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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need advise - phone text messages

26 replies

Whattodo1994 · 03/05/2015 20:22

My DP went out and took my phone on accident instead of his (same phones) and since he went there has been a lot of messages through from other girls.
Wrong I know but seeing these messages i snooped through previous conversations. And they are things like him telling girls they aren't fat but perfect and they checked them out so he should know. This has upset me but not sure wether I'm being unreasonable.
This isn't the first instance either as before messages have come which was meant for someone else saying about him giving them a back rub.
Please help am i being unreasonable. Just the overuse of ;) is worrying

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodo1994 · 03/05/2015 20:23

Sorry forgot to mention we have been together 5 years. If there is anything else ive missed please ask

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 03/05/2015 20:28

Ltb

FelicityGubbins · 03/05/2015 20:29

I would be livid if my dh text another woman about anything other than general chit chat. No way should a man in a relationship be texting women like your dp is..

Cherryapple1 · 03/05/2015 20:30

Why would this behaviour ever be acceptable? He has form already?

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 03/05/2015 20:30

so he has been texting from your number and his own?

I think you are under-reacting not over-reacting to be honest.

You have loads of time ahead of you to find someone better. Do it

Original poster
Whattodo1994 · 03/05/2015 20:31

That's what I was thinking. In terms of the first time about the massage he said he did it on purpose to see if I was snooping :-s where I would care if he looked through my phone all day as I have nothing to hide. He just turns it around to make it seem like it is completely normal and I should trust him

OP posts:
Lacoba66 · 03/05/2015 20:31

First question is why do YOU think you are being unreasonable? Your partner is receiving and obviously corresponding with other women quite inappropriately (if not more).

More worryingly, is your need to ask AIBU. Sorry, but he sounds like a tosser (in more ways than one).

ImperialBlether · 03/05/2015 20:34

He's a liar and you shouldn't trust him as far as you can throw him.

Original poster
Whattodo1994 · 03/05/2015 20:34

and I feel im being unreasonable as that is how he plays it out. That you can have female/males friendships (I agree) but I think he is taking it too far. In some instances he becauses a big emotional support to girls and that makes me slightly uncomfortable too (it's like he is being their boyfriend too). Is it bad that after so long im a bit scared to leave and actually be single

OP posts:
PamDooveOrangeJoof · 03/05/2015 20:37

What Lacoba said. No this isn't normal and why should you trust g when he has shown himself to be untrustworthy?

He'a just saying that you shut the fuck up about it whilst he carries on his own merry way.
I'm sure if you were texting guys talking about giving you a back rub he would soon have something to say.

He knows what he is doing is wrong and so do you.

Gangie · 03/05/2015 20:38

And so if u had messages of a similar nature from 'make friends' he would be grand with that??!'

I think not Hmm

Gangie · 03/05/2015 20:39

Sorry Male

Original poster
Whattodo1994 · 03/05/2015 20:44

I doubt he would be happy. I kinda wish that he could of caught me with such messages but to set that up would be fake and petty. I've wrote down all my feelings how I feel now so I don't talk myself out of it. At the very least if I don't feel I can say anything I can show him what I wrote. After 5 years I feel I should save it, but I don't know if what we have is actually worth saving

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 03/05/2015 20:47

Do you genuinely think you might be being unreasonable? If so, you have a very skewed idea of a good relationship. Your partner is a complete dick and you should get rid of someone who's treating you with such disrespect. You're better off on your own.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 03/05/2015 20:48

He's done this before. It upset you. He's done it again. He knows it would hurt you to find this, and he did it anyway.

Don't be scared to be alone. If you're alone you have the chance to find the man who will treat you with respect and only have eyes for you. Not to mention that being alone can be brilliant in itself.

You're not unreasonable, in your case I would leave him. His excuses and blaming you make him an even nastier piece of work. You deserve better.

honeyroar · 03/05/2015 20:49

He's doing things that aren't right behind your back and when you ask him about it he makes you feel guilty and tries to blame you, rather than facing it and apologising. Why would you want any more of him?

Stitchintime1 · 03/05/2015 20:52

He's a sleazy little liar. That's a fact. How you respond is the bit that is a matter of opinion. What do you want to do?

Gangie · 03/05/2015 20:56

Really sorry but you are not his priority. He is an ass (if not worse) and he doesn't love you as you deserve to be loved. It's time to move on. Sorry :(

Chipsticksnvinegar · 03/05/2015 20:57

It is very likely he is lying OP. Most definitely lying based on the evidence you have provided. Do not waste any more of your life on him please.

ImperialBlether · 03/05/2015 21:17

Do you have children together, OP?

RebelRobin · 03/05/2015 21:20

He is a liar. My DP has lots of friends that are female, he doesnt send messages like that

ineedabodytransplant · 05/05/2015 15:33

I'm a bloke and I don't send messages like that to women. And I don't receive them, either.

Only people I know who do, are cheating.

pocketsaviour · 05/05/2015 15:43

he said he did it on purpose to see if I was snooping

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! hhahahaahahaHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha.

A-hem. I hope you gave him a gold medal for "Most Pathetic Self-Serving Lie Ever", OP.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/05/2015 16:03

"After 5 years I feel I should save it, but I don't know if what we have is actually worth saving"

There is nothing to rescue and or save here. He is taking you now for a complete idiot.

Please do not get yourself caught up in the sunken costs fallacy i.e. the above; that simply causes people to make poor relationship decisions.

Gfplux · 05/05/2015 19:05

No man in a five year relationship should be sending or receiving these types of messages.
He's just not that in to you.
Sorry.