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Original poster

Should I look or not?

48 replies

copperpots · 12/05/2015 09:31

I just split up with an ex, who acted very strangely. I felt he was seeing someone else. I have a chance right now to look at his phone.

Should I do it?

I am sitting there feeling like it might be a good idea because seeing it with my own eyes and confirming suspicions would help me move on and stop taking him back / believing in him when I suspect he is not being honest.

On the other hand, if I look is it morally wrong? Also will it be worse to see it?

OP posts:
hiccoughybump · 12/05/2015 09:35

Yes it's morrally wrong and no you shouldn't do it.

I totally would though!

pepperpotandyoghurt · 12/05/2015 09:36

you've broken up. if he was seeing someone else, all you will get from reading anything is hurt. if he wasn't seeing anyone else...well, you've still broken up for a reason.

presumably you're with him - i would go for asking him outright. i wouldn't want to actually look at messages, that could hurt. plus, you wont see everything on a phone. what about deleted things on emails etc. it will just drive you crazy.

be good to yourself and if you want information, just ask him and accept his answer. don't put yourself through the stress of snooping etc when it won't change anything.

Only1scoop · 12/05/2015 09:39

If you have already split up Id say what's the point....but you are talking of getting back together?

If you suspect just ask him

Pollyswall · 12/05/2015 09:39

Look, knowledge is power.

Original poster
copperpots · 12/05/2015 09:41

The point is that I keep taking him back after these little fights, but his behavior makes me suspect he is seeing someone else. I just want to know the truth really, and I am not getting it from him.

I don't feel right about it, but at the same time want truth (and deserve truth) and haven't had it from the horse's mouth

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 12/05/2015 09:41

Then look

molyholy · 12/05/2015 09:43

Have a look.

TengoSueno · 12/05/2015 09:44

I would say that the trust is no longer there at all and you should just move on. Even if you saw something he would most likely minimise it.

ImperialBlether · 12/05/2015 09:44

I would definitely look.

winterinmadeira · 12/05/2015 09:44

I'd definitely look

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 12/05/2015 09:45

Have a look, then you'll know for sure if you're wasting your time on him.

I think you shouldn't bother with him in the future regardless but only you have the full picture on that.

Grantaire · 12/05/2015 09:46

If you can't trust him, move on. You don't sound like this relationship has made you happy.

The correct thing is not to look. Of course. You absolutely shouldn't. Would I look? I genuinely don't know.

pocketsaviour · 12/05/2015 09:48

Obviously you look, and when you find what you expect then you'll finally have a good enough reason not to take him back again.

notapizzaeater · 12/05/2015 09:49

If you keep taking him back then I'd look to give me the strength not to take him back

SomewhereIBelong · 12/05/2015 09:51

Don't look, walk away, you don't sound like he rocks your world - don't settle for less than adequate...

Original poster
copperpots · 12/05/2015 09:54

Ok I looked, and he's done absolutely nothing. So I really don't get his behavior, and now I feel a bit awful.

OP posts:
PutWittyUsernameHere · 12/05/2015 09:59

Hate to say it, but nothing on his phone doesn't mean he's definitely not done anything; he may just have been careful to delete the evidence. The whole thing is academic though, as you have split up with him due to his behaviour, which from your PPs has happened more than once before. You don't trust him, rightly or wrongly, and therefore the relationship is going nowhere.

Move on, save yourself for someone who's phone you don't have an urge to check 'just in case'.

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 12/05/2015 10:02

I agree with PutWitty.

Only1scoop · 12/05/2015 10:02

Op that's a huge statement

Just on looking at his phone Confused

Original poster
copperpots · 12/05/2015 10:05

He's definitely not that bright or computer savvy and I have a degree in computer science, so there's definitely nothing I missed so I do feel like nothing's going on.

It's so strange because I have honestly never in my life felt like a man was cheating on me or playing games with me like I do with this man, but I think he actually deliberately does things which are suspicious and then says there's nothing going on. It's very odd.

I split up with him because I thought he was hiding something from me.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/05/2015 10:50

Trust your gut instincts, OP.

pictish · 12/05/2015 10:52

It's wrong to look. It's an absolute invasion of privacy...lower than a snake's belly.
Of course I would totally look. Have you done it yet?

pictish · 12/05/2015 10:53

Oh you have. Well no harm done there.

Fudgeface123 · 12/05/2015 10:55

I'm totally not saying there is anything to worry about but you don't have to be computer savvy or 'not that bright' (charming by the way) to delete a text or clear your internet history

sadwidow28 · 12/05/2015 10:56

So list the other things that made you suspect he was cheating. try to re-evaluate them.

Is it possible he has a 2nd (hidden) phone?

Not all affair meet-ups are conducted via text/social messaging.