Career or Family?

[AmelieinOz]

Would you pursue a career path that will pay well but will require you to live away from your husband for at least ten years? Him moving to be with you is not an option, as he won't have a career where you are going.

Or would you go back to study something else that will enable you to stay and give you a career eventually? But you need to start from scratch.

I'm 37. No kids. Not sure if I want to have, but my GP is breathing down my neck saying we can't do anything with old eggs. :)

You don't say if you WANT kids.
Or if he wants kids.
Or if you want this job or not (notwithstanding the years working at a dustance)

What does it mean in practical terms?
Not seeing him AT ALL for 10 years?
Or each of you flying EOW to see each other weekends only?

If I wanted to stay and practice in Australia, and I'd still see my husband on weekend, I'd do it. (I've worked away from home around Europe for years, in a team full of people who do the same)

What is the maternity leave like, and is it included in your ten years?

In your shoes if I were unsure about kids, I might think about IVF and freezing fertilised eggs. No guarantees, but some back up. I wouldn't do that if I definitely wanted them though. Just if undecided.

If you don't want kids and do want the career, I'd seriously consider working away. Can he not do any home working part of the time in the sticks with you?

Both move to an area where your rural area isn't so far from his city base?

Still ambivalent about the kids. Him, too.

Re: career, I feel like it's all I know. Which is actually the truth as I am trained for nothing else. However, I also am not really opposed to retraining. Although I'd be 40 or 41 when I finish and start a new career.

Not sure about maternity leaves.

I looked into rural areas not so far from his city base, but the job prospects for me are really far (govt regulations + job competitiveness). Someone I know got a job offer after two years of finishing the exams and actively searching in Darwin.

Do you BOTH want to stay in Australia?
If the restrictions are so great and you want to stick with your current career, and you want to live together all the time, maybe you need to move country.

Cabrinha - yes, we both want to stay in Australia.

About me sticking with my current career, I want to, coz I would not have to retrain and if that works that will be the most ideal situation. But if I need to retrain, I will.

I guess I just need to let it out. I don't have a lot of friends in a similar situation.

You haven't answered whether you could see each other at weekends, which would make a big difference.

If you took a remote job, and hated it, could you just quit and head back to the city?

How do you/DH feel about him supporting you while you retrain?

kickassangel - I don't think so. As I'd be living in (most prob) Darwin, and him in Victoria.

He's absolutely fine with supporting me while I retrain. Actually he said he's fine whatever I do, even if I end up doing nothing, just as long as I'm happy.

Are you from the UK? Can you not both come here? As a software engineer he will have his pick of jobs. You will need to secure a job here first and then you can sponsor him to come.

Not even thinking of kids. But 10 years apart most likely means marriage is over. And I can't see myself giving up either marriage or career.

I mean to me, the biggest problem is staying in oz!

TwoLittleTerrors - no, we're not from the UK. I don't know how it'd work for me in the UK, I think it will be as hard for me, as a doctor trained somewhere else than Aus/UK/US.

Btw, I just remembered a friend is in a similar situation (overseas-trained MD, but she's in NZ) except she has a baby. I casually asked her the other day what her plans are and she said, "I don't even have time to comb my hair."

There is no way I'd give up my marriage and potentially children to be a GP

Can't your DH work remotely? Do something computer-y while living with you and travel very occasionally

I see. Sorry for making the assumption you are originally from Britain.

I am not sure you are vey well informed about your career choices. This 10 years could be reduced to 3 when you decide to go to a very remote place www.ruralhealthaustralia.gov.au/internet/rha/publishing.nsf/Content/5_Year_Overseas_Trained_Doctor_Scheme. Of course, Darwin is far but not considered a remote isolated rural post.
You can even spend the overseas doctor scheme in Victoria, obviously not in Melbourne, and be close to your husband.

So the good news, you can have both, family and career.

Hi gordonpym - I also considered the job opportunities. I think the first hurdle would be the medical registration, how to get a provisional then how to go from provisional to general. Thanks for the link.

What gives you the most satisfaction and what is most important to you?

You probably know the answer already.

It's traditional for people to bang on about kids/family/relationships being the most important thing in life/death bed/blah blah blah.

But people are different.

If what makes your heart sing every day is career satisfaction, then you'll find another partner who fits in just as well if this one dosen't play ball.

On the other hand, if what makes your heart sing every day is this partner,then have a rethink.

I strongly suspect its more the former otherwise you wouldn't be asking.

Do you love Medicine?

If so , take the exam, apply for all the jobs within weekend travelling distance, and give it a go.
If you both hate seeing each other only at weekends, you can always quit (or he can find a more flexible IT career, and you'll know you tried.

If you don't love medicine, then look to retrain in something related, that might allow you to skip some units of the degree by virtue of your medical degree & get there faster, or do the postgrad version of the degree (Medical research / dentistry/ optometry / podiatry / nursing / midwifery.......)

SelfLoathing & MargaretRiver - I like Medicine. It was never my passion and wasn't what I wanted to study (back home, if you do well in school, your parents and everyone expects you to become a doctor), but well, it's all I know what to do. I guess you could say I have learned to love it, with time.

Yup, I am taking the exam. I have actually been procrastinating and postponing, but I will schedule to take the exam (the first at least - I have three) on August.

Also planning to apply to uni next year - there's a Masters of Science in Nursing program here in the city, which would lead to qualification as a Nurse after two years.

The other day I was thinking what if I take something else, like Computer Science? Like a 180 degree shift? But I don't know if I have the aptitude for it.