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Original poster

Do you think he's creepy or sweet?

39 replies

Ellexx · 18/05/2015 10:41

I have been seeing a guy for approximately 3 months. However in some respects he is SO full on and i am beginning to see this as a bit of a red flag:

  • He put a photo up of us both on his instragram page when it was my birthday only 6 weeks of dating, i thought this was quite sweet at the time, but i will state it as its relevant with everything else!
  • Again after 6 weeks of dating, he put a photo of us as his phone background.
-He messages me every single morning when he wakes up
  • We spoke about the night that we had met a few days before, this was brought up again and he told me he looked at his bank statements online to find the exact date of when we met.
  • This date was then set to his pin code on his iPhone to access it.

All the above i could handle, i thought it was quite full on, but it wasn't a deal breaker. I saw him yesterday, all was going well then he told me something that lead me to writing this! In his iPhone, he's wrote a note with all the dates that we have met? so its a big list of '17/05/2015' etc. I would estimate there was around 15/16 dates in there! I was pretty shocked, if not a bit creeped out! I really didn't know what to say when he showed me!

Bit of background: Everything else is going well, he treats me well- he is also going to visit family in china for 3 months on wednesday, so i think he's worried i am going to end it when he goes away, so whether this is a reason for him being very keen I'm not sure? I admit, i do have my barriers up because I've been hurt a lot so unless he's trying to over compensate to show me he won't hurt me?

I should also mention he has OCD- i really do not know enough about it to determine whether this could influence his behaviour, but again its something i have considered?

Just wondered what your thoughts were? I think because he's going away it gives me the chance to either keep seeing how it goes, or end it? I am a bit confused how i feel.

OP posts:
PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 18/05/2015 10:44

He just seems a bit geeky to me..... oh and keen. Verrrrry keen!

Are you equally keen, do you think? Or are you a bit thrown by all the enthusiasm? I would be Grin

Lipgloss74 · 18/05/2015 10:48

Mmmmmnot sure what to make of all this. I was dating someone recently and everytime we had a date planned I drew a wee heart on my Diary but didn't do anything else!
It's very soon to be announcing it to the world of Instagram but he's clearly smitten and possibly trying to let you know that.
The OCD could explain some of his behaviour.
Always go with your gut feeling x

GrumpleMe · 18/05/2015 10:56

What does he do for a living? Maybe he just really likes you and really likes numbers?!?

minkGrundy · 18/05/2015 11:02

On its own, I wouldn't worry too much unless you are not keen. But if it were combined with e.g. wanting to know whete you were/had been, being annoyedif you don't teply straight away or anything remotely controlling then I would worry.

The texting every morning is just the way thing are with modern tech. Does make it a bit tricky if you start off that way to know when to stop once it all gets a bit less new and shiny.

minkGrundy · 18/05/2015 11:02

Also what is his longest previous rs?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2015 11:09

Do nothing - hold him at YOUR arms' length, wherever that is, until you're happy to let him further towards you. There's nothing in your post that startles me about this man.

He's not the boss of your relationship, he does what he does, you get to do what you do.

cleanmyhouse · 18/05/2015 11:34

If it's creeping YOU out, that's all that matters. When your gut tells you something isn't right, listen to it. It really doesn't matter if other people think it's creepy.

He sounds very keen, maybe a little too full on if the enthusiasm isn't recipricated.

What age is he? I'd think something like this was normal if he was a teenager.

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 18/05/2015 11:34

The only thing I'd say in addition to the above is that he does sound very young and enthusiastic. I went out with someone just like him when I was 20, and he properly put me on a pedestal. Unfortunately this meant he really didn't know how to cope when it became apparent that I was in fact just this ordinary human being - I still remember his look of hurt confusion at the realisation that I wasn't a magical combination of Marilyn Monroe, Athena and his mum Hmm

So yeah, tread with caution.

RubyMay82 · 18/05/2015 11:53

The date thing could definitely be his OCD,
Remember it's not always actions but thoughts & I get that!
Liking to keep track of things & things in order...
If it's not bothering you I wouldn't worry but it's maybe a sign of the way things would pan out & if he's OCD it's part of him & you would need to be willing to accept that...

Sidge · 18/05/2015 12:16

Before I got to the end of your post I thought "I bet he's got OCD".

Some people are just like that; dates and numbers are very important to them.

The photo thing is not overly weird but he seems very keen. And texting first thing is quite sweet; DP and I started texting each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night within about 6 weeks of starting to see each other, we were quite smitten with each other.

Him going away isn't a bad thing, you'll discover if you really miss him or not.

hoobygalooby · 18/05/2015 12:25

I don’t think these things are red flags as such, they are more indicative of his OCD. I am a bit geeky with dates and stuff like that too.
If you find it creepy then use the 3 months break to re-evaluate how you feel about him. If you find you miss him then you can step things up when he returns, but if you feel relieved to be away from him then that’s your answer.
Don’t make him any promises and make sure it goes at your pace and not his!

Plarail123 · 18/05/2015 12:28

If he is Chinese then numbers/dates mean an awful lot. He may show these numbers/dates to an astrologer or someone similar to determine how compatible you are. I don't know anything about this in detail but it's just a thought!

MakeItACider · 18/05/2015 12:29

They would be over the top for me. But that's because if I was faced with a life time of this type of over the to behaviour I couldn't cope with it.

I don't think it's sinister though. So if you are comfortable with such an inordinate amount of enthusiasm, go for it!

AlternativeTentacles · 18/05/2015 12:31

I also thought OCD before reading that he had it.

He likes numbers. And lists. That in itself is not creepy. I also have the parking ticket that I kept when me and the OH first met from 11 years ago.

wannaBe · 18/05/2015 12:37

OCD explains a lot esp the dates. Texting first thing in the morning is sweet, me and dp did this when we first got together, now we call each other before he gets up - we don't live together and see each other at weekends, but have been together two years now. I don't find the rest creepy at all, and if he's going away for three months then it doesn't look as if he's the smothering type. Smile

googoodolly · 18/05/2015 13:00

The OCD explains his behaviour, but you need to make sure you're comfortable with it if you want this relationship to continue? It's part of him and it won't go away.

Rivercam · 18/05/2015 13:06

I agree with mink that on its own , nothing to worry about, but if he starts showing controlling features, then that would be a worry. Ie. Wanting to know where you are a lot the time, getting cross if he is not informed, being jealous of other friends etc

AmelieinOz · 18/05/2015 14:31

He's a geek. A very sweet geek who seems to really, really like you. :)

Original poster
Ellexx · 19/05/2015 14:46

Thank you for all your replies :)

Its funny you should mention age, as he is actually quite young, I am 24 and he is 20. I recently did a previous post worrying about age! He is still at university, so his job is not number related.

In regards to previous relationships, he's had 2 girlfriends each lasting between 7months-15 months, both ending because of long distance. I get the impression from old social media posts, he was equally just as full on with them,
so i have a feeling it is just the way he is, rather than him being completely smitten with me, unless its a bit of both I'm not sure! I looked to see if he had twitter and he only had an old account from when he was 17, all his tweets were VERY FULL ON to his then girlfriend, all very emotional, in particular a few tweets when they broke up about how hurt he was (they were quite dramatic actually). Do you think this is odd, or acceptable because of his age at the time?

I was definitely taken aback by writing all the dates down we met, he had also drafted me a happy birthday message, which he must have wrote before sending it to me. He has told me he does get jealous, but he hasn't shown any sign of possessiveness or being controlling. I told him i was going on holiday with the girls and he seemed to be fine about it!

I think I'm finding it hard to judge as if it is genuinely OCD i wouldn't want to judge him on something that isn't his fault. But at the same time, i do worry that it is a little bit of a red flag!!!

Bit of a ambiguous question, but how long would you say it is acceptable to date someone, before you are 'leading them on?' I know he's quite keen to progress things, but at the moment i am happy the way it is! i know that question probably can't really be answered? but we will see!

OP posts:
cleanmyhouse · 19/05/2015 14:56

So he's a really full on young guy.

I guess you have to decide whether you're prepared for full on declaration on Facebook.

It makes me think immature and needy to be honest, with the info you've given in that last post.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 19/05/2015 14:56

So, you're both in your early 20's and you're not that into him and find him ever so slightly creepy? So, let him go and stop worrying about it!

Original poster
Ellexx · 19/05/2015 15:01

Likeabadseth: haha I do actually really like him, just hesitant and a bit put off with the above!

OP posts:
LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 19/05/2015 15:04

And don't judge him on his 17 year old self's Tweeting! Thank God Twitter didn't exist when I was 17 and all that angsty bill is remained safely hidden in my diary!

He should probably delete all that now though.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 19/05/2015 15:05

That should read angsty bollocks. My iPhone doesn't like me swearing! Grin

loveareadingthanks · 19/05/2015 15:18

How about neither creepy nor sweet but just a little bit strange. Harmless strange or redflag strange? You can tell from the rest of his behaviour, seems ok from what you've said, just watch out for controlling possesiveness/jealousy arising. It's early days yet and you've got a break coming up, see how things go after that?

Personally daily texting would be too much for me but if you like it, ok.

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