Still heartbroken after 1yr. How long did it take you to get over your worst breakup?

[hollieberrie]

Just that really. It was a relationship of several years and a very bad breakup (one that i didn't want at all).

I feel like a fool for still feeling this way. (I have name changed for this as don't want to out myself).

Please tell me how long it took you to get over your worst break-up and give me some hope! :)

Its not good to say i feel happy seen all those sad stoires but it makes me feel some what more normal cose when goin thro it i dont feel so normal ... nice to have places like this

Years!

20 years on, I was still having vivid, upsetting dreams occasionally!

Been separated for over 2 years, we were together for over 10. Split was mutual but he asked to come back several times - I declined. Things have been extremely messy. In the first year, I was surprisingly calm about things. Then the second year came round and that's when it hit me. The panic, grief, loss. It was horrendous and didn't help that he became even more of a nasty arsehole than ever. I crumbled. He and his family abused me to the point that I ended up in hospital. It felt like all this stuff was going on around me and I was completely disconnected. I couldn't see any way out and I know this sounds silly but one of the worst things was I couldn't laugh.
A couple of months ago it was my wedding anniversary. I remembered how on the previous one I was literally on the floor crying with my mother desperately trying to comfort me. This year I felt nothing. I couldn't even tell you what I did on that day because I just treated it like any other. I still feel I've got a bit to go but for the first time in my life I'm proud of myself. I don't know how I did it but I got here and here is a much better place.

Worst one was over two years and I still feel pain at times about him. But it is the sort of pain of an old scar which plays up sometimes, rather than that massive ache and twisting up feeling you know?

I am really really happy with my current partner who I have been with for a good while now, someone who treats me so much better and who is so much more suitable for me. But it wasn't a magic bullet for me heal pain from that experience with my ex boyfriend.

It was my first bf. I pined and obsessed over him for years as the one that got away. Sure I dated others and went on and married someone else but I was always comparing them to him.

Finally the spell broke when I ran into him many years later. Ugh he was terrible and I thank my lucky stars it didn't work out!

My 1st husband, I am over the marriage but not his death.

Eny one els feeel so alone among friends and close famly . ??

took me to be completely over him three years took him two days to be sleeping with someone else wish to god i could go back to meeting him and telling him no thanks would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache but then hindsight is a useful tool, now with someone who treats me the way a woman should be treated

I'm 18 months on from a horrible break up. My youngest dc is 20 months, so he left when I was very vulnerable. I still have moments when I feel despair, but it does pass and isn't as overwhelming. At the beginning, when I felt so sad, I couldn't ever imagine feeling happy again. Now when I feel sad, I am able to tell myself that this will pass. The grief is still hard, but it isn't all consuming. I still have very angry days too. Stbxh doesn't pay any maintenance for his 5dc, nor does he see them. It's hard to move on completely because of all this going on. It does get easier though.

Glad u are happy now . 2 days to sleep with some one els just shows u what a guy he woz . But lest u now no what real men are

Ah my little thread has had a mini revival!

& for all you fellow broken-hearted. I am now 18 months on and still crying I'm afraid! Its not as bad, but i still find it tough. Have had absolutely zero contact for over a year now which really helps - if i saw him in the street i'd run the other way. I don't even think its him I'm crying over anymore, its the pain of the breakup and the loss of something i thought was so great.

Hang in there everyone, thanks for the sharing and support, i really think it helps to know we're not alone.

I've broken up from 4 long terms relationships and reacted diferrently to all of them.

I also think that how you feel inside about yourself plays a big role. Maybe if they leave you when you are vulnerable or if you are dependent on them in other ways it takes longer.

My first love we were together a year and he ended it and I was upset for a few months but deep down knew we were more like brother and sister.

My second love we were together 4 years and he ended it and I was inconsolable. I could not concieve of a world without him and it didn't help that we both still truly loved each other. I am completely honest with myself it was probably 5 -6 years before I felt close to normal again. A lot of that was to do with me though, as I was so closely bonded to him and could not see a world without him.

My third love we were together 3 years and I was not at all upset because I was not terribly in love with him.

The fourth one I loved less than the second one but the painw as worse. Partly because he left when I was vulnerable and quite ill, partly because we were engaged so in my mind it was a lifelong relationship I never expected to end, partly because he was so cruel about it and it was so completely unexpected. I feel in that case I was in shock for six months before the pain even properly started The first year was agony. The next 6 months was pretty awful. Then after two years I stopped thinking about him or caring bout him at all really. It just happenned naturally as I got the grief out.

As a pp said, I still wake up (three years on) from that last breakup with cold sweats and unpleasant dreams as betrayal leaves scars.

What is important is that I thought i would never love again and could not live without two of these men and I did and was perfectly fine.

I won't say I met Mr Right straigh away...it's been two years of dating and have only finally just now met one I really like and want to be with and for various reasons that probably won't happen - but the importan thing is that we are reminded our hearts can be broken and they still work.

Terrible, horrific heartbreak is not something everyone experiences and I have been through it twice now. I would say from it you learn so much about yourself and you either become broken or you become stronger. I chose stronger and I am more loving and compassionate as a result of my past.

Hang in there OP. Grief is like a storm...it DOES eventually fall to calm seas and there is no short cut through it. The grief you feel is part of having a big heart and please never be sorry for that

xxx

Ugh I shouldn't have written about him as I had a dream about him last night. Ugh get out of my head!

Hey holllie thnx for ur post . And it dose make me feel more normal hopefully we can get past this mess . I say mess cose its like a puzzie in my head with so meany parts missin

It’s been 2 years for me. Feels the same as day 1. I’m broken and believe I’ll never recover. I think of him every second I’ve tried everything possible Nothing changes.

It's been a year for me since next Nd my two children were dumped for a work colleague. I'm still struggling and i cry often.

It will get easier. I used to think about my ex every single day, I went from that to rarely thinking of him, even on special dates like his birthday. It took a couple of years to get past that daily thinking of him, thinking how he might like/dislike what I was doing etc.

When I started working for a company loosely connected to him I got huge anxiety that I might bump into him, never did until I actually instigated contact, met him a few times as friends. I took him into that said workplace, helped him get a job when he was a long time unemployed. He is someone that I actually pity a bit.

13 years later I am still in loose contact with him, pity his girlfriend now. I look at my life now and I am genuinely grateful that we are not together.

My biggest tip is distraction, have fun, be really busy in your life. Do something that you would enjoy that he would disapprove of, go dancing/travelling whatever helps fill the (only temporary believe me) void in your soul.

Allow yourself to grieve for what you had, past tense, your future is yours, grasp it.

It’s an old thread but advice is still the same for Danny and Fire

I was in a relationship from age 19 to 21, we moved in together after about 6 months. We were so different to each other that it was never an easy relationship but I cared about him a lot and we kept going hoping things would get better. Eventually we ended up breaking up after about 2 and and a half years together. It was a horrific breakup, obviously no breakup is lovely but we agreed that it just wasnt working out and maybe we were better off as friends. I felt incredibly lonely for a long time, my family lived hours away and so did my closest friends, I had a few friends close by but not many. I think the reason it took me so long to get over him was I felt like I could have done more to save our relationship, I wasn't constantly thinking of how my life would be if we were still together. After a few months of work then coming home and moping in my own self pity, going to bed and doing the same thing all over again. I started making the effort to see my friends and make new owns, I became inseparable with one of my collueges and he introduced me to more people. That's when I felt myself start to heal, I wasn't thinking of him every few minutes anyway. A year later I met my now husband at a party, my drunken self ended up admitting to him how I was still upset about a breakup that happened over a year ago. He awkwardly hugged me whilst I cried before taking me home. We went on a few dates and spent a lot of time together for about 4 months, it wasn't until one random night when I asked him to be my boyfriend before even thinking about what I was saying that I realised my heart was healed and I was happy again. I could finally except that whatever happened in the past happened for a reason. I don't regret my relationship with my ex, I can still smile at the happy memories we have and we still get in touch through Facebook from time to time. But I'm now in a happy healthy relationship that I never thought I would be in all those years ago. All I can say is things can change if you let yourself heal, it takes time