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Original poster

Does anyone else find socialising exhausting?

79 replies

FrameItWhite · 23/05/2015 20:14

Or am I an oddball?

I would say I'm a popular person and have lots of friends but I just cannot socialise too often and when I do I just feel exhausted.

OP posts:

woodhill · 24/05/2015 10:45

I will always go to functions but then get that can't be bothered feeling but enjoy once there and try to return invitations but not fussed atm.

when dc were small I was more keen to socialise as I was stuck at home most of the time

damnstatistics · 24/05/2015 11:40

Being more aware of this as I get older - and more comfortable with it. I used to think I was a social outcast. Now I know I am not. But I so much prefer being able to put a time limit on social gatherings, after about 2 hours I am getting twitchy to go home and relax.

Being able to socialise but with a 2 hour limit would be my ideal

Frostycake · 24/05/2015 12:33

I like being around other introverts. Does this make me an extravert introvert?

Andrise · 24/05/2015 16:49

Oh me too! I am pretty sociable in small doses and with the right set-up e.g. lectures, coffee with one or two friends, dog walk with a friend BUT I absolutely hate parties. I can't understand why anyone thinks they are fun. I have to make myself go and force myself to stay for an hour. I'm not that keen on dinner parties either though I can hold up my conversational end. I am also guilty of buying tickets to things then deciding on the evening that I CBA to talk to people and would rather have an evening in.

I absolutely have to have a certain amount of alone time to recharge. One of the nicest parts of getting rid of EA exH is all the headroom I gained!

Wearit · 24/05/2015 16:57

I am the same as you, I like one on one friends but not large groups as I feel pressure to 'perform'. I then get offended when friends ask me if I'm ok because i 'seem quiet' but I'm really ok and thought I was being hilarious!

LavenderRain · 24/05/2015 17:26

Yep I hate it, I find any excuse to invites unless they are close family,
I can manage a one to one meal with a best friend but a party? worse thing in the world for me!
DH on the other hand, loves a party to the extent he is always the last to leave and we end up rowing so now I don't go to parties with him. He went to one of his workmates 50th last night and I was soooo happy not to go,
Call me strange many do but I just hate it, and prefer my own company,

LondonLady29 · 24/05/2015 17:31

Me too, if I have an social event planned in the week after work, even a dinner with a friend, I often dread it because I'd rather go home, have dinner and be in bed by 10pm. I like a day to myself a weekend too, with my partner is best but preferably no arrangements. I find small talk and even making conversation with friends often very draining.

MrsUltracrepidarian · 25/05/2015 16:34

Went to a wedding yesterday (one of DH's friends).
Was actually quite excited about eh dressing up, seeing what the bride and everyone else was wearing etc, but after that I really just wanted to go home...
We stayed for the wedding breakfast and speeches, but luckily had the excuse of the long drive (4hr) and (teenage ) DC to get home to and so left after the speeches and before the evening do.

MrsTedCrilly · 25/05/2015 16:48

Everyone on this thread, please don't feel odd or weird.. Look at how many posts there are here! There are probably the same number of introverts as there are extroverts

MrsTedCrilly · 25/05/2015 16:51

I mean the same number in the world, not on this thread!

Womby · 25/05/2015 17:35

I just took the Myers Briggs test and I'm 80% introvert - I'm surprised I leave the house! LOL

I love meeting friends in small groups for coffee or lunch (max 3 other friends) and small family gatherings.

I hate any sort of evening party except for maybe a BBQ where you can be outside and drift off to quiet areas for peace. When a wedding or party invitation drops on the mat my first thought it one of dread (especially if it's a work colleague of my husband who I don't even know). I also never partake in work social events - evening quizs etc. After a day's work I just want to get home to the safety of my 'cave' and not interact with others. I love that moment of shutting the door on the world of an evening.

The worst party I ever went to was held at my Cousin's house - as soon as guests arrived they were forced to have their picture taken individually for her 'album' of the event. The house was small and not enough chairs so I ended up standing uncomfortably for hours hemmed in by other people, feeling terribly hot and stressed. My only reprieve was escaping to the garden for a while (in pitch darkness) where I found a bench to sit on in the cool air - I cannot tell you how good it was to get out!

When I do have to attend big events I need at least one full day afterwards seeing no one but my husband and staying at home or getting out into the countryside with no other people around. I feel I need that time to contemplate and analyse the day before - not sure why.

I could quite happily spend the rest of my life never going out in the evening ever again - the TV, a book, the radio and the company of my husband is all that I need.

I also wonder if others also hate the intrusion of the telephone? I simply hate it if it rings - I find it intrusive and demanding and nearly always let calls go to our answerphone and call back when I know what the call is about so I've got time to think about my call back.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 25/05/2015 17:42

Frame* I am exactly the same. I am pretty outgoing and chatty and dare I say it, fairly popular. I get invited to lots of stuff but I can only cope with socialising in short bursts. I get bored really easily if I see the same people too often and I just end up feeling really flat and drained.

I can't cope with really busy weekends where it's full on from Friday night and then again with something on Saturday and/or Sunday.

DH and I have two things back to back this weekend and we are dreading it. I am would love to be able to get out of at least one of them but we bailed on something last weekend so we can't do it again.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 25/05/2015 17:49

Id rather go to other people's houses rather than have them at mine, I can leave when I want.

Ha! Yes that's me too! I am happy to have people at mine so long as they just come for dinner in smallish groups and go home at a civilised time, like 1am tops. Because some of my friends and family live long distances from me I frequently have people come to stay. I love it for about two or three days and then I find loads of excuses to go off to my bedroom and don't come back for about two hours at a time. I'd go mad otherwise.

MrsUltracrepidarian · 25/05/2015 18:13

Id rather go to other people's houses rather than have them at mine, I can leave when I want.
Me as well!
I am definitely better as a guest, bring a lovely present, do all the social oiling to make people feel good about themselves, then gracefully leave.
And we never have people to stay now. Our rooms are all full of crap unsuitable for guests, apart from the DC rooms. ( They do have sleepovers occasionally, don't mind those as the DC host their friends, make them toast and bacon sandwiches and I am kept at arms length do not need to meet them.)

MrsUltracrepidarian · 25/05/2015 18:18

telephone? I simply hate it if it rings
yes!!!! I never answer the phone - it always goes to voicemail, unless it one of the DC, which is so rare it must be important, or DH who I don't mind talking to as will be relevant and transactional. ( And when one or other of us is away we text r email, o not talk ).
I love this thread, so good to know there are others like me!
My mum would love to have had a daughter like her friends' daughters who talk on the phone all the time, go shopping etc - I am more like a son...

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 25/05/2015 18:21

me too, hate the phone. Hate it.

cinnamonwhirl · 25/05/2015 21:15

Love this thread. Can relate to so much on it. I really enjoy seeing friends individually or in small groups. I am happy in my own company and noise irritates me. I find it hard to work in a very large open plan office (the noise) yet the anonymity of being one of many suits me. So many people that you are not noticed. I love dancing and am always first up on the dancefloor. I feel happier dancing than talking to people. I used to enjoy the anonymity of night clubs when I was younger. Do any fellow introverts feel the same about dancing? I feel at my happiest dancing in a crowd and do not care what anyone thinks yet I find it hard to talk in a large group.

PooSweats84 · 25/05/2015 21:39

Hate hate hate answering the phone. Unless it's DH or DD I'll let it go to voicemail and then text whoever it is later on!

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 25/05/2015 21:56

I'm the same. I hate socialising and find that I need time out to recover and find my energy after meeting people. Having said that, I do enjoy spending time with close friends and family, but I find small talk and meeting people who I know well but am not particularly close to, totally draining.

I also hate answering my phone and much prefer it when people just send me a text that I can reply to.

My DH is very socialiable and often likes us to go meet his friends and extended family. He's learnt now to do much of it on his own but I do accompany him. Sometimes as I feel I should make the occasional effort with his friends and their famous too. But I need time to recover afterwards and feel as though I've just accomplished a huge task when I leave the room.

blueshoes · 25/05/2015 23:04

cinnamon, I am an introvert (my strongest and most consistent trait in almost all personality tests) and absolutely lurve dancing. If the music is right, I could happily go on all night.

It is conversation that I find exhausting. I am not actually that interested in people or what they have to say.

cinnamonwhirl · 25/05/2015 23:40

Thanks blue shoes. I feel energised by dancing and like you could go on all night. Yet I find conversations in larger groups or smaller groups of people I don't know well hard going.

Fascinating thread. Like several pps I feel drained after social events, even if I have enjoyed them, and need time to recover and reflect.

I feel swamped in larger groups and feel annoyed that my personality is submerged and I feel flat compared to the extroverts. I show interest in others but it is not returned. I can only express myself with my family, close friends, certain small groups or on the dancefloor.

Womby · 26/05/2015 06:44

Re. the mention of not coping with working in an open plan office. I can relate to this too. I once worked in a room with 8 others - all open plan and behind me sat a very loud woman who had to speak and laugh 'loudly' to everyone who came into the room - regardless if they had come in to see her or not. In the end I left for that reason only - just couldn't cope with it. Now I'm in a job with my own office which is great but I'm about to be made redundant to I may find myself having to take a job in open plan again - arghhhhh!

spookyskeleton · 26/05/2015 06:54

Yy about the dancing - whilst I am quite inhibited at first and would never be the first on the dancefloor, once there is a crowd and if the music is right cheesy pop, I literally will dance all night. Wonder if this is just an avoidance tactic of having to make small talk

Ironically, whilst I crave my own space at home, I am completely different at work. I need to be in an office with others and do actually draw energy from being around others (this must be how extroverts are all the time!) I am in the process of applying for a promotion which will involve me having my own office and I am not looking forward to that (if I the job of course).

It is a weird contradiction.

Does anyone else find extroverts annoying? I actually hate being around those that are really loud, gobby, and attention seeking! To the extent I stored going to gym classes that a friend was teaching as there were a couple in there and I couldn't stand it

Lweji · 26/05/2015 07:02

The phone, check.

Needing rest from socialising, check.

Silence, check.

Lweji · 26/05/2015 07:05

Loud, gobby people are not necessarily extroverts. They could be compensating.

They are outgoing, as opposed to shy, but could actually be introverts.

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