Husband wants the jet set lifestyle?

[happywifey]

Hi All ,

I wanted to get some advice on whether I am being oversensitive and hormonal, or if my hormones and intuition are right.

I met my DH 4 years ago at a party, we were both living the single independent life, him with an excellent career in Investment banking and a bachelor lifestyle, my less so great but years being single and independant. When we met we both gave up this lifestyle and many of our single friends dispersed, but we stayed friends with couples, and settled in to a different lifestyle. Sadly, DH lost his Job, and didn't work for 2 .5 yrs, but my career picked up and we were still happy during this time.

DH happily found a Job this year and his career has picked up again. At the same time, I became pregnant. We are currently looking for some property in the countryside. We visited somewhere yesterday which is 4 miles from DH new job, however is quite isolated, allbeit beautiful, has a church a pub, no shops, about 10 houses and no public transport. Big change from Central London. However, the house is nice enough

My dilemma is the semidetached house we went to see my DH loves, not due to the house but due to the next door neighbour. He works in Similar field, travels frequently, in to sport, but what concerns me is that he is a bachelor and from meeting him I get the impression he lives a certain , womanising party jet set lifestyle and I recognise it well because my DH used to do it.They spent 2 hrs chatting yesterday and got on incredibly well. He is charismatic, fun, a real party person. This is what concerns me though.

This guy was saying that he spends alot of time travelling abroad to such and such events here and there and is in to such and such and goes to this and that event. DH seems to have a man crush which I understand. He himself hasn't been able to do these things for the last 2 .5 yrs due to lack of work, and his friends are all married. Now he has the job, the money, but he also has a wife and and child on the way. I am not sure if he is thinking about that though. He is thinking about all the possibilities with this guy of the things he can do. I feel I am going to be stuck on my own in a place with no friends in the area or company whilst my DH travels to Monaco etc etc.

My hormones/ intuition are screaming NO NO NO , but I am not sure if it is because I am pregnant, or insecure because I am pregnant and am going to need my husband through this pregnancy and my intuition is telling me if we live next door to this guy this is not going to happen. I keep telling myself my DH is sensible and is completely different ( as I am) now. I tell myself he cares about me and will obviously not do anything to hurt me. However, I understand very well the temptation of this lifestyle . Very well. I just feel we need to be more sensible and take less risks at this time and think about our baby. Maybe this is unrealistic though and I am being needy?

Am I being insecure and unreasonable? Please be honest.

Fwiw the friends of mine who have either a) moved out within commutable distance of London or b) near a decent-sized town with lots going on - Bath, Bristol, Oxford, Cambridge etc have had no problem meeting plenty of PLUs.

But a friend who moved down near Exeter for work is finding it very cut off. She had thought it would be ok because it's a university town, but it's very small.

It's important purely from the PoV of facilities for mother and child that you're near a good-sized town, and it will also facilitate building a social network.

Xpost with OP.

It depends, if you live in a village that size but you're 15 mins drive from a decent sized town, that might be ok.

But if you're not, it sounds quite small. Having no train station is inconvenient.

Thanks Twinkle will keep this in mind.

Oh good!

Self-employed, in a new place, in an isolated place, with a new baby sounds horribly lonely. Leaving aside your H concerns, it's a big risk for you.

Phone the nearest doctor's surgery, speak to a health visitor and ask about baby groups in the area. (I know that trailing round the baby groups looking for a social life is most people's idea of hell, but bear with me...)

If the HV can reel of a list of things, then you have options.

If there's one toddler group twice a month a half hour drive away, then I think it's too small.

honestly if you are having a baby do not move away from your familiar surroundings, not for another year or two at least.

id find a TOWN not a village, with at least a few shops, doctors, pubs, schools and an infrastructure. You'll really really need the support of other people.

If you pick somewhere with poorer connections into london the price drops drastically - I'm perplexed as to why an investment banker is looking at rural semis - rightmove semirural Essex/Suffolk and it's very nice and affordable. Aldborough eould be my preference!

Make sure that wherever you buy has pavements. If you can't safely stick a baby in a pram and go for a walk then it means every trip out will involve a car unless you walk on the road.

I had my first dc in a tiny village. You will get bored. You need community & things going on to entertain a toddler (or two). Think carefully about a place with nothing going on

I've no idea whether your H would really be lured away, but the important thing when you are about to have a baby is to be somewhere that you feel comfortable and secure. If next door to the jet-setter doesn't float your boat then it would be unwise to move there. I think you're sensible to be considering somewhere with more facilities anyway, alluring though the quiet country village may seem. You're not going there for a holiday, you're going to be stuck there with a baby initially and then bringing up a child, so it has to be right for a long time to come.

We moved to a place in the middle of nowhere early in my pregnancy with my first child. Whilst I was still commuting to work it was fine. But once I was at home with a baby I hated it. I utterly regretted buying it. When DH got an offer of a job elsewhere in the country with a relocation package I was beyond thrilled - it felt like I had escaped from prison.

great decision!!

I think that in your circumstances moving IS a good idea. I usually say to people to stay in the city but one of the reasons for that is the easy commute for the working parent. In mat leave I loved that my dh was home 20mins after he left work.

Good luck finding something close to your dh's new job but not quite so isolated. Look for places with good baby&mum groups - it'll be a lifeline.

God, yes, PAVEMENTS!!!!

PMSL @ pavements! They are something I hardly ever even thought of before children and then suddenly they become the difference between a good day, and hitting the gin at tea time!

Keep looking. Presumably you've got a good budget.

Near us there are several nice large villages, still rural and nice but with train stations, pubs and a few shops and a lot more people living there so you can find compatible friends/activities. Much less of a shock to your sytems, I think.

I agree that it's unlikely a jet setter type would be living in a semi in the middle of nowhere. He sounds a bit of a fantasist to me. I don't think you have much to worry about.