God forgive, abusive.

I was a child with a mum who behaved as you describe. Perhaps she did it for the reasons you describe. I found it threatening, it kept all of us on egg shells and generally made home a very confusing and miserable place to be. I left home at 16.

Vivacia, you are absolutely right. I remember my dm saying she was on strike as me and my dsis were ungrateful, spoilt etc. I remember sobbing my heart out as my dsis tried to wash my very tangly curly hair, and couldn't do it, I kept getting soap in my eyes. Looking back I really don't know howcshe had thw heart to do it to us.

I was completely confused, and had to apologise to my mum for being such an awful child. It has stuck with me and am still in the cycle of trying to please her, but knowing I never can.

Call a family meeting, talk to them. If that doesn't work maybe write a list of jobs. Maybe even just don't do one thing e.g. washing up, but please don't go on strike.

Re DCs I have found one chore at a time the way to go. DCs are a similar age so I just announce, right you're capable of doing x now and teach them how to do it and then either I don't do it any more (eg putting their clothes away) or we set up a rota for all family members ( mopping the kitchen floor). I approach it as teaching them to be independent.
Don't have time to post on your DH issue.

I'm sorry that your Mums made you unhappy, it sounds as though they weren't either.
My kids don't walk on egg shells, & we love each other, so I am confident that I am not "damaging" them, however yes, they can be ungrateful & spoilt.
I think letting them know that you cannot expect a service with no acknowledgment is a lesson that needs learning for life.
I do not go on strike. its more a "low battery" scenario, which is actually a perfect analogy
btw my children can wash their own hair, they are adults

Perhaps you're right Mix but I think my mum would also have said she was confident that she wasn't damaging us.

But I do go silent, & they all know that its the calm before the storm.

This, for me, was the bit I found chilling about your post. Walking on egg shells.

I can see what you are saying.
At what point do you shout, or weep or take Anti depressants & spend the day in bed ?
Some people make threats they either do, or don't keep,
some people throw the nearest object, or wallop a child. or send them to their room with no dinner.
I know a couple who had a fight, the wife walked out the back door, not knowing her husband had walked out the front door also in anger. they had 3 small kids. The oldest was fortunately old enough to phone Grandpa. & he went over until one came home.
There doesn't seem to be a handbook that has a miracle answer.

At what point do you shout, or weep or take Anti depressants & spend the day in bed?

There are alternatives. But because of my upbringing I didn't know they existed until I left home.

Interesting posts offering different points of view.

LittleMonsters, I think you missed my point. I didn't at any time say I couldn't cope or keep on top of stuff. I even specifically said I didn't mind doing the stuff and even enjoyed it. My gripe was the lack of basic common courtesy. Something no doubt expected in a place of work. Please and thank you go a long way.

And reading other posts, I realise that my kids are aware I'm not a skivvy. I make them do their standard chores every day. I do plenty for them too but again a please and a thank you works wonders.

I don't take my DH working for granted. We are a team, raising our kids. It works better for us if he goes out to work because of the nature of his job and I sah however I do expect him to appreciate this arrangement as much as I do. He knows at any time I can go back out to work and then he has to do more but, as some on here have suggested, it would probably end up me still doing most of the home stuff on top of my own paid work so why would I do that to myself.

In the end I didn't have to do anything. Something, somewhere must have clicked as the kids came home cheery and said they would make dinner. DH and I had a conversation and I explained I was pissed off with lack of basic courtesy. No falling out, no strops. He's working away a couple of days and today I was volunteering at school and came home to find a huge bunch of flowers and a nice message.