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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being a counsellor is easy money isn't it?

115 replies

Happyfriday · 23/05/2015 22:22

What do they actually do for their £40-50 an hour?

I have had three short blocks of counselling in recent years. The first one looked shocked, the second one agreed with everything I said and the third one wanted to laugh everything off and then apologised for it.

How do you know what you need? I'm not sure if I should be looking for a certain type of counselling or give it more time.

When people say they are in therapy what do they mean?

OP posts:
Theresadogonyourballs · 23/05/2015 22:50

I have to agree with you to a certain extent - my SIL is a counsellor, she has a private practice and absolutely rakes it in. She is also the most self-obsessed person I've ever met, with the least empathy; I'm amazed any of her clients get a word in edgeways.
My DH was referred for counselling a few years ago by his GP, he was on anti-depressants but wanted to try talking therapy too as he felt so low. He ended up only going twice, (he was entitled to six sessions). The counsellor he saw told him, "I don't believe you're depressed", "Lots of people are worse off than you", "You should just think about how lucky you are", and various other gems.
On the other hand my sister had CBT and it absolutely changed her life - she was like a different person afterwards.
So....yeah,

twirlypoo · 23/05/2015 22:51

My therapist changed my life. Probably in fact saved it. If that's not worth £40-£50 an hour I don't know what Is!

I've had shit ones too mind, including one who came on to me and another that told me the man who raped me must of had a horrid life and she felt sorry for him Confused

I couldn't listen to people's trauma and horror stories and take that home in my head though, the money they earn seems a pittance when you consider that.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 22:52

Thing is OP, it's absolutely valid to say you've had poor experiences of counselling but I'm a bit baffled as to how you have done two courses and still don't understand anything about the difference between counselling and other kinds of relationships.

Can I suggest you read The Making of a Therapist by Louis Cozolino, which is a really good overview of what counselling is for and how it works.

winkywinkola · 23/05/2015 22:54

Every counsellor I've had until my current one, simply repeated what i had said back to me to confirm that's what I said.

I was amazed.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 22:55

Sorry, hadn't seen your last reply before i posted my previous post. It sounds like the courses you did weren't great as they didn't give you an overview of theory and skills and how you use these in practice. A good course will integrate all of these.

The sad fact is that there are an awful lot of shit counsellors out there. The first one I saw put me off for the best part of a decade. But when I found a good one it was life changing.

Original poster
Happyfriday · 23/05/2015 22:57

I do understand the basics but I couldnt see what the counsellors were doing apart from listening. Sorry if that offends anyone.

If someone gave me £40 for 50 minutes work, I would want them to go away satisfied with what I had done.

I have questioned whether I need counselling or maybe some people just don't respond to it.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 23/05/2015 23:03

I think a lot of counsellors do need to undergo more training so they can spot domestic abuse.

Ive seen many threads on here where couples have gone for counselling and the counsellor has been conned by a manipulative fuckwit into subliminally persuading the wife to put up and shut up.

Joysmum · 23/05/2015 23:04

If I thought that, I wouldn't have started counselling myself.

I know a couple of people who have had counselling and it's made a big difference to them so I'm trying to ignore your negativity in the hope I can be helped too because things can't continue as they have Sad

PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 23:04

I'm really sorry they didn't teach you that - unfortunately some courses are better than others.

I'm willing to bet you just haven't found the right person for you.

Not offended, it's a good question. What are they doing apart from listening? Well, firstly they are listening properly. Most people don't. They plan their next interjection in their heads or wander off mentally. Mosh conversations are alternating monologues.

Counsellors pay attention to what you are saying, how you are saying it (eg if you're discussing something traumatic as if you're talking about the weather), what you're not saying, the feelings and energy in the room that they are picking up from you...

A good counsellor will make you feel that you have made what Carl Rogers called psychological contact. It isn't just about listening and repeating back, if you're any good at it:

PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 23:07

"If someone gave me £40 for 50 minutes work, I would want them to go away satisfied with what I had done."

Not that simple though. Counselling clients should be free to feel satisfied or unsatisfied. If you needed this kind of validation from clients you'd need to take it to supervision.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 23:08

Mosh = most

sunbathe · 23/05/2015 23:11

winky - isn't that a particular style of counselling, though - where the counsellor is repeating/rephrasing what you say, to help you untangle your thoughts on a subject?

Original poster
Happyfriday · 23/05/2015 23:19

Well my expectations were too high then peppermint.

OP posts:
HeadDoctor · 23/05/2015 23:27

I think the problem is the variation in training really. I've heard of some courses with shockingly low requirements for supervision and personal therapy for the trainee. There's no excuse for that IMO. So many courses don't cover subjects such as trauma (inc vicarious trauma) and shame and so the counsellor can unknowingly cause more harm.
I'm a trainee psychotherapist. I don't feel offended by this post at all. The OP has clearly had bad experiences. I don't identify with the generalisation. I know that what I do is more than "just listening".

CtrlAltDelicious · 23/05/2015 23:28

I did do two courses and started a third but it got very theoretical and there was a lot of work to be done in your own time. I appreciate there is a lot of training.
In other words, you had to read widely and consider multiple approaches to counselling. Which you couldn't be arsed to do as, let's be honest, how many different ways are there to listen? Hmm

My counselling experience helped me no end. The woman was wonderful. She didn't get it all perfect but seeing things from an intelligent, empathetic person's point of view helped me clear my own mind massively.

Original poster
Happyfriday · 23/05/2015 23:30

What's the difference between a counsellor and a psychotherapist headDoctor and how do you know which you need?

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyfriday · 23/05/2015 23:30

Or which would benefit you most?

OP posts:
PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 23:31

"Well my expectations were too high then peppermint."

Sorry, I was being a bit facetious. It's fine for a client to want to feel they got value for money but you said that's what you would want if you were a counsellor. And it's kind of not that simple.

HeadDoctor I still find it shocking that personal therapy isn't mandatory as part of a BACP-accredited course though in practice most require it.

MsJJ79 · 23/05/2015 23:33

I trained for 3.5 years to get my masters in counselling and psychotherapy. I currently work in the NHS. I see 8 clients a day with almost no breaks. They can be bringing issues ranging from 'life stress' stuff such as relationship breakdowns, bereavement, work related stress etc to enduring and severe mental health problems such as personality disorders, depression, PTSD etc. I have to contain a huge amount of trauma and distress and get inadequate supervision. I earn about £24k. I can't comment on those in private practice, but I bloody well earn my salary thank you very much!

MsJJ79 · 23/05/2015 23:35

The main consensus is that there isn't a great deal of difference between counselling and psychotherapy. It's more to do with the setting in which someone works than what they're actually doing. For example, the NHS is more likely to have psychotherapists while in private practice most people refer to themselves as counsellors.

Original poster
Happyfriday · 23/05/2015 23:35

CtrlAlt As a client, I don't think it was value for money.

OP posts:
MsJJ79 · 23/05/2015 23:40

Personal therapy is mandatory for BACP accredited courses

CtrlAltDelicious · 23/05/2015 23:42

You didn't think the courses were worth the money? Well that's not for you to decide - they're put together by experienced, learned people who know what they're doing their field!
Or did you mean the sessions? Well, fair enough, but why not accept you haven;t found the right counsellor for you rather than dismissing the whole profession?
Could it conceivably be that the problem lies with you, rather than the counsellor?

Original poster
Happyfriday · 23/05/2015 23:44

Thanks for that link Ms

Interesting that one of the sub-headings is 'How to get your expectations met'

OP posts:
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