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Original poster

Does anyone else find socialising exhausting?

79 replies

FrameItWhite · 23/05/2015 20:14

Or am I an oddball?

I would say I'm a popular person and have lots of friends but I just cannot socialise too often and when I do I just feel exhausted.

OP posts:

PeppermintPasty · 23/05/2015 21:05

Where is the introvert thread? Or is it so shy and reserved that it's on some other site?

fruitmedley · 23/05/2015 21:11

I'm another one - love seeing friends and going out - just not too often. I'm reading www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0141029196/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1432411792&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SY200_QL40&keywords=quiet&dpPl=1&dpID=31tIEgZBrhL&ref=plSrch which is very interesting and can identify with some - not all - of it.

tippytap · 23/05/2015 21:14

Ha, this is also me down to a T!

I am really chatty at work or one2one but hate parties and large gatherings. Id rather go to other people's houses rather than have them at mine, I can leave when I want.

I actually find that being one own and Not Talking recharges my batteries.

TheLily1957 · 23/05/2015 21:15

God yes. I was wondering if I was a bit strange or if it was coz I'm getting older and had a demanding career. Will look at link. Its funny though coz I used to come out on tests as extrovert until a couple of years ago. I find small talk a chore particularly these days. Trouble is if you want to make the effort to get to know new people its necessary isn't it?

noblegiraffe · 23/05/2015 21:15

I'm an introvert, I'm also a teacher so have to spend all day interacting with people. I'm bloody exhausted by the time I get home and the last thing I want to do at the weekend is be sociable.

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 23/05/2015 21:17

I suspect this is usually the first sign we are getting OLD!

I try to avoid socialising as much as I can. I literally have to psyche myself up to go out. I'm a social butterfly when I do go out.....given the choice between going out and just lying on my bed reading, whatsapping, is more attractive! I'm single and have two children one at uni and a 14 year old, so I should be out socialising, but instead I'm lying on my bed reading mumsnet.

My 80 year old mother has more of a social life than me!

catmaze · 23/05/2015 21:24

I absolutely hate going to any event where there is no escape if you get desperate. I have spent many an evening hiding in the loo.

Getting trapped in any social situation terrifies me.

The minute an invitation is accepted it stresses me, a last minute cancellation is wonderful but annoying as you've stressed for nothing.

I'm a bit strange.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 23/05/2015 21:24

I love small groups of three or four friends but big gatherings just make me nervous. I had to go to a function night at the school last week and I just felt on edge and nervous all night. I analyse what I wear, what I say, I probably spend more time worrying about myself and what others think than enjoying myself.

woodhill · 23/05/2015 21:26

yes I'm getting like this too

especially when I am work most of the week, love being at home

did some housework and a jigsaw and read a book today, didn't leave the house

I like being home in the evening

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 23/05/2015 21:37

The minute an invitation is accepted it stresses me, a last minute cancellation is wonderful but annoying as you've stressed for nothing.

Oh but Cat there is the last minute cancellation.....the one where you are invited but don't really want to go and you pray your host cancels and they do, SCORE!!!!!

peltata · 23/05/2015 21:47

I've had friends that seem to relax by talking continuously, and they must get tired/stressed out when they have time to themselves.

On this thread we all seem to be the complete opposite

So long as you feel comfortable with which type you are and what the advantages/disadvantages are then it puts you in good stead to deal with what life throws at you.

peltata · 23/05/2015 21:49

Just noticed - Saturday evening is probably a good time for an introverts thread!

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 23/05/2015 21:52

Gosh, you're all so lucky...I would love to be able to socialise but it terrifies me and I have next to no friends, so don't have any social occasions to grumble about having to go to.

I hate being alone but have no one to not be alone with.

Laladeepsouth · 24/05/2015 04:35

Lesser, I am sorry that you want to socialize but aren't able to. I do think people are more isolated in many ways now than they used to be -- social media often making things worse, not better. I'm sure there are many people who are feeling right now what you are.

I once looked forward to parties, socializing, activities. Now, as many posters have stated, I'll begin to feel a little isolated and so seek out or agree to an activity with other people and then when the day arrives, I DON"T WANT TO GO and imagine ways to get out of it/pray it gets cancelled! Makes me want to start drinking heavily

NorksAreMessy · 24/05/2015 07:57

I am so much in this camp I actually started a thread about it HERE

Because mad socialising is seen to be THE only way to be, we introverts need to gang together for support.
Whilst the extroverts are yelling loudly about their brilliant night out dancing on tables with twenty other people and singing in the street and having 'fun', we are all blissfully happy in our own little book reading, pottering, crafting world, but we are MUCH less likely to plaster it all over FB or talk about it in the office the next day.

I have come to the conclusion that 'fun' is boring and 'boring' is fun :)

ladymariner · 24/05/2015 08:45

Totally understand where a lot of you are coming from, but why would you even accept an invitation in the first place if you know you have no intention of going and so you cancel at the last minute, don't you think that is incredibly rude to whoever has issued you the invitation? They have perhaps gone to a lot of trouble organising a party or whatever, and then you cancel on them.....why not just politely decline in the first place?

I don't quite know where I fit in or would be described as....I love socialising and being with friends sometimes but on other times (much more as I'm getting older!) I crave peace and quiet and my own company....is that what is described as a sociable introvert?

DEATHcameforSirPterry · 24/05/2015 08:48

It's reassuring to see I'm not alone in wanting to be alone.

I'm not shy or particularly socially awkward and do sometimes enjoy going out and dancing on the tables with twenty other people but I need lots of people free space between these events. I'll go out and have a great time and everyone will be saying 'let's do this again next week' and I'm thinking 'noooooo, maybe next month... or the month after?'.

We share a house with my MIL and when my children were small I got a dog so that I had an excuse to be away from them all and on my own for a while. Every so often one of the family will announce that they want to get more exercise and will join me dog walking. After about two days I'm practically grinding my teeth at the thought of their company.

My MIL is the total opposite. She cannot stand being alone and has loads and loads of casual friends so that she has someone to be with for pretty much everything she does. She actively seeks out groups for social events and will go and stay with friends for weeks on end. The thought of being stuck in someone elses house, even just overnight, makes me twitchy.

I'm fine just with my husband and I have a close female friend who I like to spend time with. Dinner, coffee, days out, that kind of thing. I did go on holiday with her for a week though and that was too long!

sleeplessbunny · 24/05/2015 08:51

I am the same. It's like I have to retreat to recover after any socialising, even if it's just lunch with friends. THought I was weird until I did the Myers Briggs test and it explained everything!
www.16personalities.com

Orangeanddemons · 24/05/2015 08:54

Me too. I'm contemplating a vow of silence! I just don't want to interact at all.....

TyrannosaurusBex · 24/05/2015 09:44

I'm happy to be with my 'real' friends but I find being with people I don't click with exhausting. Due to one of my DC's hobbies I spend quite a bit of time with a group who don't seem to like me much, which makes me self-conscious and no doubt even less likeable! I just did the personality test and it says I find being alone 'frustrating' which is totally wrong. A lot of the assessment was accurate, though.

I totally relate to accepting an invitation, looking forward to the event and then on the day longing for it to be cancelled, I am even like this with events I'm hosting myself, which is crap of me. I'm trying to be more realistic these days as to which social obligations I will actually WANT to fulfill when it's no longer a 'distant elephant'!

Skiptonlass · 24/05/2015 10:15

I'm absolutely an introvert. I'm not shy and I'm good with people (my job entails getting a massive international team to work together.) but I find it exhausting. Of an evening, my Dh and I can sit in companionable silence, he doing his thing and me doing mine with no need to fill the quiet with meaningless chit chat. It's bliss. Or we can talk, and often do, but it's so wonderful to find someone who respects your need to have some quiet.

One thing I've noticed is how uncomfortable some people are with silence. I've started using this on my horrible boss. We usually interact by phone as she's in the USA. She will say one of her usual horrible things to me, I'll pause, give a calm answer and then shut up. I think she expects me to babble on and defend myself but I just wait for her to speak. She absolutely hates it (I've done it to her face to face as well, her reaction is hilarious.) my record is about twenty seconds. I never break first. I know, childish passing contest, but the woman is vile :)

I read a good definition of introversion once which is that an introvert takes their stimulation from within, is drained by company and needs alone time to recharge. Extroverts need stimulation from others, are energised by company and are drained by alone time.

Frostycake · 24/05/2015 10:30

Yes, you're an introvert.

I call extraverts 'energy vampires' as they bleed you dry and then disappear full to brimming with your energy, leaving you drained and exhausted. Social interaction only benefits them.

Come over to the dark side Introverts Thread. OTHER SUBJECTS/Introverts Thread ... shhh ... we're over here

catmaze · 24/05/2015 10:32

This definitely gets worse with age, especially when your hearing gets a bit iffy. In a noisy get together I spend the whole time saying "Pardon?"

Luckily the eyesight's not too good either, so I'm spared seeing their expressions.

PooSweats84 · 24/05/2015 10:38

I just did that test, 77% introverted, is that all?!

Missymoomoo1979 · 24/05/2015 10:39

I sound like you all, I've been invited to a few things lately and I'm so glad I've got the perfect excuse of working in the evenings, some things I won't be able to get out of but when I do oh the relief, I'm happy being at home with Dh and the kids, we get seen as boring by some but I don't care.

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