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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had enough of Frenemy-type friend and her horrible barbed comments.

64 replies

CarnivalRose · 22/05/2015 19:14

Friend always does a ditzy act so everyone thinks she's cute and nice, but always picks on me and makes barbed comments in a cutesy voice so that they sound like compliments. She doesn't do it to anyone else though.

Today I met her and several other friends and amongst the comments she made to me were:

"Oooh bottle blonde" when she saw I'd had my hair done lighter (she is bottle blonde herself too)

"Is that bag big enough for you? Jesus, its like a fucking sack. Isn't it?" (the isn't it bit was aimed at everyone else to get them to join in), about my new bag.

"oooh look at you, nice to see you've made an effort today"

"you're brave in those trousers. you're not someone that I would normally think could carry off something like that"

And on and on and on.

I came back with quips but I have been thinking I shouldn't have to defend myself to a so-called friend.

Why does she do this to me and not other people? She is always patronising to me about things I wear and own. Like an "OOOOH, I LIKE this" in a sarky baby voice.

OP posts:
Gorgonzolacherry · 22/05/2015 20:04

Lol at timelyreminder's comment. Another poster is right, thesewomen are a scourge. I like to leave people feeling better from our exchanges. What is wrong with these women?!

AgentCooper · 22/05/2015 20:12

God, what a dick! As pp have said, anyone who thinks 'cute' and 'ditzy' are winning qualities for adult women needs to have a word with themself. I can't stand baby voices, conscious 'quirkiness' and their usual bedfellow of passive aggression.

I agree with stonewalling. Make her own her words.

bjrce · 22/05/2015 20:15

I can't fucking stand these type of bitches!.
Life is too short to have to put up with this kind of shit.

There is obviously something about you that annoys her and she doesn't miss an opportunity to get a dig in at you. Is it possible that she's jealous of you, your car, your house, your kids etc.
Are there other people within the group she wants as "her friends" and thus wants to alienate you?
I agree with the PP, go down the Why? route,
This corners them every time.
Why would you say that?
Why do you feel the need to make that comment?
OOOHHH why are you in such a patronising/petty/jealous/bitchy/hurtful mood?

One guy once told me years ago that you can say anything you like to someone if you put in a long laugh in at the end. Works for me.

Oh you're such a bitch! HAHAHAHA!

She'll look at you and won't know what to say, it'll put her in her place, trust me!

Phoenix0x0 · 22/05/2015 20:17

She obviously has an issue with you jealous Envy.

I think silence. then a mowhahaha type laughter and then silence again Ma work.

You could also try repeating what she says to you back to her.

Her: "You're brave in those trousers. You're not someone that I would normally think could carry something like that off"

You: "Brave me? I was just thinking that you were brave wearing that dress/top/skirt/trousers/....I thought someone like you would look better wearing something plain/patterned etc....."

Her: "Oo look at you, nice to see you made an effort today"

You: "Oo and it's equally nice to see that you've changed from wearing that makeup/top/dress....didn't you wear that last time?...no? Oh well, defo seen you in it before"

Wristy · 22/05/2015 20:38

Op, some of these ideas are priceless, in fact I'm going to keep them in reserve for when/if I'm ever faced with one of these bitches.

I love the long hard laugh after almost any comment, that'll be the first one I try Grin

I think you should make a point of mixing it up and trying them all, keeps it interesting for you and keeps her on the back foot. I'd love to be a fly on the wall if you give one of these a bash! Xx

Wristy · 22/05/2015 20:40

And yeah, it sounds as if she's just a jealous cow!!

tribpot · 22/05/2015 20:46

God she sounds hilarious (hilariously awful I mean). Could you not carry a notebook and every time she makes one of these comments say "oh fantastic, that's going in the book" and just write it down.

I think Helen Fielding also used jelly fish to describe this kind of person, the dreadful Rebecca in the second book who appears to be lovely and friendly and is actually a monstrous bitch in disguise.

Newshoesplease · 22/05/2015 20:49

She sounds like someone I cut out a few years back. Right down to the "ditsy" act that seemed to fool everyone! We went to school together, then when I left she got a job where I worked, seemed to make it her mission to humiliate me in front of everyone I knew. Still get the shivers if I bump into her, she was truly vile!

Original poster
CarnivalRose · 22/05/2015 20:52

I often feel that my friend also sets out to humiliate me in front of others as much as possible.

I am actually getting quite self conscious about what I wear in front of her and try to keep things simple and inconspicuous as she picks up on everything.

OP posts:
Newshoesplease · 22/05/2015 20:53

Also hasten to add, I did lose most of my friends when I finally cut her out, but I think that was a blessing in disguise! Grin

purpleapple1234 · 22/05/2015 20:54

I' ve come across this type as well all cute and ditzy but as sharp as shit when they want to put someone down for whatever reason. I'd avoid avoid avoid. Although in my role as teacher I have come across bucket loads of this crap (that is very telling in itself) and non-engagement works the best. Laughing it off or similar tone don't work. They simply put you on similar level and fair game to prove themselves. Some posters have suggested making remarks to get her to explain herself. Great if you are quick-witted enough to see her off, but if you aren't don't even try! She's a bully so will engage as a duel. I go with silence, pause, head-tilt and walk away/change conversation topic with someone else. Bullies/smart attention seekers can't stand being starved the oxygen of attention or being humiliation by those they were trying to humiliate.

Newshoesplease · 22/05/2015 20:55

I hate how people can make you feel that way carnival. I don't understand what they get out of it?? But perhaps they're just spiteful people. Even typing stuff about this girl makes me feel awful. She really damaged my self esteem.

Original poster
CarnivalRose · 22/05/2015 20:58

Hugs to you Newshoes. Sorry to hear you lost most of your friends when you cut toxic bitch off :(

OP posts:
purpleapple1234 · 22/05/2015 20:58

carnival I just read your last post. Get this woman out of your life. You are worth a hundred times her.

Newshoesplease · 22/05/2015 21:05

Thanks carnival , it was a good few years back, and definitely was for the best though! I had to leave my job and everything, she affected me so badly!
I think you would be wise to distance yourself from the toxic girl, as gradually as possible until she's a mere memory!

Norest · 22/05/2015 21:16

I agree she sounds horrible. On the off-chance though...you say you come back with quips yourself..is there any possibility she thinks this is all 'banter' and that you and her have one of those mock-pisstaking type of friendships?

Probably a hugely long shot by the sounds of it, but thought i'd ask just in case!

pocketsaviour · 22/05/2015 21:21

I would go one of two ways.

"Accidentally" trip and spill something very staining, e.g. hot chocolate or wine, all over her. Act concerned, grab a handful of napkins, then accidentally poke her in the eye while trying to "help" her clean up.

Or.

Get her on her own - tell her you'd like a private word as you want to ask her advice. Then get up incredibly close, stare her in the eyes, and hiss "You need to wind your fucking neck in before you have an accident." Accompany with a nipple cripple if you feel so obliged.

Phoenix0x0 · 22/05/2015 21:30

pocket love the nipple cripple advice Grin

Defo more than the beeartch deserves mowarhahhaha Grin

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 22/05/2015 21:31

Head tilt, raised eyebrow, smile "and your point is"? - works every time

namechangefortoday543 · 22/05/2015 21:33

Tell her to fuck right off !- job done Grin

chippednailvarnish · 22/05/2015 21:37

Is her name Wendy?

Phoenix0x0 · 22/05/2015 21:37

name

Also great Grin!

marshmallowpies · 22/05/2015 22:08

What a horrid woman - straight out of Bridget Jones. Given me a sudden nostalgia rush to go back & read it now, but ugh at the horrid Rebecca Jellyfisher character. I thought she was a fiction, no one could be that nasty, evidently not...

FlabulousChix · 22/05/2015 22:52

My sister used to do this to me on nights out patronising cunt. It's jealousy

MrsSheRa · 22/05/2015 23:03

You know what Op, I've come across and befriended Jellyfish women over the years. I did it so many times that I ended up believing I was a ridiculous, worthless excuse of a person because of the constant digs and undermining. I also picked a very shitty boyfriend who did this sort of thing to me aswell

Ended up in counselling for depression/anxiety/self esteem issues yeas later.

But now I'm wise! Now I know. I stripped away the human rot in my life til I only had 1 friend left.

This woman is a small and pitiful creature, flick her away.