Dating a man with "issues" - wisdom needed please

[Toothfish]

Hi. I'm not really sure whether to run away or persevere with the man I'm seeing as he's definitely got some issues.

Quick summary is that we were seeing each other a couple of months and at times he seemed really into me and looking to start a proper relationship and other times he pulled away and left me feeling confused. I think the amount he pushed me escalated. At first it went from not responding to texts as quickly to downright cancelling dates last minute without a reason that rang true.

I tried to discuss it with him and let him know it was upsetting me but he didn't listen, wouldn't explain so I dumped him. Which he never expected because I think he thought I was a soft touch.............which I am not!!!

So anyway, after I dumped him and after a week, he showed up on the doorstep asking for another chance. The quick version of what he said (I think he was brutally honest) is that he messed me around, knew full well he was doing it and this is just how he treats women and this is a side of hi that has developed because he did not want a relationship.

He said after going way and thinking about it he realised he'd fallen for me and wanted to have a proper relationship with me, and that if I give him a chance he will change completely and work at being a good boyfriend. He said he used to be a good boyfriend but his last two girlfriends cheated on him and left him commitment phobic and he wants to change and was waiting for the right girl which he thinks is me. He said he's not had a proper girlfriend for years. He seemed relatively open and honest, as what he said was not actually very nice or flattering (basically admitted he'd been playing me) and he did also get a tear run down his face at one point.

I am just wondering if I am wise to walk away from someone with such self-confessed issues with commitment and being open or if sometimes it might be worth allowing a bit of extra patience. Also of course I am a little worried that this is just another phase of the game.

I'd like to believe a bad boy can change his ways for the right girl, but is this naive? I've no wounded bird complex - never been with a guy before with "issues" but I am not sure if I am dealing with just a completely immature dick head who can't stand the fact that I dumped him or if this is a genuine person with some fears that he is trying to battle because he thinks I am worth it.

In my experience, you pay very close attention to someone who tells you about their issues as a reason for treating you badly. It basically gives them carte blanche to behave badly again then say "well i told you about my issues". Its basically an excuse for behaving badly before it happens.

Run.

I don't know why I bothered to ask. I suppose its quite romantic when someone who's been confusing you for weeks and acting cold comes to knock on your door and cries and tells you that you make them want to be a better man, and despite the obvious it is quite hard not to be a bit swayed. I'm quite a tough woman (hence dumped him) but also it did hurt the rejection from him so I think him coming back with all this made the ego feel a bit better and all that.

I did at least have a "back of my mind" thought of...."hmmm....this could all be bull shit to win me back so he wins the battle". I didn't want to find myself so cynical though that I didn't entertain the possibility that he was being honest and that maybe he genuinely does have some issues, genuinely does not want to live his life like that any more and genuinely does want to give a "proper relationship" a try with me. I do see the point though that it doesn't really matter because if he's a twat he'll continue to be that whether or not he's in a relationship with me or not and that I'm not going to rescue him from himself.

Oh gosh, of course it is hard not to be swayed by emotional manipulation! That's how that shit works! You are indeed a strong woman not only to have dumped him, but to sense that there was also something off in the ego stroking he was giving you.

You're the one doing the rejecting here. Because a man is not meeting the standards with which you want to be treated. I know it hardly feels that way, but there's much to be celebrated here.

I suppose a good person would not have been capable of making me feel bad deliberately for weeks on end. My Dad would say "you can't polish a turd".

Toothfish, how did you end up going? what happenned?

.