Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my rights regarding the house and kids

27 replies

captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 16:51

Please advise me if you can! My partner and I have recently split up (my decision after many unhappy years). He can afford to buy me out of the house, but I can't afford to buy him out, both names are on the mortgage. If he bought me out I would probably get somewhere between £50/£60,000. I'm worried that if I accept this, I won't be able to claim any benefits, and I certainly cannot afford a new mortgage on my own. I want to stay in the family home as I am the main carer of our children (he works away between 1 and 3 nights per week). I am also around for all school holidays. Can he force a sell of the property? Can he make me leave? I cannot afford the mortgage and bills on my own. What can I do? Please help if you have any experience of this. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 17:17

Please. Anyone?

OP posts:
addicted2cake · 11/05/2015 17:24

I don't think he can force a sale, I didn't want to read and run so hopefully someone else can answer more helpfully than I can!

prepperpig · 11/05/2015 17:26

Are you married or not? How is the house held, do you hold as joint tenants or tenants in common?

Sausagerollers · 11/05/2015 17:27

I don't want to leave this unanswered, but as I haven't had experience of this myself I would suggest calling some local solicitors and see who gives half hour free sessions.

Write a list of questions you need answers to and ask a legal professional, it's the only way you'll know for sure.

good luck for the future.

Bogeyface · 11/05/2015 17:31

A lot depends on your circumstances.
The only way you can be sure is to see a solicitor.

Good luck

HenriettaBarnet · 11/05/2015 17:32

He can't necessarily force a sale. How old are your children? Are you married? If they are young and you are married (sorry not sure of the legal position for unmarried people but suspect you don't have the same protection) then the courts will put the welfare of the children first and won't let him force a sale if you can't house them elsewhere.

i'm going through this at the moment - my advice is to go and see a solicitor who can advise you fully. Don't move out under any circumstances.

Original poster
captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 17:33

Thanks, we are not married. Children are 10 and 12. Both names on the mortgage.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 11/05/2015 17:50

The problem is that if you cant afford to buy him out then what is your plan?

Are you expecting him to continue to pay the mortgage?

cestlavielife · 11/05/2015 17:56

he can apply to sell under TOLATA (ie to buy you out).

but also there is childrens act which can be brought into play regarding housing the children.

where could you go locally, what could you rent? do you work? could you work? dc older so you could work full time. could you buy a shared ownership property with the 50k deposit?

you cant afford the mortgage and bills, so you cant stay in the house alone.
however, he should pay maintenance for the children - how much would that be? ask child maintenance options use their calculator.

where would he go if you stayed? could eh buy somewhere? how often will dc stay with him? will it be 50/50 ie nights he doesnt work will they stay with him.

it isnt an automatic you get to stay in the house which you cant afford...you not married so he doesn't have to pay you maintenance. if you stayed in property for dc, once they older you would have to sell up anyway and leave...better to sort out your own life and place now?

lots of considerations get all the financial information including cost of rentals and buying houses etc and yours and his finances eg salaries and then go to solicitor... there is nothing which says you and DC have to stay in that particular house.

Original poster
captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 18:04

Thanks for your replies. I do work full time, I just don't earn enough at the moment to pay for the house alone. I'm not expecting him to still pay for the house, but would he have to pay some maintenance for the children? I also think I would qualify for working family tax credit and child credit if he left, which would mean I could just about afford it. He won't leave at the moment and the tension is unbearable!

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 11/05/2015 18:08

You're being unreasonable if you just expect him to walk away from the half he owns, and for you to just remain in the home and not buy him out, and you just pay the bills each month.

Which part of the country do you live in?

If in the North, there are nice houses for between £80-90k. Surely you could use the £60k he'd buy you out for as a deposit for a new house and get a £20k mortgage if you work full time?

Original poster
captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 18:12

different part of the country Ginger. Prices much higher unfortunately. I wouldn't expect him to pay the mortgage. I might be able to do that with tax credits. I'm not meaning to be unreasonable, I want my kids disrupted as little as possible. This is there home, and I am always in it for them.

OP posts:
shirleybasseyslovechild · 11/05/2015 18:15

But why should he leave if he doesn't want to ? He has equal claim on the house and children . How would you feel if your job hours were reversed so that he was technically the main cater ? Would you leave the house ( and children ) to facilitate a split ?

Sorry to be unhelpful but I can see his point. Surely selling the house and splitting the proceeds is worth considering ?

thelonggame · 11/05/2015 18:16

in some circumstances a judge can order that you get to live in the house until the youngest is 18, at which point it is sold and he gets his 50%.
With you not being married though it may not be an option - get yourself to a solicitor asap and find out your rights.

Cherryapple1 · 11/05/2015 18:17

you will get working and child tax credits and maintenance. Go to an online benefit checker to see how much. Maintenance does not affect tax credits, not does having savings.

TokenGinger · 11/05/2015 18:19

OP - I do understand what you are saying about disrupting the kids but it just doesn't seem fair to him. I get that you're prepared to pay the mortgage payments but that means that he's invested a lot of money in to the house for many years and he has to just walk away from it until you reach a point where you want to sell it.

Original poster
captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 18:37

I can see his point too. I'm just scared of the future

OP posts:
Original poster
captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 18:47

Is it any fairer that his career has progressed and he can afford to buy me out because I've been the one who is always here for the kids, and my career has been on hold because his takes him away so often? I honestly don't know.

OP posts:
Cherryapple1 · 11/05/2015 18:49

Legally as you aren't married that is irrelevant.

And the children have rights to contact with both parents - you don't have rights as a parent.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 11/05/2015 19:08

You chose to stay home with the kids - not saying that was necessarily a free choice but you did. And you chose to have kids and buy s house without the legal protection of marriage. It's the shitty end of the stick but that's that. With £60k and a mortgage couldn't you afford a 2 bed place? I get that you don't want to disrupt the kids but what's the alternative? Your XP waits until they are 18 to realise his asset and buy somewhere new for himself? That seems pretty unfair.

Original poster
captainBeaky · 11/05/2015 19:28

guess I'm screwed then. Thanks for replies.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 11/05/2015 21:04

Its not a case of being screwed, but a case of being fair to everyone.

Is what you want compatible with what you can reasonably expect? Sadly not. You and he both need to be able to provide a stable home for your children and if that means selling up and renting then so be it. No its not ideal but the fact is that kids move house (and schools) all the time for reasons of jobs, health, money etc, and they will get used to it.

Are you sure that they really are your main motivation or is that you want your life to continue as it has thus far, just without him living there? I am not being picky, just trying to help you see the reality of what you are trying to do.

This is why its always best to get your ducks in a row, work out your finances and legal position before you say "I want you to move out" because the fact is that he can say "No, I dont want to" and there isnt a hell of a lot you can do about it.

BuriedSardine · 11/05/2015 22:16

Good sense from Bogey.

It's a shame that's how things have turned out, but sadly I don't believe that your not wanting to disrupt the children is a valid reason to ask your partner to leave a house and then pay towards you living in it, when you are unmarried and this is your decision.

I think your best bet is to sell and find somewhere smaller to buy or rent until your options are clearer.

You both need the fairest outcome.

cestlavielife · 11/05/2015 22:29

If he stays there and the dc live with him half the time they still get to stay in their house they have known while getting to know a new house with you. So you could argue it both ways.

Myself and dc have had to move twice while exp has squatted in joint owned flat...tho we have been living in better places with outside garden space.

As not married only the children have claim in him for maintenance...as was said, without getting married you can claim nothing for giving up your career etc. let go of the house emotionally and look at other options . Moving is not a big deal.... If you can find a share to buy flat you could put down the 60 k as deposit ?

onionlove · 11/05/2015 23:07

Hi Beaky its a tough one honey but you can.hopefully communicate with him and find a solution for everyone, that said please consult a solicitor and citizens advice and the tax credits people are really helpful, best of luck x