Hello Ladies, you might remember me, from a couple of years ago, when I posted about my husband's affair: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1782820-My-DH-has-had-an-emotional-affair and you might remember that I stayed with him, in an attempt to repair the marriage. We have a DS age 9.
Everyone thought it would be best to LTB, and I think deep down, I know that this is probably for the best, really. I don't know why I have kept trying - weakness I suppose), but I thought that a split would seriously mess up my child (and myself) and really couldn't bear the thought of it.
My post today concerns H's Brother, and the requests that he makes of this family, that I think are just plain cheeky.
1st, his brother is 41, has 3 kids, and is separated from the mothers. He has had serious issues with gambling & bankruptcy, and wanted to rent a flat about a year ago. He asked H to be a guarantor at first. Initially, we discussed it, decided we couldn't afford it if brother couldn't pay his rent for any reason, and said no. Then, next thing I know, H says to me "Don't worry, I've sorted it, he's put me down as a tenant", which of course is even worse, as now we're liable for all the bills & rates too, in the event of brother not paying.
2nd, last week, brother phones up (the phone was on speakerphone, so I could hear) and he was telling H that his car insurance was due, and that it was going to cost too much. I was thinking 'and?....why are you telling us?' , he then asked H if he could put him down as the main driver on the car, to bring his bill down 
. Luckily, H said no, as he has points on his licence (but I did wonder what he would have said, if he did not have any points). It's known as fronting, and the insurance companies are all too aware of it. H could end up in serious trouble.
3rd, brother is currently on holiday with his new girlfriend (of about 6 months). He phoned us on Sunday, to tell us that he's run out of money, and he wants H to transfer some money to him (he's only there for a week!), oh, only £300. (He's due back on Tues). H couldn't do the payment on Sunday, as he can't seem to log onto his bank on our laptop, so he left it until the Monday (yesterday). I return home from work to discover that H's Mum has been trying to phone me, on my mobile phone. When I txt to find out what's up, she says that the brother needs H, and to get him to contact her ASAP. H also received alarmed messages of emergency from her.
It turns out, its all because brother hasn't got the money yet.
I can't believe that he'd got MIL involved (she's abroad herself ffs). So, then H gets in touch, the brother says he can't receive the money to his phone (they decide to use pingit) so can H send it to the new girlfriend's phone? He says yes. Then, a request comes through to H, for £400! It turns out that for some reason, they couldn't afford their hotel bill 
.
H then paid it, only to discover afterwards, that it has put us overdrawn!!
I am so cross. My name is also on this account, so it's now a joint debt ffs.
I have discussed with H, the need to have some boundaries with his brother, because he really does take the piss.
He says "yeah, but he's my brother, he shoved a few quid my way when I was at uni, he's family, etc etc"
I even said last night, that I am prepared to pay for the brother to take classes in personal budgeting/financial planning etc. H just laughed, and said "yeah right, I can really see him doing that".
I was thinking more along the lines of teaching him to be more responsible with his own money, instead of these ridiculous situations keep cropping up, all the time.
Also couldn't understand why MIL didn't sort it out herself, he's not our responsibility after all. She had all day, and yet we were both at work.
Lastly, the brother has no pension provision. I talked to H about this last night. I asked him if we're expected to fund his retirement aswell, when he runs out of money? "No, don't be silly" came the answer...