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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I mad? MUCH younger man!

74 replies

Taytocrisps101 · 26/05/2015 21:48

Ok, so talk some sense into me! Met a guy at a sporting event at the weekend, talked for about 45 mins and got on really well. Went separate ways and he texted me 3 times over Sunday / Monday ...I didn't reply til Monday evening and we have been texting all day today. He is well keen to meet up and seems like a really nice guy....trouble is, he is 20 years younger than me!! Think early 40s vs early 20s! I am not that naive to think he is looking for a girlfriend and realistic about what the outcome would be.....I am 2 years out of a 14 year marriage and half of me is thinking it might be fun...the other half is thinking I am old enough to be his mother! What to do?!?

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 27/05/2015 16:02

I am 50 and have an 'admirer' 20 years younger than me. Haven't shagged him yet but would not rule it out. We have several interests in common and there is a fair old spark there - and I quite like being the Fascinating Experienced Older Woman... (both to the admirer and to some of the other Young People in this particular social group...)
I think you should see what happens, OP. There are no guarantees with sex/ dating/relationships, no matter what - and, more importantly, no obligation to go for more than one date, or more than one shag, or to enter into anything exclusive/serious on either side.

LurcioAgain · 27/05/2015 16:22

I would like a shot, OP. Have fun on your coffee date tomorrow!

Jan45 · 27/05/2015 16:30

Definitely an individual's preference here, not for me I must say, I'd just think he is clearly just after a shag and I aint up for that, there are other ways of having fun other than having sex.

Plus, my daughter is older than him, I'd feel perverted.

I do agree though it's a personal preference thing, do it if you want, simple as that.

FatSwan · 27/05/2015 17:00

Just go for coffee. That's easy enough. At the very least you can be friends.

Offred · 27/05/2015 19:00

Just read that and realised I'd like to 'go for coffee' with a guy in his early twenties even less than I'd like to shag them...

I'd have less of an issue with 30/50 than 20/40 just because of the life stages. Early twenties really is so, so young and totally different to 30/40/50...

ChilliAndMint · 27/05/2015 19:32

It all hinges on his expectations in life...does he really want children of his own?
If not I'd say go for it...you only live once.
.

ItsACracker · 27/05/2015 22:40

Do it! What can possibly go wrong? ;-)

SolidGoldBrass · 27/05/2015 23:48

Offred: I find that an incredibly mundane and depressing way of looking at the world - that people outside one's own agegroup have nothing to offer in terms of forming a friendship or a sexual relationship, or being entertaining company for a few hours.
While I wouldn't advocate a longterm monogamous relationship between people where the age gap is more than 10 years and the younger one is under 25, a short term fling with someone a lot older/younger can be great fun and educational in both directions. A friendship (with or without sexual elements) between people of different generations can be hugely rewarding for both of them. Don't forget, after all, that not everyone has faaaaamly to connect them to the past/future.

velouria · 27/05/2015 23:53

Go for it IMO, my ex was 18 years older than me and we got together when I was 21. We actually got on like a house on fire, still do, if he hadn't been a bit of an ea git, we would still be together. We like a lot of the same things, can converse, I really don't think the age difference made that much of a difference in the relationship, I did have a moment when I realised he would be 68, when I was 40 mind .

velouria · 27/05/2015 23:54

Or 58, maths fail xD

Ledkr · 27/05/2015 23:57

I also started having fun with dh who is 12 years younger.
Ten years later and two dds and we are still amazing.

CactusAnnie · 28/05/2015 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

something2say · 28/05/2015 00:05

I've got a partner my own age, but there's a young man I like looking at at the gym. My word indeed! And such a lovely face too, and seems like a nice person from Facebook. Close family, fun friends, I haven't cringed at any of his comments. One day I swanned into the gym in heels and a dress and he did a massive double take. Has been different towards me ever since. One day the girls on reception said someone wanted to know if I was single and I've always wondered if it was him!!!! Anyway he is about 15 years younger than me I expect and if I were single and he did ask me out I think I'd have to say no. Thing is I would expect any dalliance to end at some point and that's not really what I'd be after I don't think. I find re casual sex that my habits have changed as I've got older, although can still connect with the idea of a hot snog on a hot dance floor somewhere.

Let us know what you decide op. And nice to know you've still got it eh xx

MyRightFoot · 28/05/2015 00:15

something2say, seems you've still got it babe!

textfan · 28/05/2015 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eekaman · 28/05/2015 01:14

I think it depends upon what you are looking for at the moment, if it's a life partner, Volvo estate, rose covered cottage, 'til death do us part, then maybe not as the age gap could easily become an issue.

If it's for an interlude, a bit of fun, a something to keep you occupied, something to add some spice, some FUN, then sure, go for it. Enjoy.

Knowing what you want is the first step to having something.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 28/05/2015 02:05

Definitely do it. I am friends with a guy that age, he has made it very clear he is interested in me sexually.

Due to the existence of DH I'm not going there, obviously, but otherwise..

Have fun

Original poster

Taytocrisps101 · 30/05/2015 16:11

Hi all...just thought I would give you an update! After a few days of flirty texting back and forth we talked about meeting up..he works weekends though and I work all week so we couldn't find a date..sigh! Not sure if when push came to shove (if you'll pardon the expression!) we would actually go through with it so we have left it there...probably for the best! Now on match.com....chatting to some nice guys who are more "age appropriate"... Fingers crossed! Thanks for all the comments and encouragement...mumsnet is a great sounding board x

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 30/05/2015 23:07

Got my fingers crossed for you - and if nothing else it must be a fantastic ego boost to know that you can still pull a young 'un

Denton2406 · 30/05/2015 23:35

I say go for it, each to their own and if it suits you to meet up with a younger guy why not. I am 49 and had a thing with a 31 year old, plus a 25 year old guy at work comes onto me all the time, but he is a bit young! Very much depends on the person, if you have chemistry and a connection why not?!

Gilrack · 30/05/2015 23:38

XH2 was 12 years younger than me. The age difference had nothing to do with our breakup - the only thing either of us noticed about it was that we'd watched different TV programmes as children; hardly a dealbreaker.

Have fun, and stay safe :)

Gilrack · 30/05/2015 23:42

Oops, I was so keen to encourage you I missed your update! Sorry.

The 'half+7' rule is an old one, and not a bad yardstick imo. Depends on your age now, of course - if I were to date anyone older than me by that formula, he could be 106

Faithless · 31/05/2015 00:01

No way for a LTR
Absolutely for a one or two nighter, with no strings attached!

MadeMan · 31/05/2015 06:57

Go for it! Seems fairly common that a man dies in his 70's only for the wife to go on living well into her 80's and 90's, thus spending a good few years at the end alone. Get with a man younger and there's a good chance you'll die at the same time.

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