9 year old DD wants NC MiL to come this evening for her birthday tea. I just have to suck it up dont I?

[Lurgano]

My MiL has been v difficult with me over the years - she has NPD and also an alcoholic.

I have done the dutiful DiL for many years but at the beginning of the year my DH and I separated and MiL was especially difficult to me and about me during this time - so I decided to go NC when we split.

Children still continue to see her as organised by DH - and have not clicked yet that I am NC.

DH and I have recently (4 weeks) got back together to try again and it is very painful and emotional (there was an OW). DH has been v respectful to keep MiL out of my way at this time as I am feeling especially vulnerable.

She has not been to our house for 6 months - but my 9 year old DD wants MiL to come for tea this evening for DD birthday.

Do I just do this for DD? Should I be able to get over my own insecurities?
The marriage is struggling and I just dont think that I can cope with her sneers, jibes etc and I dont want to be hospitable and fawn all over her.

schlong thx - you are so right - I don't know what is wrong with me - misplaced loyalties ? I was always brought up to value family and elders -- but I need to know the point when this is wrong and inappropriate i.e. now

I hear you about valuing family and elders but your mil is the first not to value family as she seems bent on ruining yours (could your h's affair have been a subconscious desire to appease his m?) and she's abusing her position as an elder by getting away with behaviour that wouldn't be tolerated in someone lower down the pecking order so to speak. I've had experience of a toxic mil and myself, dp and dc are non contact as she was intent on breaking up our family. Sounds like yours has semi succeeded so stop it now. You do have that power you know. Good luck.