Can I get some perspective, please? Not sure if IABU.

[UterusUterusGhali]

I've been "seeing" a guy on and off for two years. FB type arrangement, although it was a bit more than that; he's met my children etc.

He was never into a "relationship", for various reasons. What it came down to, I think, was that he was/is still in love with his ex. They split up three years ago.
They live together. They do stuff together. He's even blown me out and taken her on the same damn date we planned as she was feeling bad.

So far, so red flaggy I guess.

A few months ago we made it "official". I'm sure this was in no small part down to the ex finding love. (I absolutely don't think they're fucking; he has her for wifey stuff and me for that.)
I thought things might change. But apparently not.

He's been looking for somewhere to live. He took her to view a place, even though I was working in the area and could have met him etc. this has really bothered me. Aibu?

I don't want to live in his pocket, but I've a rare night without children tonight, and I'm on my own.
He's at home with her. (Albeit in separate rooms.)

I'm just so lonely! I thought that would change. :(

He is still in a relationship with her, albeit in his head.

You are back burner woman. Sorry.

Two. Years.

Ditch him.

Find someone who actually wants to be with you.

"Two. Years."

-This-

Why?

That's what I keep telling him, Finola. He just cannot see it.

Two years? Why? I guess coz part-time kinda suited me. And I find it hard to meet people. And I have no self esteem. And I didn't want to be on the shelf.

And above all I've never met anyone like him, who I've clicked with so well.
But he obviously doesn't feel the same about me. :(

How do you define "clicked"? How can you stand to be his second choice?

him treating you like this is hardly doing wonders for your already low self esteem is it?

A few months ago we made it "official".

You made what official? That you are FBs?

Bin him. He's still in love with his wife. He's using you.
You might well find that your self esteem will lurch upwards when you dump him, you'll be taking control and getting rid of someone who is making you feel second best.

You're his back up. If his wife ever actually cuts him out of her life, he'll come to you. Otherwise, you'll just get the scraps.

If that suits you, there's nothing wrong with that, I suppose. I mean, it's poor behaviour on his part, but from your point of view, it's okay if it meets your needs. If it's not, though, walk away. This won't help your self esteem.

Wow, he's living with her but they 'split up' two years ago?

Really?

And he took her to see a place he wants to buy, not you?

I don't know where to begin. I'm sorry.

By official, I guess I mean I was allowed to call him my boyfriend

I text him to tell him how I feel earlier. He hasn't replied, come over, text.
Speaks volumes. :(

I mean, they haven't split up. They are still seeing each other, living together and doing stuff together.

What makes you think they have separated? Does she even know about you?

Three years ago, psi. :/

I hate to ask, but are you sure they actually split up? Have you met any of his family or friends?

She does know about me. I've stayed over with her there. I don't feel comfortable staying when she's in after she screamed at him once for making a mess when I was there.

They are just not having sex IMO.

He just text me to say "I'm sorry you feel this way".
He just doesn't get it.

Fuck this shit.

Not his friends. One family member. I did wonder but yes, they're split up.

You need to work on your self esteem if this arrangement is what you happily accept and go along with for two years.

Sorry. Three years then. You poor thing.

I have been there, just so you know. I think if she does cut him out, he won't come to you. That is he will still come to you for sex etc. But he will replace her with someone else for the wife role.

That is what happened for me anyway. This was a long time ago and I was very, very stupid. (saying that about myself, not calling you stupid)

I really thought he loved me and in a way he probably did, but not love love. Not nearly as much as I loved him.

It really hurts doesn't it.

Does he have children with her? If not then I can't see any reason why he needs to be with her or anywhere near her. Sounds like he has a wife to do wifey things but she doesn't give him sex which is why he needs you.

Really does, psi. :(

I'm more cross with myself. Just feel a bit sorry for him being so pathetic.

And heartbroken.
My kids will miss him loads. :(

I feel awfully sorry for both of you. Both of you needing and wanting him, he's treating you both like slaves - he's an utter c*nt, you do know that?

Think of it this way: if you were in a relationship with this man and he moved in with a female roommate and started acting like this, would it be acceptable? No. It is an intolerable situation, and I agree that it is best for you to end it.

Even if he doesn't see anything wrong with this arrangement - you are doing a blooming good thing here, if you end it. This is the way forward.

Leaving this man is the only right thing to do, for you, your kids, for everyone concerned.

Have faith in that pet.

I'm sorry you feel this way = I don't give a shit that you feel this way.

I'm sorry you wasted 2 years of your life on this pillock, OP.

Still, better 2 than 3, or 4, or 5.