The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Shaping Up For A Super, Sober Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hey, I'm Mouse

This is 'Gerald', our trustworthy, non judgemental Bus, full of a variety of posters who have travelled long and far, or even just joined us a few stops ago.

This is a place where you can be who YOU want to be. 24/7, 365. This lovely place is just like your best friend, there's no slagging off, no judging, just us.

Drinking or not, embarrassed, fed up of the way things are, or just lonely of living the way drinking makes you do, come and take a peek and see what you think.....

THIS THE LAST THREAD WE HAD

AND THIS IS WHERE THE BUS WAS BUILT, WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

We can't wait to meet you, we won't bite! Well, unless you ask very nicely.

Take good care until we see you. :) xx

Deep breath. Jumping in.

I am a long-term lurker (like, at least two years) who just can't seem to get to a place where really stopping for good (which I know is what ultimately I have to do) feels like a realistic option.

I am mid 40s, married, two kids, (reasonably) happily and successfully employed, yet I have been drinking at least a bottle a night more or less every night for (gulp) roughly 23 years. I stopped when pregnant (why is it most of us manage that but then find it so difficult later on?) but otherwise have never managed more than maybe four days AF in a row.

I know I have to do this and yet the difference between how I feel at 6am (a bit sick, knackered, determined to stop now, forever) and how I feel at 5 or 6pm or maybe even 4 (having a drink almost without question) feels like an unbridgeable gap.

I have tried 'outsourcing' the problem - which I guess may be just a way of avoiding it - I've been seeing a therapist for over a year and have recently started seeing a personal trainer (on a short-term basis only - I really don't have money to burn!) but frankly, things are not improving.

I have to do this but I just don't know where to start. I know someone will say, start now, don't worry about the future, but I'm already looking ahead to tomorrow (book group, always a boozy night), the day after (old friends at a festival type thing, ditto) and so on and so on.

Not asking for any answers, just decided that saying hi and getting to know you all properly rather than lurking might be a good start.

Welcome Beonit I like your expression 'outsourcing the problem' Have you found the therapist helpful? You have come to the right place and you will get some great support on this lovely bus Take each day, hour, minute at a time and have a think about what you'd like to do. I'm an 'all or nothing girl with no OFF button' I know that I can't moderate. I used to drink 6 days out of 7 and usually more than 1 bottle usually 2 and to myself Post whenever you fancy, at least one of us (most of us) will know how you feel

SWEET so so lovely to see you babe. I have missed you so much, especially in the mornings I really look forward to your posts Sorry that you've been solitary How are puss and pup? Bet your garden's looking lovely Glad you're back

Fox hugs to you I can't do the Becks Blue, it winds me up too much what do you mean - no effects Hope you've had a good day x

Isinde your office sounds lovely - the sky was breath taking today. I do love the summer and feeling warm

How is everyone? All ok here! Ho hum more TV can't be arsed to do anything else

Have a good evening y'all x

Khalisi hope you're day got better - Day 5 Babe that is brilliant darling, have you thought of ways of distraction over the weekend? Big hugs babe, it had better not rain this weekend when I don't have to work, roll on being able to enjoy the sunshine

Hands Day 11 is awesome, you've done over a week and nearly 2 Yay! I find that I really start to enjoy cooking once I've got over not drinking whilst cooking, a habit of many of us I love the taste of food and it's somehow different when it doesn't taste of wine Keep going babe it is so worth waking up without a hangover

Beaches I hope you're ok babe. Sending you hugs sugar plumb. Miss you loads

Wry if you're reading, we all miss you. Hope you're ok and lurking. Any chance you can de-lurk? Don't tell anyone but the Big Tasty's back

Hi beonit welcome to the bus

I can sense a little bit of desperation and fear in your post, maybe I just recognise it because it's so familiar to me. I used to post about being unable to break the cycle but, guess what, that was then, things are so different now.

I used to think that I was doomed to spend the rest of my life waking with that awful, sick, self loathing feeling. To spend every morning promising myself that I wouldn't drink but feeling compelled to go out and buy wine in the early evening. Day after day after day. I was so scared that I would have to live like this because I couldn't stop it.

But I did stop it. I changed some habits, hung around this place a lot, picked up loads of advice and started cutting 'drinking days' out of my week. I started by not drinking on Mondays. It was easy, it was just one day. When I was comfortable with that I cut out Tuesdays and so on. It took a long time and there were setbacks but now my habits are completely different.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't worry. You're in a safe place here, just try to stay with us even if you're in the sidecar.

Sweet so great to have you back with us, sorry you've been through a difficult time. Dh has been raving about the Ken Follet books so I'm going to give them a go after I've finished my current Philippa Gregory.

Hi Beonit. You sound a lot like me. My cravings usually start at about 2ish and get stronger as the afternoon progresses. I've found fizzy soft drinks help (and chocolate although I'm trying to wean myself off that too!) By the time we've had our evening meal the cravings have usually gone. We have a big family do coming up at the end of June and I don't know whether I'll be able to get through it AF but at the moment I'm taking things one day at a time. The feeling of waking up without a hangover is fab! As Spanna said, everyone on the bus knows exactly how you feel xx

Beonit, What you describe is just so familiar, and that struggle, we all understand. If it is too much to contemplate doing the weekend AF, how about alternating drinks, or just make the first one a soft drink - tell people your thirsty. After the first one, no one will notice what you're drinking. But keep lurking or posting, it will help.

Spanna my lovely, Puss has a new fancy cat flap that works with her microchip, she's very pleased she has an easy way to bring in her 'toys' . . . the shrew she bought in lived In my comfy chair for two days before I caught it, so she very kindly killed the mouse she dropped on the bed for me at 4am yesterday morning . Pup is growing, and growing, he graduated from puppy class last week, got the certificate to prove it! The garden isn't spectacular, but it's just the first year, and I'm pleased with how it going now Pup is only digging in the lawn instead of the flower beds! You sound bright and positive.

Faire you're sounding good too, thanks for the welcome back. I've not read any Ken Follet, I enjoyed some of Philippa Gregory's early books but haven't read any since The Constant Princess.

Spanna at the moment I'm finding the whole process of cooking really boring. I've always loved cooking but I now realise it's only because I could spend an hour or so in the kitchen knocking back the booze. I'm looking forward to enjoying cooking again - without wine! Has DD finished her exams now? DS has his last one a week tomorrow.

I'm off to read my book. DH is in the garden having a beer. I'm having a chamomile tea! Night night babes xx

Hey, thanks for the welcome, much appreciated.

Spanna the whole therapy thing has thrown up loads of issues for me but interestingly (predictably?!) the biggest has been a huge unwillingness to even discuss my alcohol issues because of my huge sense of SHAME. I would probably talk to my therapist about anything else in my life (except sex... obviously... and a few other bits and pieces). Hmm, maybe not the best therapy experience ever then? To be honest, probably for just that reason I will shortly be terminating my relationship with him. Maybe the personal trainer will sort me out instead?!

Fairenuff you are spot on with the desperation and fear, all covered up with a big dollop of bravado though. I know I have to break this habit or it will break me.

Sweet I haven't figured out this weekend yet but will definitely bear your advice in mind. Thank you.

Good night all. B x

Hands sorry I missed you in my response. Sounds like we're on a similar pattern. Here's to more more mornings without hangovers!

I drink too much but pretend I don't as I'm sure many people here do, I live in a warm country where alcohol and enjoyment go hand in hand but I always have to have that little but more. I am overweight and keep trying to lose weight/ stop drinking but life always gets in the way if you know what I mean. The prospect of no alcohol ever again is too scary for me to consider so I guess cutting down is the bast option but I Am not sure where to start

Happy birthday lovely Sweet. Hope you have the best of days.

Waves to all new babes - well done for taking that first step, and welcome to the bus!

Good morning all.

Viche, Lib, welcome, you have arrived at a good place to start. Jump in and tell us as much or as little about yourselves as you feel comfortable with, we're all here for the same reason, and pretty much unshockable, I guarantee, one if not most of us will say, "Me too".

Lib I particularly understand your situation, my parents live in France, and the entire expat scene is built around sociable, but frankly excessive drinking, and I have always given in when I'm there. I'm not AF at the moment, but I've cut down and did 74 days earlier in the year, and want to get back there, feeling fresh, and present. Since the beginning of the year I've lost 7kg, mostly because when I don't drink, I make good choices, and can be bothered to take care of myself.

I have so much to be grateful for this morning, I'll be spending the day with DH and Pup, and DS when he gets home from school, hopefully just relaxing in the garden if the thunderstorms hold off. Have a lovely day, Babes .

Thank you Small

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday my dear Swee-heet, happy birthday to you!
For she's a jolly good fello! For she's a jolly good fello! For she's a jolly good felloooo! And so say all of us! And so say all of us! And so say all of us! For she's a jolly good felloooo! And so say all of us!

Hip hip! Hurray! Hip hip! Hurray!
Lots of !

Welcome back, my darling friend! I'm literally smiling at the pc like a fool!
Many hugs!

XXX

Wow, Sweet, you've brought a bunch of Babes back with you! Lovely!

Welcome beonit, Viche and Lula!

The biggest different between this place and the rest of MN is that honestly, we are too busy surviving and supporting each other to judge! Hope you Babes will feel right at home! Please don't think we're a clique and feel bad to make yourselves comfortable.
The biggest gift from here for me has been that I am now much better at moderating. I think I've been drunk only three times since January. Absolutely no comparison!
Obviously it doesn't always work but I now more often then not find the OFF button (also a binger).

Hands I hear you on the cooking. It changed for me though when my body rejected meat and I had to be vegetarian. I love eating as much as drinking and the prospect of second class food was too horrible. Got myself a couple of new cookbooks and am really having fun!
Plus of course new fella does quite a bit of cooking and is always working on the next meal being great because he doesn't want me to feel neglected without meat!
Oh, that with the wink sounds a bit ambiguous, doesn't it?!

Faire I LOVE Ken Follet! Read Pillars of the earth when it came out and fell in-love with his writing! Big books, though!

Fox you singing the praise of Becks Blue has also led me to drinking AF beer. We (fella and I) have now found a favourite and it is just delicious!

spanna I can't believe I'm on Day 6! It sounds stupid to be proud of it but I really am! I know I have to throw away the half bottle to make it an AF weekend but hmmm.

baby how are you doing, pip? I miss you!

Waves all-around!

XXX

Thank you Khalisi, I'm bowled over and glad to be back. at "neglected without meat". What a good chap you have there . But as a veggie of 26 years standing, I could never go back to meat eating, perhaps one day I'll be able to say that about wine.

Morning babes

Happy Birthday Sweet, hope you have a fabulous day and are spoiled rotten.

This has been a good week alcohol wise, haven't had a drink since last Friday night. In the spirit of honesty I will have a drink tonight. I have a hair appointment in the morning so most definitely won't overindulge (my main problem with alcohol is knowing when to stop).

Waves to all babes xx

Obrigada the knowing when to stop is definitely my weak spot too - appointment in the morning sounds like a good strategy!

Lovely, lovely Spanna, I am SO proud of you flower! Look at you all sober and brave. You are doing everything brilliantly, helping DD through her gcse's, getting to the bottom of the macaroon mystery, supporting all your old folk and even dancing at festivals!! I have been lurking but in and out of the sidecar and a bit up and down - it was just never the right time to post but I really appreaciate all the call outs and I have missed you too. Big squeeze

Happy Birthday Sweet, good to see you back

Hello to all babes, old and new and a belated happy birthday to Gerald - keep on trucking

Lovely to see you too Beaches, and you Obrigada How's life treating you both?

Today I have mostly been removing wildlife from the Puss and Pup. First thing, Puss presented me with a fully grown, very much alive, black bird; and since I so ungratefully let it go, she has since given Pup a dead mouse and a dead shrew - I'm running out of treats that will compete with small ex-rodents. Thing is, Puss is a tiny cat, the black bird was almost as big as her, I have no idea how she got it. Bloomin' cats!

She sounds like a proficient hunter Sweet . We had a cat when we were first married and she was the same - we even had a big fish one day, no idea where she found that!

Life is good here really, the sun is out and there is food in the cupboards! I have been trying to moderate and have lots of af nights but on the nights I do drink it is always a bottle to myself. So the following mornings are always regretful, annoyed and full of better intentions. Same old, same old .

Hello all, I'd tentatively like to ask if I can join you? I've not read all the posts on this thread but have had a scroll through several pages and the "average" that I have read is a bottle a night - although I am sure that I have missed off masses. I've had issues with alcohol for the last 17 years or thereabouts, although I'm inclined to think that an addictive personality is something you're born with which, given the right (or wrong) conditions, can develop over the years. Mine started to get terribly bad when my ex DH walked out after I'd had DD. I only had six weeks' maternity leave and was in a foreign country so had to get on with it, and blotting everything out on a nightly basis when DD was asleep became the norm.

I've been back in the UK for many years now and everything has escalated, improved, escalated again. I have periods of sobriety - lasting anything from a few days to two years - I've tried a detox unit (I have DTs and seizures if I quit suddenly without Diazepam), I have been sectioned, tried AA (acquired two stalkers who would appear, drunk, at my place of work plus a journalist at a meeting who sold something I said about my workplace to a national newspaper). I have lost jobs, relationships, obviously too much money over this hideous substance. For me, the "coming down" and the associated guilt and shame should be enough to ensure that I never become complacent enough to think that I can ever have another drop. I've been desperate enough to consider suicide over the last year or so, and was picked up by British Transport Police last month, apparently trying to get onto a railway line - which I really have no recollection of as I've always thought that's one thing I would never, ever do. I think that shocked me badly enough to give me a renewed sense that I need to try harder, for my DD as much as anyone else - she is nearly 18 and it's largely been just the two of us all her life (ex DH has never paid anything and only contacted her recently after many years of no contact). So today I am three weeks sober and hoping to remain so.

I really hope that wasn't too much of a saga. I might think that we're born with it, but picking up the bottle is still an active decision and a choice - that's what I need to keep remembering.

Hi Lobster and welcome. First of all, well done on 3 weeks, all of us appreaciate that isn't as easy as it sounds. From your post, which by the way was incredibly open and raw, you sound like a very resilient and courageous woman. I agree that some if us seem more prone to addiction than others and environment definitely contributes, but the first drink is the one we have a choice about or at least that makes sense to me. In fact it is possibly the only one we have a choice over. Anyway, stick with the bus, it is full of support

Lobster, as you know, Mumsnet is a very 'un-huggy' place, but on the bus, thanks to a lovely Babe called Wry (we love you and hope you're well), we have {interbosies}, I'm very much South of the border, but I gather they are the Scottish equivalent of a Welsh 'cwtch'. And you need some. Come and ride on board Gerald, it's sometimes silly but never judgemental, and ALWAYS supportive. What counts is that you have tried and tried again, this evil poison will not let up easily, but the more you/ we try to stop, the more we are likely to succeed, together.

I have to be completely honest and say that I am sitting here drinking champagne, and thinking, "It's not 'all that' but I've opened the bottle now. So, I'm not going to drink when we go out to eat tonight, strictly lime and soda with my veggie jalfreizi.