Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Career or Family?

41 replies

AmelieinOz · 11/05/2015 23:16

Would you pursue a career path that will pay well but will require you to live away from your husband for at least ten years? Him moving to be with you is not an option, as he won't have a career where you are going.

Or would you go back to study something else that will enable you to stay and give you a career eventually? But you need to start from scratch.

I'm 37. No kids. Not sure if I want to have, but my GP is breathing down my neck saying we can't do anything with old eggs. :)

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 11/05/2015 23:24

Ten years is a long time. I think if you did, you'd have to accept that your marriage was over.

I certainly wouldn't stick around for 10 years for anyone.

TopOfTheCliff · 11/05/2015 23:28

Are you an astronaut?

Original poster
AmelieinOz · 11/05/2015 23:30

No. Not an astronaut.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 11/05/2015 23:35

Grin Best response I've ever seen.

You'll be 47 then, how old will he be?
Does he want children, would you end up splitting up anyway?
Why would it have to be 10 years.

Are you abseiling The Grand canyon?

TigerFeat · 11/05/2015 23:35

Why is your GP pushing you to have kids if you're not sure you want any? Is he also your husband?

what does your husband think about your mars trip career choice?

TendonQueen · 11/05/2015 23:36

It ought to be a career you are absolutely in love with for that. Yet you've only mentioned its earning potential.

And your GP's right. Ten years from now is going to be five years too late for you.

TendonQueen · 11/05/2015 23:39

Also, why does it have to be these two polarised choices? I know the employment market's not great but is there nothing in between?

Joysmum · 11/05/2015 23:39

What makes life living for us is the people we love, not a job. I'd certainly not choose to be away for anywhere approaching that time. Many marriages don't even last that long!

Eigg · 11/05/2015 23:40

I'm not sure you question is career or family. It sounds a bit more like career or marriage.

I personally could not live apart from my DH for 10 years. In fact I miss him dreadfully anything over 10 days away.

However, that's my marriage and everyone is different.

How does your DH feel?

Original poster
AmelieinOz · 11/05/2015 23:40

Nope, my GP is not my husband. I don't know why she's pushing me to have kids now. My guess is she had a difficult time getting pregnant herself. She's a good doctor, very thorough. She's right though - if I want to have kids, I should have started already.

I am a GP trained abroad and moved to Australia. I live in Melbourne. It's all due to license restrictions for internationally-qualified doctors.

I'm turning 37 on July. My husband will be 41 on the 19th.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 11/05/2015 23:43

So, at 37, your only career options are a move away from your husband for 10 years (and he is not prepared to move with you) or a lengthy training in a new career?

TheFallenMadonna · 11/05/2015 23:45

X post. Can you top up your training? A family member is an overseas trained doctor. She worked in a related field for a couple of years, took some exams and is now fully qualified here too.

Original poster
AmelieinOz · 11/05/2015 23:47

TheFallenMadonna - as a GP I need to stay in a remote area for ten years (government regulations) before they give me the right to practise in the city. Also the available jobs are usually there.

I don't know when they started that regulation but that's how it is currently.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmelieinOz · 11/05/2015 23:49

And yes, I need to take exams. But after the exams, I need to work in an Area of Need for ten years before I can move to the city.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmelieinOz · 11/05/2015 23:50

Eigg - since I don't have a kid yet, my husband is my family. :)

He prefers I stay with him.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 11/05/2015 23:50

How difficult! What does your husbamd say? 10 years!

TheFallenMadonna · 11/05/2015 23:51

Oh, x post again. But he's not prepared to move with you?

Eigg · 11/05/2015 23:51

Apologies Amelie, I read you OP that the choice was between starting a family or making this career choice.

I take it there's no possibility that your DH could go with you? Would you be able to see each other at weekends?

TigerFeat · 11/05/2015 23:52

What does your husband do?

mrbob · 11/05/2015 23:53

Hmmm the rural stuff makes it tricky. I am not in Victoria but we have "rural" GP jobs much closer to the city in SA. Are there definitely none anywhere within commuting distance? Can your DH be in a different city or does it have to be Melbourne? I am in medicine and I can't imagine having to start again in a new speciality with the years involved in that especially with competition being tight. Other ideas I would look at if I were you are: rural locums (not sure if your registration allows that? But I know of someone married who does that which allows her to work very part time and just be away from her family for a week at a time maybe once a month) OR some sort of CMO position in an ED. Your skills would be valued and you might have to do a diploma but that is only a few months. I know neither of these really get you to your desired career long term but if you want to stay with your husband (and to be honest if you want kids I think you really do need to think about cracking on soonish!) they might work for you...

Original poster
AmelieinOz · 11/05/2015 23:59

My husband is a software engineer. No jobs for him in the rural areas. Also he's very passionate about his career (he's very good at it, too).

mrbob - IMG who gets first medical registration in Australia needs to work in a DWS practice for 10yrs. Also needs to be enrolled in a 3ga program apart from the DWS status, so can only work in RRMA 3+ locations.

And yeah, my GP is right about kids.

OP posts:
Eigg · 12/05/2015 00:03

That is very hard then Amelia.

Best wishes with your decision

Original poster
AmelieinOz · 12/05/2015 00:03

Oh also, re: him working remotely, it's not an option.

mrbob - usually the job offers that my friends got are in Darwin. But still very competitive.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmelieinOz · 12/05/2015 00:04

Eigg - thank you. Yeah, it's a hard decision.

OP posts:
Eigg · 12/05/2015 00:06

It may not be helpful, but once when I was faced with a difficult decision I was advised to toss a coin.

If the 'wrong' side comes up you'll know which is the right one.